April First: How Princess Cayce Should Have Ended
Hello everyone! I wrote three short stories for April Fool's - just for fun, enjoy. It's titled:
How Princess Cayce Should Have Ended
Ending One
From Book 1, Chapter 1:
“Computer, arch.”
The glowing outline of a door appeared before me, and the light increased as the door slid up. Somehow following the boat as if it were floating atop the river, the door opened up to a bright room , red carpet, beige walls.
I stepped from the boat into the room, the door made a swooshing sound, and the river vanished as it closed.
A man’s voice rang out in the open space, “You’re out!” Not much taller than me, and wearing what looked like a jumpsuit, he ran down the ladder.
“Wha-a-at? What is going on?”
“Here, allow me.” He reached up to my head and pulled a thick piece of grey tape off.
The memories came flooding back. I grabbed my temples as waves of pain spiked. Wife, three kids, big house, stupid expensive car, all flashed in front of my eyes. Oh! This whole experience was a new interactive game and, as CEO of the company, I was testing it out. Dizzy, nauseous, and about to fall, I grabbed onto a nearby metal railing.
“Good lord is that real! I really thought I was a woman.”
“Oh, you have no idea!”
“How long was I in there?”
“Maybe ten seconds.”
“Ten seconds! I experienced at least an hour. The shit smelled real! I thought that guy was going to rape me! I’m going to . . . Jesus, I have to call legal. How old did you make me? A fucking child! What were you thinking!”
“Ha! So, you liked it. Seriously, what’d you think?”
“Martin, listen to me, you cannot have a story where a child winds up in a war zone! Let alone almost raped! Wait, can sexual violence . . . did you seriously encode sexual violence into our new game?!?”
“It’s an adult only game. Relax. We passed all the licensing boards. It’s rated X, but marketing projects almost no effect. No other game comes close to this level of interaction.” He quickly walked over to me, taking my arm, “How’re you feeling? It takes a bit to get reoriented. But the champagne is waiting!” Pulling me by my arm, he helped me over to a desk, bottle sitting in ice. “Will you be ok on your own?
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Good. Here,” Martin poured us both drinks. “To the first truly immersive game!”
Lifting the bubbly, I took a small sip, “Cheers. Man, wow. You’ve seriously run this by legal?”
“Oh, yeah. They’re on board. Listen, the next player won’t be a girl. Won’t be the girl you played anyways. We’ll hard code it so only adults can be taken over.”
“Taken over? What are you talking about?”
“Played. I mean played. The, uh, game continues even without players. Like, your girl in there remains in the boat, going across that wide river. Only now you’re not playing, so she’s on standby. Probably rowing or something, maybe asleep. We could check, just a sec.” Taking the tablet back, he scrolled through some screens, expanding some, pressing here for there.
“Why doesn’t the game pause?”
“It’s a sandbox world. All this info will come back to you, you’re still in post-game shock.”
“Shock. No, we’re going to need a better word. Post-game pause?”
“Refractory period?”
“Ha! No. Something more relaxing sounding. Cool-down?”
“Let marketing work that one out. Anyways, you were in there for over an hour? Ah-ha! Here,” The programmer slid the tablet over to me. “Here, here you are. In the game world I mean! Pretty fucking cute! What’s it like being a girl?”
The young girl was visible on the boat, sleeping on the oars, the current taking the boat where it pleased. I had to force myself to look away, and shuddered involuntarily. It felt like hovering over my own body. Like all those stories about near-death experiences.
“God, I don’t even know where to begin.” I had another sip and set the glass down. “Frightening, mostly. Everyone’s bigger and stronger than you. I’ll have to be nicer to my wife and daughter. Jesus. Look, what about on this end? Any hiccups?”
“None. No glitches, nothing. As smooth as a baby’s bottom!”
I pointed my glass at him, “Keep that out of the documentation.” Looking around, the colors in this room were muted, mostly greys and steel, some dark browns. “Any of the volunteers experience, well, how were their sensations after? Everything seems a little drab.”
“There’s nothing like being young again. Hey, you were only in there ten seconds. You want to experience more of the game? Go back in?”
The table legs were a bland grey. A bunch of monitors and blinking lights were the only colorful display in this room. I gestured to the glass, “What champagne is this? It’s not great.”
“Dom Perignon. What do you mean not great? This is good stuff.”
“You know, yeah. Yes, I would like to,” I shrugged a little, “see the game to its conclusion. How long do you think that’ll take? What time is it anyways?”
“Maybe another hour on this end. It’s early, Friday afternoon. We’ve got the time.”
“Let’s get me back in then. Hey, how many people can play this at once?”
“Millions. Here, finish your drink and we’ll get you back in.”
No idea why I drank it, but we were celebrating. Still, the bubbly wine tasted almost bitter. Then Martin brought me to a dentist’s chair surrounded by eight pillars that looked, for all the world, like speakers. “I don’t recall this at all.”
“When you exited the game, you thought you were stepping out of the world into this one. We designed it like that, to keep the immersion going. Your body was here, though, lying down. You just don’t remember getting off of it. Here,” he helped me get onto the chair, lying down, and then began putting sensors on my head, tightened straps around my stomach, legs, and arms.
“Are these really necessary? I feel like I’m about to be given shock therapy or something.”
“We try to keep the body from moving via the reticular formation, but that doesn’t always work. These keep you from hurting yourself.”
“Alright.”
Martain placed the larger sensor on my forehead, then backed up to the wall. “I just press this button and you’ll be back in. Ready?”
“How long do you think the game will take?”
“Forever.”
“What?”
Martin gave me a crooked smile. “The poison is fast acting. You’re probably feeling it now.”
“What?” I pulled and pulled at the straps. A grogginess hit me, eyelids heavy and closing. I needed to sleep, but fought that, “Martin! What the hell?”
He came closer, bent down to my face, “It’s not a simulation. You’re going to another planet – hell, another universe! And now I’m going to test what happens when there’s no body to return to. Don’t worry, I’ll run the company after your gone. Enjoy being young again.”
“Martin!” I could scarcely get the words out, “You . . . bastard!”
***
Little waves lapping against the shore, blurry greyish-blue dawn lightening ever so slightly, something prodding my shoulder. I tried to wave it away, but it grabbed and shook me. “Wake up! Who are you, soldier? What contingent?”
My eyes opened to a man wearing chainmail, hand on my shoulder, shaking me . . .
***
Ending Two:
Book 1, Chapter 10:
The dowager led us back to the tent, perhaps to make sure we arrived safely. Or just to prevent further attempts at fraternizing.
“You two!” She had new bodyguards waiting for me. “Ensure these . . . ladies . . . enjoy a quiet night. As for you,” she turned toward us, “get a good sleep and quickly.” Then walked away.
I briefly wondered what the dowager did at night, but then her word choice hit me. Ladies? Plural? My stomach dropped at the notion of spending the night with four giggling teenage girls. Fortunately, three of them said their goodbyes and headed off to another tent. Only Sapphire followed me in.
“Finally! The day is done and we can talk.” She jumped into a hug. “I was so worried for you.”
“I’m ok, really.” I gave her a strong squeeze, hoping that would placate her. Laying my arm flat, I pushed my fingers into my forearm, ignored the pain signals this body thought were appropriate, and withdrew a metal cylinder.
“Cayce!” shouted Saph, “what are you doing???”
“Here, isn’t this strange?” Turning the pen toward her, I pressed the button. It flashed in ultraviolet, beyond human eyesight, and the girl blinked over and over. “Excellent. Be a good girl and bring the guards in one by one.”
“Yes, Princess.” True to her word, Saph somehow brought each guard in and I flashed them.
The two hulking guards made it considerably easier, especially at night. One by one, they brought their companions into the tent and soon they became my companions. My workers.
As our entourage filled up, we went tent to tent. Saph had some of the soldiers fetch the ale cart and we once again pushed it around, refilling the soldier’s cups, and turning them into my willing servants.
A shrill voice rang out in the night, “What is the meaning of this??? Princess, you are in trouble like you’ve never seen before! As for you guards,” the old crone shouted, shaking with rage, “you will be on latrine duty for the remainder of your careers!”
One of the guards simply took her by the arms.
“What is the meaning of this! Take your hands off of me!”
“Here,” I said, holding up the wand and about to press the button when I thought the better of it. Perhaps the old lady deserved an explanation. “Three men, hold her.”
Large soldiers held each of her arms, one put her in a choke hold from behind, but didn’t squeeze too hard, and the dowager ceased struggling. “A coup? It won’t last long under a child’s leadership. You’ve . . .” she scanned left and right, looking for anyone to call upon, “shown some tenacity, I’ll grant you that.”
“Tenacity is an unusual word choice.” Approaching near her, but not too near, I continued, “We’ve tried this on other worlds. More technologically advanced worlds, but never on one with magic. Magic! What is it?”
“What are you babbling about? Girl, have these men unhand me! You won’t take the Barclays without my help!”
Just then, Duke Barclay’s angry voice could be heard, coming nearer, “You men unhand me! You have no right!” He was being dragged over here by his own men.
“Ah, that’s nice. We’re proceeding apace with the conversions.”
When he saw me, the man shouted, “Princess Cayce!” He looked at his men, “What did she offer you? I’ll give you more. A lordship! To whichever man shackles her!” The soldiers only held onto him even tighter.
“Dowager, observe.” Holding the wand up to the duke, I pressed the button and he became mine.
The soldiers released him and, after he caught himself, he said, “I will get your brother.”
“Excellent. Thank you.” Then, to the elderly woman, “As you can see, the Barclays offered no great resistance.”
“You aren’t the princess. Who . . . who are you?”
“It’s more what am I doing. And how. Those are the questions foremost on your mind. Oh,” I held the wand up, “it’s not magic. You can’t fight it, not on this planet. Soon, I will control the entirety of this army. We’ll expand into the peasantry next.”
“The mages will stop you!”
I was growing tired of her voice. “No, they won’t. This world is ripe for my kind and soon we will build wonders! Anyways,” I pushed the button, she instantly relaxed, soldiers releasing her, and I added, “tell me who you were working with and go get them. We have to plan out a strategy to infiltrate the enemy army and convert them, too. No more wars. I want to build infrastructure! Spaceports. From here, the galaxy.”
***
Ending three
Book 5, Chapter 48 (exiting the mirror):
To hell with it. I placed my hand on the bright red door, searing my flesh, pulled it quickly back, gasping. Steam rising off my now useless hand. Legs numbing, needles in my back, I was going to die. Spiders sinking their fangs into my thighs, stomach, neck, more crawling up.
Took a deep breath, pushed my ruined palm against the molten metal. It cooked and blackened and moved through and I stepped forward into death, burning alive, burning away this flesh, escaping this prison.
I knew who I was. Raven in North America, Jackal in Africa, Fox of Mesopotamia. And in Europe, Loki!
And by the All-Father, I was a god and I was going to act like it! No more princess for these people.
The memories washed over me, thousands and thousands of years, and the power! And then the I that was me, Cayce, faded, a mere few months in an immortal lifetime. Stepping through that mirror, I breathed deeply in the stale books of the library, terror in the sweat of guards seeing an adult man walk out of a mirror.
“Kill her!” he shouted, running for the door.
“No thank you.” I snapped my fingers and turned the lot of them into frogs. Except Morrentz. After healing him, I helped him up. “Sir, I must thank you for taking care of my, well, the princess.”
“Who the hell are you?”
“Ah.” I made clothing for my body, then reached for his hand to shake it. “She was but a small part of me. And I won’t forget what you’ve done. Anyways, I’m going to go lay waste to the humans who bothered me. You should probably remain here.”
After walking out the door, well, my creatures had a lot to feast on.
***
If you have your own joke-endings, post them in the comments!
Comments (0)
Please login or sign up to post a comment.