Chapter 7: If You're Not a Lesbian, Then Why Are We Sending Signals to Each Other?
What was Futaba-san thinking, treating Kishine-san like a lesbian?
âŠWhen Kishine-san said I was her number one, my heart did flutter. But just from that, calling her a lesbian is way too mean.
Maybe because of that, she came to the rooftop right after, but sheâs been even quieter than usual. She wonât really meet my eyes, either.
Thereâs no way Kishine-san is a lesbian, so thereâs no reason for things to feel awkward between usâŠ
âKishine.â
âShirogane-san?âWhoa!?â
I didnât want things to be awkward between us, so I stretched up and patted her on the head, to tell her âdonât worry about it.â
I can say her name without any trouble, but I canât even bring myself to say something simple like âI understand,â so I thought if I could get the message across through my actions, then maybe that would be enough.
Stretching, reaching up.
Since Iâm short, itâs less like patting and more like giving her a few light taps, though.
But I really gave it my best shot.
ââŠAre you trying to cheer me up, Shirogane-san?â
Kishine-san gently supported me as I wobbled a bit. She seemed kind of shocked by the sudden move.
If my mouth were more honest, I couldâve just told her I was trying to comfort herâŠ
ââŠNot really.â
But as you can see, my mouth is absolutely terrible at being honest, so I had no choice but to rely on body language.
âŠDoing something like that out of nowhere, even if we are friendsâwhat if sheâs weirded out?
I was the one who started it, but now Iâm suddenly getting nervous. I touched her so much all of a suddenâwhat if she thinks I am a lesbian!?
âSo Shirogane-san was a lesbian all along. All that expressionlessness was just her clenching her facial muscles to keep her lust from leaking out. No wonder she didnât seem mysterious at allâI always thought she smelled kinda gay. ââCan you just never talk to me again?â
If Kishine-san, someone so important to me, ever said something like that, Iâd be forced to pursue a new career in the rooftop 15-meter diving event, with nothing but reincarnation to hope for.
Thatâs definitely a future I want to avoid at all costs.
My fear and anxiety ended up overwhelming my concern, and I stopped.
Because Iâm not a lesbianâIâm just your average, rooftop-dwelling mysterious girl with a totally normal sexuality.
âŠCome to think of it, Iâve never really given it serious thought, but do I like boys or girls more in this life? For me, dating a boy sounds kind of difficult, so maybe girlsâŠ? Just maybe.
But Iâm not a lesbian, okay!?
ââŠShirogane-san, whyâd you stop?â
So finding out that she wasnât as put off as I expected really put me at ease.
Kishine-sanâs tone even had a hint of disappointment in it. Her eyebrows dipped slightlyâI could tell she was reluctant to let go.
âŠNow that Iâve come back to my senses, Iâm way too embarrassed to pat her head properly from the front.
âMm.â
âI see.â
I stop stretching and try to step back to avoid being mistaken for a lesbian. âŠBut for some reason, Kishine-san wonât let go of me.
ââŠKishine?â
I look at her, wondering whatâs going on, and she quickly averts her eyes. But still, she doesnât let go.
Wh-whatâs going on here?
Kishine-san doesnât seem mad or anything.
âUm⊠hey, Shirogane-san.â
But something about her feels nervous. I can sense it.
She takes a light breath and looks me straight in the eyes.
âI⊠I want to call you by your first name instead of your last.â
Huh?
âââNot âShirogane-san,â but⊠is it okay if I call you Tsubasa?â
Whoa⊠ahâŠ
Right after rescuing Shirogane-san from Futaba-sanâs clutches, just like we promised yesterday, the two of us came up to the rooftop.
But⊠something feels different from how things were before.
Noâitâs not the atmosphere thatâs changed. Itâs me.
âââLesbian?â
After Futaba-san said something so weird, Iâve been feeling completely out of place. I canât stop worrying if Shirogane-san thinks Iâm strange now.
Iâd planned to talk to her today about what Iâve been thinking regarding that whole past-life thingâŠ
âŠBut everything got all tangled up thanks to Futaba-san.
Sheâs the worst. Seriously, the absolute worst.
âKishine.â
So when Shirogane-san spoke to me, it made me really happy. I tried to respondâbut then I realized she wasnât just calling my name.
âShirogane-san?âWhoa!?â
All of a sudden, Shirogane-san placed her hand on my head.
Then, slowly, she started to stroke it.
Stretching up on her tiptoes with everything she had, nngh, nngh, like she was trying her hardest. It felt like she was comforting me.
âŠMy chest felt like it lightened, just a little.
That earnestness of hers soaked right into my heart.
Sheâs worried about me. She cares about me. The warmth of Shirogane-sanâs kindness seeped into me.
âAre you⊠worried about me, Shirogane-san?â
Before I even realized it, I blurted out something kind of clumsy, like I was begging her to say yes.
ââŠNot really.â
Even though I knew thatâs the kind of curt reply sheâd give, I still felt disappointed.
âŠBecause a small part of me was hoping she might actually say, âYeah.â
But even as she denied it, Shirogane-san kept patting my head. That made my heart tighten up, and happiness bubbled up inside me. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into the feeling.
âŠShe really is kind.
ââŠShirogane-san, youâre stopping?â
When her hand quietly left my head, I still wanted to feel her warmth. âŠJust for that moment, it had felt like she was being kind only to me.
âMm.â
âI see.â
But it seemed like that was the end for her. She stopped stretching and gently began to pull away. The Shirogane-san who had just been close and warm was about to leave.
ââTsubasa.
Even though she wasnât here, I could hear Futaba-sanâs voice echo in my ears, clinging to me.
ââŠKishine?â
Before I realized it, I was holding onto Shirogane-sanâs uniform, not letting go.
âŠI couldnât look her in the eyes.
Because I was too embarrassed.
Iâd reached out to stop her on impulse, like a child throwing a tantrum, just because I didnât want her to leave.
ââTsubasa.
And yet again, I could hear that smug, mean-spirited voice of Futaba-san calling her name.
Shut up, Futaba-san.
You just popped up out of nowhere and got all cozy with Shirogane-sanâŠ
ââI wanted to be the one to call her by that name first.
âUm, hey⊠Shirogane-san.â
Thinking about Futaba-san made my stomach churn. The feeling of not wanting to lose to her kept growing and growing inside me.
âŠYeah. Iâve made up my mind.
I took a breath to steady myself and looked straight at Shirogane-san.
âI⊠want to call you by your first name instead of your last.â
I said what I was feeling, honestly.
That I was jealous of Futaba-san.
âââIs it okay if I call you Tsubasa, not Shirogane-san?â
What I really wanted to say was, âI want to be special to you.â
So I told herâwithout hiding anything.
I could feel my own voice trembling.
Even I realized I was saying something that gave Futaba-sanâs teasing a strange sense of truth.
If she says no to this⊠IâŠ
I looked into her clear eyes, like I was standing before the Virgin Mary. Eyes so transparent, I felt like I could be drawn in, like I was floating in the sky.
The sunset painted everything in red.
Her figure, tooâit reminded me of the day we first met.
Time stretched, each second expanding.
The dusk felt like it could last forever.
And then, in that fleeting momentâ
ââŠOkay. If itâs you, Kishine.â
With those words, I felt like the ticking of the second hand had resumed its proper rhythm again.
From my chest, emotion slowly seeped out.
A ticklish, pounding, want-to-scream kind of feeling.
It spread through me, filling my whole chest.
âT-TsubasaâŠ-chanâŠâ
I still couldnât bring myself to drop the honorific like Futaba-san did, but I said her nameâthis precious girlâs nameâaloud.
âYeah.â
She gave a small but definite reply to my call.
âTsubasa-chan!â
âKishine.â
Hearing her respond the way she always does, using my name, made me so happy that I called her again.
âI think⊠Iâd like you to call me Rio.â
The words just slipped out, carried by a wish that maybe, just maybe, we could keep calling each other by name like this.
ââŠYouâre Kishine.â
It looked like it was still too soon for that. She didnât call me Rio.
A little disappointingâbut thanks to that, I managed to calm down a bit.
I thought I was someone who never really wanted much out of life⊠but now, it feels like Iâm becoming a little greedy.
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