Chapter 26: Once the Signal Starts, It Doesn’t Stop

A few days have passed since then.

I’ve been staying in that room at Rio-chan’s house the entire time.

We’d eat together, bathe together, brush our teeth, and sleep side by side. When we had time, we’d talk, play games, or just sit in silence.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t such a bad routine.

A life where Rio-chan took care of everything around me.

It was comfortable, in a way. Time passed quickly whenever she was around.

But whenever I ended up alone, I couldn’t help but think—

This probably isn’t okay, is it?

Letting Rio-chan handle everything—even if I’m being super generous, I could still say it’s fine. I haven’t confessed or anything, but it does feel like we’re newlyweds…

But the thing is—Rio-chan herself doesn’t look all that happy.

If anything, it’s like she’s scared of something.

That vague smile of hers, the way she tries too hard to take care of me, and then…

“…Tsubasa-chan, I love you. I love you so much.”

Words that should’ve made me happy.

They used to be like sweet candies she’d gently roll off her tongue, filled with so many feelings.

…but now, even when Rio-chan says she loves me, I can’t honestly feel happy. Because when she says it, it always feels so desperate.

It’s like she’s saying it just to keep me pleased.

There’s none of that bittersweet tenderness she usually has.

The Rio-chan now—she’s clearly forcing herself.

It’s like she’s scared of me or something.

And more than anything—

“Rio, the sunset—feathers…”

“…Yeah, it really is.”

“Rio, the night feels cold—there’s a reason.”

“…I see.”

She’s not being mysterious at all.

Every time I try to talk to her, she just spaces out.

Hey, Rio-chan.

You’ve been by my side all this time, and yet, for some reason, I feel lonely.

Why are you so afraid, Rio-chan?

…Are you afraid of me?

“Rio, tell me.”

Then I want to understand.

I want to know what’s making you so afraid.

And more than anything… I don’t want someone so important to me to be scared of me.

“T-Tsubasa-chan, what brought this on all of a sudden?”

“I want to know… about Rio. I’m lonely… but I’m not scary.”

I did my best to gather the words, to put my feelings into them, to say what I meant. Maybe because I love Rio-chan, my mouth didn’t resist me at all.

“I made you feel lonely, didn’t I… Tsubasa-chan…”

I don’t want things to stay like this. I want to do something about it.

Maybe that desperation came through, because Rio-chan’s expression softened—as if she’d finally given up.

“…Okay. I get it. But… in return, can I ask you something too? Can you tell me what you’re really feeling, Tsubasa-chan?”

“Mm.”

I think Rio-chan also felt uncomfortable with the way things were. She nodded that naturally.

“So, um…”

Rio-chan was the one to speak first.

I leaned in to listen, nervous about whether I’d done something wrong.

“Tsubasa-chan… what is it you like about me?”

But the question that came out was nothing I expected.

She was all curled up, glancing up at me as she asked.

She couldn’t hide how anxious she was—her eyes cast downward, her voice trembling.

That voice told me everything. This was what had been weighing on her all along.

…Wait, does she think I don’t really like her?

…Why?

That day, up on the rooftop, we said we’d take our time confirming each other’s feelings.

More than friends, not quite lovers—that fuzzy in-between felt ticklish but nice. We agreed to take small steps forward from there.

At least, I thought we had.

But does this mean Rio-chan didn’t feel the same?

…That honestly hurts. Even for me, that’s rough.

“I guess… there really isn’t anything, huh…”

But for some reason, Rio-chan looked hurt too.

Like she didn’t even realize how many thorns had buried themselves in her heart until it was already too late.

Just like that time she stood in the rain, saying she had nothing—only a heart full of darkness.

…There’s so much I want to say.

But before any of that, I just want to protect the wounded Rio-chan in front of me.

“Fate… brought us together.”

“Huh? Fate?”

That evening when we first spoke.

When you talked to me, I was truly happy.

I tried to say all that, but the words all compressed into just one: “fate.”

That wasn’t nearly enough, obviously, so I moved my mouth a little more.

“You… shared the sky with me. You came… and made it ours.”

Just having you stay and talk with someone like me, who struggles with words—that alone made me happy. The sky I used to look at alone suddenly sparkled, like I was seeing it through a prism, when it was the two of us.

That moment, I think, was when I first became aware of Rio-chan.

I thought it over carefully, pieced it together, and that was the answer I reached.

Looking back now, I can say it for sure.

—Oh. I think I’ve loved Rio-chan from the very beginning.

It wasn’t love at first sight, but something inside me had known something was about to begin.

That flutter I felt back then… I’m sure that was it.

And the moment I realized it, my heart skipped a beat.

Because the feeling of love became even clearer.

It felt like both the world and my heart lit up.

I understood then—this happiness had been with me all along.

“We watched sunsets… together. We saw the world fall asleep, again and again.”

Gathering up all the words I could find, I tried to tell her about all the wonderful things I’ve felt.

All the memories we shared—so many of them, just the two of us!

“You… stopped being the fox spirit… and became Rio. We went out… together. We made promises… just us.”

You were the only one who reached out to me like that. You made everything fun and exciting, and gave me everything you could.

“—That’s why I love you. I love you so much, Rio.”

Please, let my feelings reach you this time.

That was my heartfelt monologue—no, it’s a confession now, isn’t it?

I ended up blurting out a confession to Rio-chan in the heat of the moment.

But I don’t regret it—not even a little.

Because I wanted to blow away all that sadness clinging to her.

I’m sorry I skipped a few steps.

But if you understand how I feel, that would make me so happy.

That was everything I could give in this moment—and in response, Rio-chan…

“—You’d feel the same even if it hadn’t been me… wouldn’t you?”

She looked at me with eyes that seemed on the verge of tears.

……Huh?

“What are you saying?”

I honestly had no idea what she meant.

No way… Rio-chan…

I spoke from the heart, you know?

I told you I love you. That you are the one I want.

So why…?

“……It just happened to be me who showed up on the roof that day, right?”

Don’t twist it like that.

You were the one who came to that rooftop no one else ever came to…

“You only talked about things that happened—not about me inside.”

“That’s not… true.”

I said those things because I was happy to share those moments with you. If it hadn’t been you, I wouldn’t have said any of it.

It had to be Rio-chan.

“There’s no difference, is there?”

“There is!”

It was the first time I ever raised my voice.

Probably the loudest I’ve ever spoken.

Because she’s so wrong about this.

Don’t deny how I feel!

"──Then tell me. What is it you like about what's inside me?"

Her tearful expression had already hardened into one of defiance, lips pressed into a tight line. Stubborn, like she truly believed there was nothing worth liking in her.

Rio-chan was being completely serious.

She seriously believed something so absurd.

...I’m sorry, but this is the first time I’m going to deny what Rio-chan’s saying.

She’s mysterious, deeply understanding, thoughtful, always trying to see things from my side, fun to talk to, earnest, brave enough to punch Futaba-san—and even with all that──

“Cute.”

That’s why… she’s wrong.

I wanted to tell her all that. But all that came out of my mouth was a single word: cute.

……That didn’t really get my point across, did it.

Still, Rio-chan’s really perceptive. Maybe there’s a chance…?

But the look on Rio-chan’s face was empty.

I must’ve pushed too far this time.

“…Sorry, but I don’t believe you.”

Her voice was heavy, her disappointment impossible to hide.

She sounded so let down, and that bitter smile of resignation clung to her lips.

“──You’re just like everyone else who says I’m a good girl.”

And not just that. It looked like she’d ended up reopening memories that were better left closed…

“──I knew it. There’s nothing to me. I was never a match for someone as wonderful and cute as Tsubasa-chan.”

She acted like she’d come to some tragic understanding—reassuring herself, completely ignoring what I’d just said.

“So… sorry, okay?”

Without even noticing how I felt, Rio-chan wrapped things up all on her own and left the room. She made sure to lock the door behind her. Click.

Left alone, I stared at the closed door—no, glared at it.

To the point I was wishing it would just… burn a hole straight through.

My chest was a storm of frustration, something thick and boiling churning inside.

It had been so long, I’d forgotten this feeling.

But now, it was back—I brought it back.

Right now, I’m really pissed off.

Why won’t she listen to me?

Why won’t she believe what I’m saying?

Why does she talk about herself like that?

Does she seriously believe there's nothing good about her?

All these whys and how coulds were spiraling inside me.

Simmering in my chest, tangled in my head.

And what pissed me off more than anything…

“‘Out of my league’? That doesn’t even make sense.”

She said it like it was a fact—like she’d already given up.

She ignored my confession, wrapped things up all on her own, and didn’t even reject me—just… ignored me. All of it, decided without me.

Rio-chan, you idiot. You huge idiot!

We like each other—that much even an airhead like me can tell!

Not having confidence in yourself—I get that.

It’s not like I think I’m some invincible goddess or anything, either.

But effort, that’s something we can do.

When you like someone, you want to try your best for them.

Rio-chan, you tried so hard to put this room together for me. Your efforts were totally off-track, but it was all for me, right?

And still, all that came out of your mouth was how there’s nothing good about you, or how we don’t match, or some other crap like that!

You don’t believe in me at all.

You probably think I’m some flirt who tells every girl I like them.

…No, wait. That’s not it.

If she thought I was a cheater, she would've yelled at me more.

Then… what is it?

I tried to think—and the image that popped into my head was her gloomy face.

That pained expression, like she was blaming herself for something.

It’s not me she’s doubting—she’s blaming herself.

I get it now.

Rio-chan… she feels guilty.

She doesn’t believe in herself enough to accept this.

She probably thinks, “Why would something this lucky happen to me?”

Like waking up to find someone wired a hundred million yen into your bank account for no reason.

That gave me a bit of clarity. Eased the burn, just a little.

I was still mad, but now it was more like… medium-level mad. Annoyed, not fuming.

My head cooled off, my thoughts started to settle.

And then, the next idea that came to mind was…

──If she had a reason she believed in, to be by my side… would she accept it?

Such a simple conclusion.

Like 1 + 1 = 2. Obvious. Basic.

But precisely because it was simple, it clicked perfectly in my tangled-up brain. It was clear, and easy to act on.

My thoughts started spinning, orbiting like the earth itself.

I thought about Rio-chan. About me. About us.

And then, I decided.

──I’m gonna break out of here.

---

When I got back from shopping, I didn’t feel anything was off.

Just… vaguely thought, this is awkward.

Maybe she hates me now. I really don’t want that.
But… that’s just who I am.

I kept thinking in circles, getting nowhere, until I found myself in front of Tsubasa-chan’s door.

…That’s when something did feel off.

Her presence—Tsubasa-chan’s—felt faint somehow. Distant.

No way. That can’t be.

Still, with that creeping unease in my chest, I slowly opened the door.

And what I found was—

“She’s… gone?”

Just like that—Tsubasa-chan had vanished.

The window, once boarded up, was wide open.

Dangling from it was a makeshift rope made of tied-up curtains and sheets.

Around the window lay the splintered remains of the wooden boards… and one utterly ridiculous book, dropped right there on the floor.
The title read:
“To My Best Friend Tsubasa: The Complete Annotated Works of Dazai – Fully Customized Edition. Oh, by the way, the corners are as hard as a frozen banana (lol).”

…Given the scene, there was only one conclusion:
She smashed the boards using this physically absurd book and climbed down the rope she made from curtains and bedsheets.

Regret hit me like a wave.
Regret for not watching her better—and regret for that utterly stupid book.

…She really carried that handmade book from Futaba around with her.

I should’ve double-checked and burned it when I had the chance.

You could see how hard she must’ve worked to break out, bashing those boards over and over until she was probably completely exhausted.
The comically thick book’s corner was dented and beaten all to hell.

And in the center of that wrecked room lay a single sheet of paper.
Messily spaced, written in small handwriting.

It said:

“I’ll be waiting—where we first met.”

Just one line.
But I understood exactly what it meant.

“Tsubasa-chan!”

I couldn’t sit still a second longer. I screamed and bolted out the door.

Because her shoes were still sitting by the entrance.

Because I knew—she was running barefoot, cutting up her feet, heading toward the school.

The sun was slowly setting.

The town, the hills, the sky—everything…

Was turning the color of twilight, awash in a deepening red.