Chapter 116: Confusion

After parting ways with Aymok, I wandered through the city in a state of shock.

Just earlier, Aymok had taught me a spell—one that gave me a way to extract souls from human bodies.

Now, if I could only find a method to transfer a soul without it disappearing, I’d be able to save Alicia.

It felt like I was just one step away… and yet that one step remained so distant. What I sought was something even generations of otherworldly mages had failed to attain.

To begin with, my knowledge of magic leaned entirely toward the practical. I was completely lacking in the theoretical foundations. Even if I wanted to look for a method, the truth was—I had no idea where to even start.

What if… I never find it?

I lowered my gaze and looked at my own hand.

The hand in my view was small and slender—I started opening and closing it repeatedly, without any real reason.

I’d always told myself I’d do anything to save Alicia… no matter the cost.

But now that saving her meant giving up my own life, I found myself rethinking everything.

To return this body to Alicia.

I had no objections to that. I believed it was the right thing to do.

But that would mean… my existence would disappear.

—And in my mind, I saw the faces of my family and friends.

My mother’s smile, full of compassion.

Yuna’s completely trusting smile.

My father’s rugged, manly grin.

The tears Hisui shed at the funeral. Souta’s cries of anguish.

I had never seen my family grieve over me.

But while I was missing—my fate unknown—Yuna had told me that the smiles had vanished from our home, and the entire atmosphere had sunk into gloom.

If I chose this path, it would mean making them go through the loss of a family member all over again.

…How cruel would that be?

When I thought of that, I couldn’t say, with conviction, that I’d throw away my life to save Alicia.

—And then, I remembered.

The final memory from back when I was still Ikuto in the other world.

Alicia’s face, filled with painful determination, smiling at me.

Wouldn’t my decision trample on her resolve?

Somehow, I had this undeniable feeling that if I told Alicia the truth—if I explained everything—she’d tell me to live. She’d want me to prioritize my own survival over her own.

If I truly wanted to respect her will… then shouldn’t I be the one to live?

“…But even so, there’s no way it’s okay for Alicia’s soul to just vanish.”

I clenched my hand tightly over my chest.

This body belongs to Alicia—it’s only right to return it to her.

There’s no way I should be allowed to live on, stealing away the future happiness she was supposed to have.

Am I just using my family and her as an excuse to justify the fact that I don’t want to die…?

“Alice-san…?”

Suddenly, someone called my name, and I looked up.

It was Suzuka Hashimoto, a fellow member of my club.

“…Is something the matter?”

She looked at me with worry written all over her face.

“Um… it’s nothing, really…”

“That’s not the face of someone who’s okay. You can barely stay on your feet… Should I call Yuna-san?”

“N-no! It’s fine. Sorry, I just…”

I had no idea what kind of face I was supposed to show my family right now.

“…In that case, would you like to come to my apartment?”

“That’s… not really appropriate…”

Even if she didn’t live alone, going to a girl’s place was…

“I can’t leave Alice-san alone in the state you’re in. Don’t worry about it—please let me help.”

I decided to take Suzuka up on her offer.

“Only one of you—yourself or someone dear to you—can be saved, huh… That’s a painful choice.”

After hearing me out, Suzuka gave her honest impression.

Knowing my situation, and with only a faint connection to me from when I was Ikuto, Suzuka was the perfect person to talk to.

“I want to save Alicia. I want to return this body to her. That’s why… I think I need to remove my own soul.”

“You’re planning to make that decision without even talking to Alicia-san?”

“…I don’t know. But if I did tell her, I’m pretty sure she’d oppose me sacrificing myself.”

“That… may very well be true.”

"What… am I supposed to do?"

"Hmm, that is the question, isn’t it?"

Suzuka brought a hand to her lips, deep in thought.

"Say, Alice-san. How about we have a duel?"

"Fweh…?"

The sound that escaped me was utterly deflated—I couldn’t make sense of what she’d just said.

"Uh… um, sure, I guess…?"

Though suspicious of her sudden suggestion, I pulled my deck case from my school bag.

Suzuka unfolded a small table and set up a play space for us. We each shuffled our decks and placed them on the table.

After rolling dice to decide who would go first, the duel began.

Our turns flowed smoothly, practiced and calm. In the past few months, Suzuka had grown much stronger—she could now fight on even footing with both me and Souta.

Just as she was about to draw a card, Suzuka paused and spoke up.

"How about we let the outcome of this game decide your future, Alice-san?"

"W-what…!?"

If I win, I live. If I lose, Alicia lives. …Is that what she meant?

It was ridiculous. Letting the result of a duel decide our futures—this wasn’t even a joke.

"You seemed too torn to make a decision, Alice-san… But the one who decides is still you."

As she said that, Suzuka declared an attack with one of her summoned creatures.

I picked one of mine to block with.

From the early to mid-game, I was a little on the back foot.

But in the endgame, I clawed my way back by the slimmest margin, and now—I was just one move away from victory.

If I win this, Alicia will—My hand hesitated.

If I declare the attack, I win.

If I don’t, and simply end my turn, Suzuka will defeat me.

If I want Alicia to live… maybe I should end my turn now?

…No. I can’t do that.

Changing the outcome of a duel for reasons outside the game—that’s not how this works.

That would be an insult to the game itself.

"Attack."

I ordered my creature to attack Suzuka.

"I lost… it seems…"

"…Sorry, Suzuka. I can’t decide my future with a duel after all."

I apologized to her.

No matter how intense the match, a game can’t decide my fate.

"Of course not. Just as a game’s conclusion belongs within the game, the conclusion with Alicia-san has to be found through talking with her."

Suzuka spoke gently, like guiding me back from the edge.

"You need to have an honest conversation with her. Claiming it’s 'for her sake' while ignoring her feelings—that’s just you trying to have things your own way."

"Yeah… you’re right. I’m sorry, Suzuka."

She was absolutely right.

Avoiding the conversation just because I was afraid she’d object—that wasn’t fair.

"And besides, if Alicia-san helps, maybe you’ll find a way to save you both. That should be the first thing you aim for, shouldn’t it?"

With that, Suzuka stood up.

I sensed her moving past me, crouching behind and slightly to the side of where I sat.

"…But, I was really glad you relied on me."

Then, without warning, her arms wrapped around me from behind. Was it her shampoo? A floral scent drifted from Suzuka.

"Wh-wha!? Suzuka, what are you—hey, y-you’re pressing up against me!?"

The softness pressing into my back was honestly overwhelming—almost violent in its presence.

And yet, Suzuka’s expression didn’t waver at all. She stayed like that, without letting me go.

"You are being pressed against. Wasn’t it you, Alice-san, who told me that this kind of thing makes men happy?"

"W-well, yeah, but…"

It was me who gave her advice on how to use seduction techniques that seemed effective on Souta.

"So, how is it? Feeling a bit more cheerful now?"

…Does Suzuka even understand what exactly it is that gets “cheered up” when this is done to a guy? Not that I have one of those anymore…

"T-this kind of thing… you really shouldn’t be doing it to anyone other than Souta…"

There’s a problem with that—was what I tried to say, but Suzuka cut me off.

"It’s not a problem. I’ve already been rejected by Souta-san."

"Rejected… Wait, what!?"

I couldn’t hide my shock at her sudden confession.

"On Valentine’s Day, I received his answer."

"No way… but why…?"

Souta didn’t hate Suzuka—he definitely didn’t.

I knew there were complicated things about family and their future, but I always believed that if they truly cared about each other, they could get through it together…

"Because Souta-san’s heart belongs to someone else. That’s all there is to it."

"…I see. So there’s someone else Souta…"

I had no idea.

Why didn’t he talk to me about this?

That’s way too closed-off, even for him.

…No, considering I’m also close with Suzuka, I guess it makes sense he found it hard to say anything.

"So it’s fine, really. I’d like to enjoy hugging Alice-san too."

Apparently, Suzuka had been envious of how Hisui and Yuna would casually cling to me. Still, I always thought it’d be a problem for her to get too close to me, since I’m technically a guy.

But Suzuka stayed locked around me, showing no signs of letting go.

"Sigh… Maybe I should just follow everyone else’s lead and throw my hat in the ring as one of Alice-san’s suitors too."

"W-what are you—!?"

The whisper in my ear made my heart nearly leap out of my chest.

"What do you think? You like big breasts, don’t you, Alice-san?"

Why does she know that…? How?

"It’s obvious… You’re always looking at women’s chests. At first, I thought it was admiration or something like that… but after hearing you’re a man, it all made sense."

…Yeah, I need to be more careful.

"…B-but, I have Alicia…"

I mean, yes, her chest is very nice, but this is not okay.

Letting my relationships with women get any more complicated than they already are is a really bad idea.

Especially right now, when it’s just the two of us in Suzuka’s apartment. If she made a bold move, I’m not sure I’d be able to resist.

Noticing my panic, Suzuka giggled softly and said:

"…Just kidding."

And finally pulled her voluptuous body away from me.

"Besides, even if I know you’re a man, I still can’t see you as anything but a woman, Alice-san."

"…Huh?"

Even knowing I’m male inside, she still only sees me as a woman?

It felt like I could hear the sound of my identity as a man crumbling to dust.

"…Probably that person too."

That final murmur Suzuka added softly—I didn’t catch what she meant by it at the time.