Chapter 108: Birthday (Part 6)

I didn’t even know how long I had been crying.

“Uu… hic… Alicia…”

I just kept crying and crying.

When I got tired of crying and my dazed eyes wandered around the room, my gaze would land on something that reminded me of Alicia—and the tears would start again.

Trinkets I bought with my classmates after school.

Novels and manga I read together with Alicia.

A pair of transparent purple and light blue bracelets we bought at a hot springs town.

The big dolphin plush I was still hugging in bed.

The matching rings we gave each other for Christmas.

Every happy memory with Alicia was now just unbearably sad, and I couldn’t stop crying.

“…sniff… ueeeh…”

The overwhelming emotion wouldn’t stop pouring out, and I sobbed uncontrollably.

I couldn’t manage my feelings, like I’d reverted back to a little kid.

“Aliciaaa…”

Sad, painful, lonely, frustrating.

It felt like my heart was about to be crushed.

“…I need to go outside.”

I slowly sat up and muttered to myself.

It was too painful to stay in this room overflowing with memories of Alicia.

When I opened the closet to change, the clothes that came into view were all ones Alicia and I had picked out together. Each piece held memories, and as they came flooding back one after another, I broke down crying again, right there on the spot.

“…euh… Aliciaaa…”

Even so, I somehow managed to change into something suitable for going out, threw on a coat, and left the house. I sent a quick message to Yuna through the app: “Going for a walk,” so she wouldn’t worry.

—And to get to the point, the idea that stepping outside would help distract me was naive.

『What are we getting to eat today? Ramune? Chocolate? Ice cream sounds good too!』

The convenience store we’d stop by after school, looking forward to snacks.

『Freshly baked bread is so delicious! …I’m seriously moved!』

The bakery where she was amazed at how good freshly baked bread tasted.

『Just putting a letter in this box sends it anywhere in the world… That’s kind of amazing…』

The mailbox she was so impressed by when she learned how the postal system worked.

『…It’ll be okay. We will find the owner, I promise!』

The street corner where we found a stray kitten and ran around trying to find its owner.

“Ugh…”

All over town were memories of the adventures I had with curious, wide-eyed Alicia. And I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up again.

But bawling my eyes out near home was the worst idea. Who knew what rumors might start among the neighbors?

“Ugh… I need to find somewhere to calm down…”

I ran, head down, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

There was only one place outside my house where I could really settle down, and I headed straight there.

I ran up the stone steps leading from the base of the mountain to the shrine, went around to the back of the main hall, took off my shoes at the veranda of the shrine’s residence that doubled as the office, and stepped inside.

Without even knocking, I slid open the door and entered an empty room, then collapsed face-down onto the bed.

Souta’s room.

A house I’d been coming to since childhood—so familiar it might as well be my own. What filled this place were memories shared as a group of friends.

As I took a deep breath to calm my ragged breathing, the scent of Souta lingering on the bed reached my nose. It wasn’t particularly pleasant, but it wasn’t unpleasant either. With every breath, the restless storm in my heart began to settle down.

Feeling a bit calmer, I took off my coat and hung it on the hanger attached to the wall beside the bed. Then, I returned to the bed and slipped under the covers.

It might’ve been bad manners, but it was February and the room was cold enough to freeze, so I had no choice. It didn’t feel right to use the air conditioner without asking the owner first.

Wrapped up like that in the futon, the quiet comfort of the space and the fatigue that had built up in my body combined—and sleepiness crept in. I gave in to it and let my consciousness fade.

※　※　※

It had been a long time since I’d had such a quiet, dreamless sleep.

“Mm…”

As my consciousness drifted back, I sensed someone in the room and moved my gaze.

“Oh… you’re awake?”

Souta, who’d apparently been sitting at his desk doing homework, turned his chair around to face me.

“Ah, Souta. Morning…”

“It’s not morning, dude. It’s already evening.”

Souta’s tone carried a trace of exasperation.

“Mm… I was asleep…”

I responded with a foggy head.

Then, out of habit, I called out to Alicia in my heart, like I always did after waking up. As usual, there was no response.

I let out a sigh.

“…You okay? Are you caught up in something again?”

Souta asked, worried, seeing how I suddenly went quiet and gloomy after waking up.

“Did Yuna… tell you anything?”

I answered his question with another question. Souta shook his head.

“No, nothing… But I heard you skipped school yesterday, and your birthday party got postponed. That’s the last I heard…”

“I see…”

Hearing that made me hesitate for a moment. Would it be a burden to talk to Souta—who had nothing to do with this—about Alicia?

“If something happened, talk to me. Sure, I might not be able to do anything… but don’t bottle it up alone. Let me worry with you. Don’t shut me out.”

“…Thanks, Souta.”

I decided to lean on Souta’s kindness. I’d been holding everything in for too long, and his offer really meant a lot.

“In that case, could you come over here so I can talk?”

I patted the space beside me on the bed, inviting Souta to sit next to me.

“Uh… do I have to sit there?”

“Yeah.”

I said it with confidence, and though a bit hesitant, Souta stood up and timidly sat down beside me.

“Would you mind turning your back?”

“S-Sure…”

Souta turned his back to me and sat cross-legged on the bed.

“Thanks…”

…Alright. This will work.

Like this, he wouldn’t see my face. I didn’t trust myself to explain things without crying.

“Whoa!?”

I placed both hands on Souta’s back and leaned in, pressing close against him.

“H-Hey, what are you doing!?”

“I’m just hugging you… We’re both guys, so what’s the problem?”

“No, that is the problem. Two guys clinging to each other is just… gross, you know? Think about it rationally.”

Now that he mentioned it, maybe he was right.

Ever since I got this body, I’d been in a lot more situations involving physical contact… well, only with girls, really.

Maybe I’d gotten used to it—made it a habit.

Back when I was still a guy, I never once thought about wanting to cling to Souta.

But now… I craved human warmth.

“…In that case, it’s fine, isn’t it? Since right now, we’re a guy and a girl.”

“There’s nothing fine about that—that just raises more issues…”

Souta and I had a relationship that was practically family, and even when I was a guy, I had this level of physical contact with Yuna sometimes…

“I’m just… feeling kind of fragile right now. I wanna stay like this a little longer… Is that okay?”

“…It’s not like I hate it. If you’re fine with it, I don’t mind.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

Souta’s broad back was solid and rough—completely different from the soft, delicate girls I’d been close to before.

“Souta’s back is… way wider than I thought.”

Was I like this too?

I’d hardly ever seen my own back, so I wouldn’t know.

After a brief pause to collect my thoughts, I began to speak in bits and pieces.

That the day before yesterday, on our day off, I’d met up with Souta and the others, and even on the actual day of my birthday party—yesterday—Alicia still hadn’t come back.

That today, my family told me Alicia’s soul was destined to disappear, and that this might really be our goodbye.

I couldn’t hold back the tears after all, and clung to Souta’s back as I spoke, sobbing.

Souta stayed with his back to me the whole time, quietly listening, occasionally giving a small nod or a word in response. Even with my voice breaking and faltering, I somehow managed to get the whole story out.

“…I see. So Alicia-san…”

“I haven’t even said anything to her yet, and now she might not come back… sniff… This body is Alicia’s, not mine… and yet she’ll disappear while I stay behind…!”

I clenched my hands tightly against Souta’s back.

“They all kept it from me… I was the only one left in the dark…”

“…Are you angry at your family for that?”

“…No, I don’t think I am… not anymore. At first I felt betrayed, but… if they had told me everything, I don’t think I could’ve acted natural around Alicia.”

To begin with, the past six months had been overwhelming—just dealing with the fact that I was living in Alicia’s body. Even if they had told me the truth back then, I honestly don’t know if I could’ve handled it.

“And… it must’ve been hard on them too, staying silent all this time.”

“…Yeah. I think so.”

Especially Yuna, who was always closest to both Alicia and me.

She was always there, taking care of us with so much dedication. What must she have been feeling all this time?

“I can’t forgive how clueless I was… I’m sure I hurt Alicia so many times without even realizing it.”

“But that was something Alicia-san chose herself, wasn’t it? I don’t think she’d want you to beat yourself up over it.”

“…Yeah. You’re right.”

Souta was probably right.

…I want to see Alicia.

I want to hear your voice again, Alicia.

“It must’ve been really hard…”

Souta’s gentle words made the tears spill again.

Until my emotions calmed and the tears finally stopped, I just leaned against his back.

“Sorry, Souta… I got your shirt all messy…”

I awkwardly wiped the back of his shirt—now soaked with my tears and snot from burying my face in it—using tissues from beside the pillow.

Now that I’d regained my composure, the fact that I’d sobbed like a child against Souta’s back felt terribly embarrassing.

“Don’t worry about it. This is nothing.”

Souta turned around, placed a hand on my head with a gentle pat, and said that. It felt like he was treating me like a little kid again, which only made it more unbearable.

“Ugh…”

I let out a small groan under my breath.

Seeing me like that, Souta gave me a kind smile.

“…So, what are you planning to do?”

“…?”

Souta looked me straight in the eyes as he asked.

“I’m asking if you’re just gonna give up like this without doing anything. You’re not the type to throw in the towel that easily, are you?”

“…!”

His words snapped me back to myself.

Alicia is still inside me, even now.

It’s not over—not even close. It hasn’t even started.

I haven’t done anything yet…!

“…No. I don’t want to give up.”

“Then we’ve got to find a way to save her… Alicia-san is someone important to you, right?”

“…Yeah!”

I was once called a Hero in another world.

I once heard that a Hero is someone who rebels against the absurdities of the world and overturns them. In that case, I’ll defy this cruel fate to the bitter end—as a Hero.

“If there’s anything I can do, just say it. I’ll help however I can.”

“Thanks, Souta!”

I threw myself at Souta and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug.

“Wha—w-whoa!?”

Souta flailed in surprise at the sudden embrace, and I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

Yeah—that’s right. Whether it’s magic or a miracle, I will find a way to save Alicia.

I’m going to be the one to save her.