Chapter 41: Day 9 ④

Outside, it was still dark. The sun remained well below the horizon; it would be at least two hours before its light reached this mansion.

In this world of stillness, my room—illuminated by the indoor lights—was equally silent. Or rather, it was heavy. Rin was staring at me from right in front of my face. She had those narrow, judgmental eyes... It was terrifying.

"U-um..."

I clasped my hands in front of my chest and let my gaze wander around the room, but unable to bear the silence, I finally spoke. My posture was naturally defensive, and my voice didn't want to come out properly.

"...So..."

I tried to initiate conversation, but Rin gave no reaction. It seemed I hadn't broken the deadlock yet. What should I do? What could I do? In the end, I just sat there, flustered.

Just as the echo of my voice completely faded, Rin finally let out a long sigh. Whether she had been deep in thought or not, that breath seemed to carry a heavy weight.

"I’d like to know exactly what your line of reasoning was, throwing a pillow at me."

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! It wasn't on purpose..."

I snapped into a rigid, upright position. Then, I began bowing my head repeatedly like a frantic grasshopper.

"I suppose... if you had done it on purpose, my fist would have reached you by now."

"Eek."

"Sit," she commanded, and I immediately dropped into a formal seiza position. Rin crouched down in front of me to match my eye level. Her voice was terrifyingly flat. I’ll say it again: she was scary.

"Fine. So, what was that about? Suddenly throwing a pillow."

Rin exhaled softly and pulled her knees to her chest. Her voice instantly returned to its usual tone. I also let out a breath of relief and straightened my posture.

"I apologize. I was... a bit agitated."

"That’s what I’m asking, why were you agitated? Something happened, didn't it? Since I got a pillow to the face, I think I have the right to ask."

She spoke with the corner of her lip curled up, playfully tapping my forehead with her palm.

"Well... you see..."

I hesitated. Should I really say, "I was being attacked by you in a dream"? A certain memory from a while back flashed through my mind.

...A memory of a past occurrence:

"It seems that for some reason, Rin harbors an excessive interest in my body."

"—Excessive interest? Tohsaka... don't tell me, you..."

In a room where no one moved and no words were spoken, a few seconds passed before Shirou, as if realizing something, took a step away from Rin. His face was twitching, and he continued to retreat slowly.

"N-No, that's not it! A-Archer! Don't say weird things!!"

"Saber, you must not get too close to Tohsaka. You never know what she might do."

Shirou pulled Saber back by her arm. But Saber wasn't the type to just follow along meekly.

"Yes, I understand, Shirou. —Rin, let me state this in advance: I do not share that particular hobby. At least, I do not intend to willingly engage in it. I must ask you to seek elsewhere."

Saber stepped forward, holding her hand out toward Rin as if to say "STOP!"

I see. So a Servant is something that protects their Master, not something to be protected by them.

"Even you, Saber..."

Apparently, Saber’s words hit home; Rin slumped to her knees, looking utterly defeated.

...That actually happened. And I was the cause.

Judging by the content of my dream, it wasn't exactly a complete falsehood, either. Still, it was something I felt hesitant to put into words.

Wait... huh? I remember the dream.

Until now, only fragments remained by the time I woke up, and I would forget them as my consciousness fully awakened. But today, I remember clearly. In fact, regarding these "experience dreams," I have memories of everything from the first day to last night. No, it might be more accurate to say I "recalled" them.

But... why?

"Hey."

"Yes! Ah, what is it?"

I must have been lost in thought. Rin’s voice brought me back to reality. At some point, Rin had lowered her head. Her voice was trembling.

"Is it still no good? You can't tell me?"

"No good? What exactly do you mean...?"

My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't see Rin’s expression since she was looking down, but I could easily hear the tint of anguish in her voice.

"What are you hiding?"

"H-hiding? There’s no such..."

"I’m not an idiot. I noticed something happened between you and Lia. And that the problem deeply concerns the existence of both you and her. —That story about the 'differentiation of a person based on variations in legend'... that was a lie, wasn't it?"

"............"

Rin was glaring at me. Her face was red, and the corners of her eyes were slightly moist as she watched me.

I was met with her doubts, yet because I remained silent, Rin shook her head and looked down again.

"It’s been bothering me the whole time. It’s impossible for the same Heroic Spirit to be summoned to the same place and have personalities this different. In the first place, are you and Lia really the same Heroic Spirit? You're supposed to be King Arthur summoned as an Archer, yet only Saber is said to have those characteristics. You can handle a Japanese longbow that shouldn't have existed in that era, and it was the same with those Chinese swords last night. Why were Chinese daggers the first thing you produced? Even for daggers, shouldn't you be more accustomed to using Carnwennan, which King Arthur was said to possess? ...There are too many things about you I don't understand."

I couldn't return a single word. My thoughts wouldn't spin correctly.

My eyes were wide open without blinking; my lips trembled, but I couldn't even open my mouth. Seeing my state, Rin flashed a self-deprecating smile.

"...I thought so. You seem to trust me, yet you tell me nothing. I thought you’d tell me the truth eventually, but you always just dodge the question and say something that sounds plausible. Tell me. Am I not good enough to be your Master? Do I lack the strength?"

"N-no, that's not it! That isn't true at all! Rin, you are a magnificent...!"

The words poured out of her like a broken dam, and my frantic denial rang hollow.

I didn't know if it was from the surge of emotion or the frustration of not being trusted, but a tear rolled down Rin's cheek. That Rin Tohsaka was shedding tears while hurling those words at me.

"Then what is it?! What’s the difference?"

"That is..."

The words wouldn't follow. Perhaps out of guilt for what I had been hiding, I averted my gaze from Rin and looked down.

What should I do? Should I tell Rin everything?

I had hidden it this far because I didn't want Rin Tohsaka to know that I was the wretched remains of Emiya Shirou, but was that really something I had to uphold even if it meant making Rin anxious?

I didn't even need to think about it. There was no way I should be allowed to make Rin sad just for my own selfishness.

—However. If I reveal everything here, won't that cause even worse problems?

I can't explain my current self without talking about the circumstances of my past and my entire life as Emiya Shirou. If I do that, I will inevitably have to speak about the outcome of the other Holy Grail War I know. I'm not skilled enough to talk around it while keeping it hidden.

If Rin learns broad information about the future, could it lead to some grave mistake?

There was no issue with telling Lia. She is strictly a Servant, and the final judgment on matters is made by the Master. It is Shirou and Rin who would be swayed by the information, and depending on their judgment, it could involve everyone's life or death.

Besides, the knowledge I gained during the Holy Grail War as Emiya Shirou is vague; I don't know everything. It's the same for information on other Servants. Just because I know their Noble Phantasms, fighting styles, or a few abilities doesn't mean I know everything about them. ...There’s even a possibility they possess multiple Noble Phantasms I don't know about.

Thinking about it that way, I can't speak carelessly. Above all, telling her might ultimately result in danger for Rin and Shirou.

"—Servant, Archer. My True Name is Artoria Pendragon. My more famous name is King Arthur."

"Yes, that’s you."

"After I was summoned by you, that is how I identified myself. —However, strictly speaking, while I am Artoria Pendragon, I am not King Arthur."

"Eh? You have the name of King Arthur, but you aren't King Arthur?"

Even so—I will speak. I will confide in Rin as much as I can.

If I say nothing here, the trust we’ve built will crumble, and a massive crack will surely form between Rin and me. Once that happens, it can never be undone. A sense of distrust, once born, cannot be easily wiped away. Rin might trust me as a "combat unit," but she would never trust me as a person again. We would cease to be partners and fall into a relationship of purely a "user" and a "tool"—a mere Master and Servant.

But that’s just the result. I don't even need to think about that. Because the truth is, I simply don't want to lose Rin’s trust. That’s all there is to it.

"............And do you remember when I said at that time that I have two True Names? I have no proof, but I believe the reason I was summoned in the Archer class is related to that other True Name."

"Eh? Ah, that you had two... wait, what?! I just assumed your 'title' was King Arthur..."

So she had misunderstood. I did think it was strange that she never pressed me on that point.

"Rin. 'King Arthur' cannot be a True Name. Artoria—no, Artorius—is simply referred to as King Arthur as a regal title."

"...Now that I think about it, you're right. Why didn't I realize that then? So, what is this other True Name?"

"I am sorry, but I still cannot speak of that. If I were to tell you now, it would cause various complications."

Rin placed a hand on her chin, lost in thought. Her slightly reddened eyes pierced through me.

"...Complications? Hey, if knowing your True Name causes problems, does it mean you have some sort of fatal weakness?"

"No, it’s not exactly like that... Though it’s true that as 'that name,' I might be full of weaknesses. But it’s not the kind of thing where my combat parameters would drop."

"—I see. So it’s not a situation that puts you at a direct disadvantage. What about being able to use Chinese swords and a Japanese bow?"

"That... is related to the other name."

"You can't tell me. I see... Understood."

"I'm sorry."

I bowed my head deeply. What I had told her was next to nothing, but anything more would lead back to Emiya Shirou.

"You don't have to apologize. More importantly, you aren't lying about what you just said, right?"

"Yes, I am not. I swear it on my name—on the name of Alto."

Rin stared intently into my eyes. I didn't look away, meeting her gaze. I simply looked back at her, straight and true.

"...Fine, then. I’ll accept that for now."

After a while, Rin wiped her eyes with her sleeve and stood up.

"...I'm sorry. Acting like a spoiled brat at my age. But it’s your fault too, you know? From now on, try to be a bit more considerate of your Master’s feelings."

Whether she was trying to hide her embarrassment or not, Rin spoke bluntly while her face remained red. At the same time I felt apologetic, an uncontrollable sense of affection welled up within me.

I still don't know the reason why I am here. In this incomprehensible situation, I felt glad that my Master was Rin. I truly felt that way.

"...Yes. Thank you, Rin."

When I gave a small nod, Rin let out a short "Hmph" and turned away.

"Oh, one last thing I wanted to ask."

"Yes?"

Rin, who was about to leave the room, stopped and looked back. I had just stood up as well, so our eyes were at the same height.

As she turned, she gave a gentle smile and said one thing.

"Your True Name—that other name of yours. Will you tell me someday?"

"I suppose so."

I don't know when that will be.

"Surely. One day, without fail."

"Right. I’ll look forward to that time, then."

With a smile, she said only that and resumed walking. Within moments, her back disappeared into the hallway.

Even after she was gone, I continued to stare at the door Rin had exited for a long time.