Chapter 119: I Wish…… Part 4

I loved this world.

But I hated it.

I wanted to die.
I wanted to live.

I wanted to run away.
I wanted to stay.

I loved it.
I hated it.

I bore both love and hate.

"...That’s a lie."

But no matter what my past was… I never once wished for it to be destroyed.
The world where the people I love, the people I care about are alive… I only ever wanted to protect it.

"I don’t believe you…"

I denied Loki’s words.

He’s a liar.
This is a ploy.

…And yet, deep down, I already knew.
Why the Ancient One considered me dangerous, and why memories from other worlds still flowed into me.
The answer they pointed to… I had already realized it.

Loki chuckled bitterly, crossing his legs.

"Believe it or don’t believe it—"

He touched his chin with a finger.

"I need that power of yours."

"...!"

I shot to my feet.
Fear made me step back.

If what he said just now was true… then what does Loki intend to do with my memories?
No… if it isn’t the memories he’s after… if what he really wants is this "Watcher’s Eye of Observation"—

"Loki, your goal is—"

"You don’t have to be so afraid."

Loki snapped his fingers.

Snap—

And I was back in the chair.

"…Urgh."

A wave of dizziness hit me.
Nausea too.

My brain throbbed… was this mind control from the Mind Stone? Was it straining my brain?

"It’s not too late to hear me out. Relax, no one will suffer… it’s a Win-Win situation."

"………"

I wasn’t in peak condition.
I had to rest my body—my brain—even just a little.

"Now then, the question you asked me earlier. My purpose—"

Loki looked at me with a grave expression.

"—It’s to defy fate."

"……?"

I frowned.
The words were far too abstract.

Ignoring me, Loki went on.

"I was born fated to keep losing. To my brother, and to this world."

"…I see."

I gave a small response, but I listened.
I let myself listen.

"I was destined to be a loser. Like a fool. Everyone laughs at my defeats."

"………"

What was he trying to say? What was his aim?

"I’m tired of being a villain. I want to break free of this future where I always lose, like some storybook enemy. I want to be a good man."

"…What?"

…My eyes blinked on their own.

"Just like you. I want to settle my past, and rise above it for a brighter future. But the world won’t allow it."

"Loki…"

I wouldn’t sympathize.
If I did, that would be falling right into his trap.

"This world has decreed that I keep losing as a villain. That is my fate."

"……"

"I can’t be good. And if I try, I’m obstructed."

"…That means—"

I finally understood what Loki’s words meant.

He is a villain.
Born as a ‘character’ meant to be wished into being as such.
Changing that nature… is no easy task.

"I want to see a world where I can be good. And then, I want to imitate it… Will you laugh at me for that?"

"…No."

"Of course not. You couldn’t laugh at me."

Because… we are the same.
Both of us seeking to settle our pasts, to become good.
I couldn’t possibly mock him for that.

But—

"If what you’re saying is true, that is."

"It is true."

A lie.
It must be a lie.

Loki is the god of schemes, plots, tricks, and lies.
He must not be trusted.

"This story keeps twisting around. You’re just trying… to trick me."

I glared at him… and he answered with a sigh.
Then he stood up from his chair.

"It is the truth… but very well. Let’s set emotions aside and talk about practical benefit instead."

He took a step toward me.
I too rose from my chair.

"Practical benefit…?"

"Yes. I’m not asking you to help me for free."

Loki stepped closer, and I instinctively stepped back.
My back hit the wall.

"I don’t want anything. I’m fine as I am now."

"Even keeping things as they are requires a price, doesn’t it? Everyone knows that rule."

Step by step, he came closer.

"Even so, I don’t want—"

"Don’t you want to be rid of the ‘Watcher’s Eye of Observation’ within you?"

He pressed a hand against the wall beside my head.
His face was close.

"…!"

That’s right.
If I didn’t have it… I could live in peace.
I could wave my hands freely and affirm my right to exist.

Loki smiled as he spoke.

"You’re shaken, aren’t you?"

"…B-but, there’s no way I can hand that Eye over to—"

"I don’t even want it. I need it now, yes… but in time, I won’t."

"…What?"

I furrowed my brows.
Loki’s lips curled into a grin.

"I don’t want to destroy this world. Not Asgard, not Midgard on Earth either."

"……I don’t believe you."

"I see. Even so… isn’t this still an appealing offer to you?"

He pulled back the hand he had braced against the wall right beside me, then stepped a few paces away.

"You and I could be wonderful friends. So, tell me your wish."

"……Loki."

"You want to live, don’t you? You don’t want to trouble anyone, right? If so, then you should already know the answer."

"……But—"

"You don’t have to worry about the humans who kept secrets from you. They didn’t trust you. They wanted to hide things from you."

"Tha—that’s not—"

"They did. Of course they did. To protect the world, they’d do anything. Which means, sooner or later, they’ll plan to kill you."

Loki took my hand. I couldn’t shake him off.

"……Th-that’s not true."

Was it because his grip was stronger than mine? Or because my heart was weaker?

"You should understand. If there was someone who threatened the world, what would you do? You’d try to eliminate them, wouldn’t you?"

"……N-no…"

"You understand, don’t you? You know it’s true. You even felt it was right, didn’t you?"

"S-stop…"

"If you cooperate with me, everything will be solved. No more worries. You can stay with the lover you want. So, now—"

Loki’s green eyes gleamed. The Mind Stone entered my vision.

"Show me."

My consciousness blurred… and into the cracks of my heart, he slipped.

---

"……How easy it is."

I murmured the words. She couldn’t hear them.

Her physical abilities are extraordinary. And the ‘Eye’ she carries is terrifying as well.

But her mind is still just that of a human. Nothing more than a teenage girl.

"……Now then—"

I held the scepter in my hand… and with the Mind Stone, I connected her spirit directly to mine.

Inside, she felt that I was right. She couldn’t help but feel it.

It’s hard to slip into the soul of someone on guard, but once they open their heart even a little… they’re defenseless.

That’s why I needed the conversation. Had I forced the connection with the Mind Stone from the start… her mind would have rejected me.

But now—

Red, blue, and green lights filled my vision. Darkness and radiance reflecting.

I shed my physical body on the surface world, and let my spirit sink in.

Into her.

A dark world where fragments floated like bubbles. Those were her memories.

Such things are useless to me.

What I need is—

…There.

The "Watcher’s Eye" had already abandoned a physical form and fused with her spirit.

"……So it can’t be removed."

I couldn’t take it from within her. If I tried to rip it away… the Eye would collapse. And her mind would collapse along with it.

…Well, that doesn’t matter. I have no taste for pointless deaths.

I have no intention of keeping my promises. This is her problem.

Anyway, I will break the seal on the Eye.

Golden chains shattered. They were already fraying—it was only a matter of time before they broke.

I just sped it up a little.

"Then, I’ll borrow it."

I touched the Eye.

I was a cowboy.

I was a president.

I was a corrupt merchant.

I was a bounty hunter.

I was an alien.

I was an evil god.

I was a child.

I was a sinner.

I was a giant crocodile.

I was—

And yet, in every world, I was defeated by my brother. Arrogant, overconfident, humiliated in loss. Grinding my teeth, bearing the scornful laughter.

That is who I am. Loki.

A villain who fulfills others by losing.

No.

No. No, no, no, no!

There has to be a world out there where it isn’t like this!

I wander.
I drift.

In the spiritual world, time has no meaning.
An exploration as vast as infinity is nothing more than a fleeting few seconds.

I read through the endlessly aligned stories.

"……D-damn it… what is this?"

I had read a staggering amount of memories, stories.
And yet, I was still a villain.
Still a defeated loser.

Nothing ever went well.
Even if it seemed like it did, it would eventually collapse.

That is the fate of me, the fool.

"No… somewhere, there has to be a me, a me who—"

I wander.
Glancing through countless worlds—

And then I found it.

"There… there it is…"

A world where I fought as a child, alongside young heroes.
Where I fought with those I could truly call comrades, and where my brother… acknowledged me.

And yet—

My past self killed the child I was.
The me who tried to become good killed the good child I was… and stole his spirit.

"No… that’s not it!"

My past self was tormented by the guilt of killing my smaller self.
That guilt was exposed to my brother… who scorned me, struck me down.

And with the young heroes who had once been my comrades, I was left with a chasm between us that could never be bridged.

"No… that’s not it… why… why…?"

Nothing worked out.
As long as I am "Loki," I cannot escape defeat.

"I… am—"

Without meaning to, I staggered back.
I withdrew my spirit.

I had pulled back.

I had neglected to keep hold of the "Watcher’s Eye."

At a speed even I couldn’t comprehend, thousands, tens of thousands of memories surged like a flood, saturating everything.

"Damn—"

I could see.
I could hear.
But I couldn’t understand.

Information strung together like beads, one after another.
Endless stories forced into my brain.

The memories of thousands, tens of thousands of "me, Loki," all pouring into me—

"Ugh—ghhh—!"

CRACK!

With a sharp sound, I was expelled from her spiritual world.

"Haah, hahh…!"

Panting, sweat pouring like a waterfall… I turned my gaze back to her.

She was vacant, dazed.
Her mouth hung slightly open, breathing faintly.

But her appearance was abnormal.
Her eyes… her eyes were wrong.

They glowed pale blue.
Her eyes were shining.

No—that sight, I had seen it before.
When I once saw Uatu… his eyes had shone in the same way.
Literally, truly glowing.

It was the form he took when he unleashed the power to see across worlds.

But she clearly couldn’t control it.
She was just a human.
Unlike the Watcher, she couldn’t wield that power in full.

"……This might be… a little bad."

The space around her warped.
The sheer volume of information twisted the very air around her.

Memories carry "weight."
A massive accumulation of memories was giving birth to a mass that should not exist.

Endlessly, so long as the multiverse of parallel worlds existed, it would keep drawing them in.

In other words… infinite.

If infinite "weight" kept being added… gravity would be born.
Gravity that pulled in different worlds—

"A collision between worlds… an incursion… will happen…"

Different worlds colliding, everything collapsing.

……And for a moment, I found that amusing.
If nothing ever went right, then maybe it was better to just let it all end.

But that thought lasted only an instant.

I raised the scepter.

"……Forgive me. There’s no other way."

I leveled the tip like a spearhead.
With this, I would pierce her heart.

There was no way for me to stop the rampaging "Watcher’s Eye."
I thought—I had to stop this flood of memory, right here, right now.

I would kill her.
There was no other path.

"……I never intended to kill you. So, I will at least offer an apology."

Even as I spoke the words… I knew I would be hated.

I didn’t want this either.

But I cannot change.
I cannot change from what I am.
I was still a villain.

I pulled back the scepter, ready to drive it into her—

A sound like sparks cracked the air.
I turned my gaze—

A ring of light… hung, floating in midair.

"……What is that?"

It looked as though it connected to another space—

And in the next instant, something slammed into my face.
Something all too familiar.
A hammer.

---

I saw everything.
I saw every world.
I saw every story.

The sheer volume overwhelmed my brain’s capacity, burning it with information.

Stop.
I don’t want to see anymore.

But my eyes were forced open, made to see.

If I were a cup, the water had long since overflowed.
And yet water kept being poured in.

Overflowing.
Overflowing.

I desperately tried to keep the water inside, not letting it spill.
I endured. I endured. I endured.

I thought I’d reached my limit countless times.

And still, I endured.

And then—

"Come back. Your place is here, isn’t it?"

Golden light cut across my vision.
It was so dazzling my eyes went blind… and the stories vanished.

What I saw next was reality.
A sorcerer in a red cloak.

"Doc…tor… Strange?"

It was Doctor Strange.
I didn’t know what had just happened.
I was still dazed, my head pounding viciously.

"That’s right. Can you see? How many fingers?"

Strange held his hand open in front of me.

"……Three?"

"Good. Your sight is working."

I glanced at his other hand.
In it gleamed a golden stone… the Mind Stone.

Piece by piece, I began to understand.
What had happened to me. What was going on.

"……Loki, where is he!?"

I looked around—Loki was crouched, clutching his face.
And standing before him was—

"You’ve gone too far this time, Loki."

Red cloak. Silver armor.
A powerfully built, handsome figure.

In his hand, the hammer… Mjolnir.

"……Thor?"

It was Loki’s brother, the God of Thunder, Thor.
Prince of Asgard, one of the Avengers’ Big Three alongside Captain America and Iron Man.

And here he was.

"Ugh, b-brother… quite the dramatic entrance."

Loki pressed his nose with a sickening crack.
Blood spilled from his mouth.

Even as he writhed in pain, he looked up at Thor with a confused expression.

"Brother… how did you know I was here?"

"I’ll answer that for you, Loki."

Doctor Strange rose from beside me.
His face was grim—extremely displeased.

Loki scowled at him.

"What is this, a magician? A magus?"

"No. A doctor."

Their gazes clashed.

"This New York is protected by the wards of the Sanctum Sanctorum. The moment you broke her seal and began tampering with another dimension… I knew."

"……Troublesome."

There was no staff in Loki’s hand.
Looking down, I saw the broken scepter at his feet.

Mjolnir must have shattered it.
The Mind Stone that had been in its tip now rested in Strange’s grasp.

I touched my chest.
That torrent of information earlier—was it caused by the "Watcher’s Eye"?
If so, perhaps Strange had resealed it.
If the Ancient One could do it, it wasn’t strange that her disciple could.

Thor raised Mjolnir.

"I can hardly believe it. To plot the destruction of the world—"

"No, brother… that’s a misunderstanding!"

Loki flinched, retreating.
His eyes trembled.

…I knew those eyes.
Where had I seen them…?

Ah. A mirror.

I’d seen them in a mirror.
The eyes of someone terrified of being disappointed in.

Loki feared the disappointment of his brother, Thor.

But Thor did not realize it.

"……Enough. Say no more. In Asgard’s prison, you can repent for all eternity."

"Brother…!"

At some point, a dagger had appeared in Loki’s hand.
He raised it high—then with a swift motion, hurled it.

Thor—

"Hmph!"

Spun Mjolnir and swatted it aside.
The impact birthed a furious gust, forcing my eyes shut.

And the instant I opened them—

Thor was already upon Loki.
With his muscular arm, he seized Loki’s head and slammed it into the floor.

"Gah!?"

"This time, you’ve truly angered me."

Crack after crack splintered the wooden floor beneath them.
Loki groaned in agony, his voice hoarse.
Thor’s scowl only deepened at the sight.

"So even the words you spoke to me the other day… were lies."

"N-no, that’s not—"

"You swore you would become worthy, that you would become good!"

He pressed Mjolnir down against Loki’s body.
That alone twisted Loki’s face with pain.

For Mjolnir could only be lifted by those of noble spirit.
To Loki, it was as if an immovable weight had been placed upon him.

"Loki, what of it? To deceive a girl on Midgard, to plot the world’s end—"

"No, brother… I, I truly—"

"I’m done listening to your lies! Even as my brother, there are sins I cannot forgive!"

Loki clenched his teeth, writhing in anguish.

A liar. A villain. A pitiful, clownish figure…
Was I meant to laugh?

No.
I couldn’t laugh.

I must not laugh.
I didn’t want him laughed at.

"…No."

The word slipped from me.
Strange turned toward me.
Thor’s gaze flicked to me.
And Loki—looked at me with wide, unbelieving eyes.

"……Thor Odinson."

"What is it?"

Thor’s brows furrowed as he stared at me.
Stay out of this quarrel between brothers—that’s what his expression said.

But still—

"What Loki is saying… it’s the truth."

I had to defend him.
Even if Loki was a villain, I couldn’t let his desire to become good be denied.

"How can you be so sure? Loki is a liar. He’s deceived me more times than I can count."

"Even so… even if it’s his own fault… please, believe him."

Loki’s eyes wavered between pleading and confusion.
Why? Why was I protecting him?

"……You’re telling me to be deceived again?"

"No. I’m asking you to believe again."

When I said that, Thor folded his arms, frowning as if torn.
I pressed on.

"I connected with Loki earlier… in mind and spirit. I know. His wish is real. This outcome—it was an accident."

"An accident?"

"He’s not blameless… but only a little."

I could still feel it faintly, the remnants of Loki’s thoughts inside me.
The hunger to be praised, to be revered.
And above all, the desperate wish for recognition… from his brother.

That much, I understood.
Not noble, perhaps—but not evil either.
Just a human longing.

"So—"

I forced the words out—when suddenly, pain ripped through my head.

"Kh… ugh…"

Nausea, exhaustion, the edge of collapse.
The strain of the Mind Stone… and the Watcher’s Eye.
Both weighed on me, driving my body to its limits.

"……You—"

Loki, still bewildered, spoke to me.

"Why? Why would you choose to believe me… when I tried to kill you?"

His words made both Thor and Strange grimace.

…So that’s it.
He had tried to kill me.

To stop me when the Watcher’s Eye had gone berserk.
I understood.
Had I stood in his place, I would have done the same.

And because of that—

"Because… I thought we were alike."

At that, Thor’s brow knitted tighter.

"……Alike? You and my brother?"

I nodded.

"Because… I can’t think of it as someone else’s problem… urgh—"

My head spun. My body had reached its limit, and I collapsed.
Strange hurriedly caught me before I hit the ground.

"S-sorry… Strange…"

"Don’t push yourself…"

"But…"

As I struggled, Thor let out a deep sigh.
Then he lifted Mjolnir from Loki’s body.

"Very well. For her sake, I’ll trust you one last time."

"Brother…"

"But this will be the last."

Thor seized Loki by the shoulder, forcing him to his feet.
He staggered a few steps, his back striking a desk shattered in the earlier chaos.

"And there are questions I need answered. About that scepter, among other things. So—you will return with me to Asgard."

"…Urgh… very well."

Loki grimaced in pain, yet a faint smile tugged at his lips.

Thor turned his eyes from Loki, who had slumped into a chair, and looked to me instead.
He approached—

"…You have my thanks."

I blinked up at him from Strange’s arms.

"…Thanks?"

"Even so, he’s my brother. Without your words, I could not have brought myself to trust him."

"That’s… nothing…"

"Accept gratitude when it’s given. I too… will try to believe in him again."

His large hand tousled my hair roughly. My hair was a complete mess.

Then Thor grasped Loki’s shoulder once more and raised Mjolnir toward the heavens.

Strange spoke as he watched.

"Heading back already?"

"Aye. And my thanks to you as well, sorcerer magus."

"…Doctor Strange."

"Is that so? Then I leave the scepter in your care. Farewell, doctor of medicine."

Thor raised Mjolnir skyward once more—

A thunderous sound split the air. A rainbow of light pierced down upon Thor and Loki.
In the next moment, with a roar, both vanished.

They had returned to Asgard.

Even so—

"Truly, what troublesome gods."

Strange spat the words.

The Bifrost had struck down from above.
In other words, the ceiling of the building we stood in had been blown apart.

Charred fragments of wood rained down onto the broken floor, the acrid stench of smoke biting at my nose.

"…Strange."

"What is it?"

"Loki said… if I go on living, I might destroy this world. Was that… true?"

I asked him, remembering Loki’s words.
I didn’t doubt them.
I already knew.

The danger my very existence posed.

Strange closed his eyes briefly, then looked back at me.

"It’s true. The Watcher’s Eye inside you draws threats to this world."

"…I… see."

I shut my eyes.

I love this world.
I’ve come to love it.

Not only as a story.

As someone living within it—
meeting friends, a lover, and people I could respect.

…So if my being alive meant that someday—

"But what of it?"

"…Eh?"

Strange laughed at my words, without the slightest trace of grimness.
I couldn’t help but ask again.

"But… if I stay alive, the world could—"

"That hardly changes whether you’re here or not."

Even as he carried me, our conversation continued.
Strange—he was the type to avoid risks whenever possible.
And yet, why—

"Michelle Jane… ah, Watson as well. I understand your fears."

"Then why…"

"With or without you, this planet is always under threat."

Strange’s cloak—the Cloak of Levitation—wrapped around me.
Like a hammock, it cradled me in its warmth.

Then he raised a finger.

"Aliens, invaders from other realms, evil sorcerers, trickster gods, mad genius scientists, giants, dragons… those threats came regardless of you."

"…………"

"But did this world perish?"

Strange pointed at the ground.

"It didn’t perish. Because there were those who drove back the crises."

He snapped his fingers, and golden light shaped itself into dolls. They were the heroes I admired.

"A world crisis is not something to panic about. That’s why we exist."

"…Strange."

His words, affirming my existence, brought tears to my eyes. He was telling me it was okay to live.

"You see the danger in the crises your very existence attracts. That’s correct. But tell me—who wants your death?"

Strange shook his head.

"That’s why what you need is not the resolve to die. What you need is the resolve to fight, to live and see tomorrow."

And Strange smiled.

"…Thank you."

"Looking after a patient’s mental state is also a doctor’s job."

At his wry reply, I let out a small laugh… and surrendered myself to the floating cloak. It rocked gently, swaying back and forth. Like a cradle… and I let go of my consciousness.

---

With the girl sleeping soundly atop the Cloak, I conjured a portal with the Sling Ring. Destination: the Avengers Tower medical bay.

"One problem after another, huh."

Grumbling to myself, I set her down on a bed. I’d have to contact Nick Fury later.

I held up the Mind Stone in my hand. Its substance radiated light, glittering.

Michelle Jane Watson. Within her lay the “Eye of the Watcher”… its resealing was complete.

It would have been impossible alone, but luckily, I had the Mind Stone. My skills as a sorcerer combined with its power—together, that made the seal possible. Truly, my teacher’s ability to seal it unaided was astounding.

…Well.

"But, the threat to the world…"

I don’t believe I can repel every threat with my power alone. I’m not that arrogant.

The only ones who know about the “Eye of the Watcher” are myself and Nick Fury. No—Captain and Tony Stark may not know what it is, but they understand at least the danger she poses.

I looked at the girl lying on the bed, breathing softly in her sleep.

The seal on the “Eye of the Watcher” is imperfect. Strictly speaking, a complete seal is impossible.

That thing interferes with other realms both from within and from without. Even if I lock it from the outside, eventually, it will be unraveled by interference.

"And beyond that—"

There’s always the danger of someone deliberately undoing it, as happened this time.

Just as she said, just as my master once said, keeping her alive is dangerous.

"But even so…"

She wanted to live. Finally. She finally wished to live.

A human wish. The same wish I’ve seen in so many of my patients. Universal, primal.

And so—because of that—I felt joy that she was finally able to say it aloud.

"He’s been doing well too."

The face that came to mind was Peter Parker’s. As her lover, he had deeply influenced how she lived. For the better.

I drew from the Sling Ring’s light a small box. I placed the Mind Stone inside.

Immediately, the box shifted on its own, making a clattering sound as its patterns rearranged. A magical lock. Nearly impossible to break, certainly impossible to open by brute force.

I stored it back into the light. Its resting place: the Sanctum.

"Now then…"

I looked down at the girl, sleeping with such a peaceful face.

At least in her dreams, I wanted her to rest without worry. I couldn’t help but wish for that.

…And yet.

"Why did Loki have the Mind Stone?"

I sat down on a chair in the medical bay, hand at my chin.

"And why did he know of the ‘Eye of the Watcher’ she carries?"

…Unclear.

But I had realized: the threat she had drawn to this world… was approaching.

Still, I had no regrets. I would never regret saving her.

If the world must perish unless this girl is sacrificed, then it is not the girl, but the world, that is wrong.

"…I’ll consult Fury."

We need strength. We need allies.

To defeat the great enemy, we need a light of hope to shine through the darkness.