Chapter 42: Day 9 ⑤

I stared at the door for a while, lying on my futon while organizing my thoughts. I covered my face with my right arm, casting a shadow from the indoor light I had left on.

...A faint ringing echoed in my ears as I recalled what had happened earlier. My mind was filled with a mix of relief for not having to speak and a deep sense of guilt toward Rin.

I had decided then that I couldn't tell her because it might lead to a lapse in judgment—but was that really all?

Had I reached that conclusion solely out of concern for Rin and Shirou? Could I truly say I gave a sincere answer to Rin, who had opened her heart to me?

————No, that wasn't it.

She is always the one who stops Emiya Shirou from acting purely on emotion. Rather than me thinking alone, she would surely utilize her knowledge to devise a far better strategy than what I have now.

If something were to go wrong, Lia, Shirou, and I would simply need to support her and offer our input. At that moment, I was merely searching desperately for a "reason not to speak" about my true identity.

I won't deny that I wanted to remain an "irregular Saber." The anxiety of having it revealed that I am Emiya Shirou is a root that always stays buried in my heart.

That anxiety gave birth to a convenient underestimation of Rin. I used it as an excuse to run away. I need to think calmly about what I should do from here on.

I pushed myself up with my hands. Exhaling a small breath, I stared vacantly at the stylized puppy printed on my pajamas.

————What do I... what do I myself want to do?

Having borrowed the body of Saber through a twist of fate, what on earth do I want to become?

My current existence is surely terribly ambiguous and unstable. Far too weak. I am so fixated on my "place to belong" that I am failing to do what must be done. Once more, I need to return to my origin.

————An "Hero of Justice."

A world of red. A tragedy that must never be allowed to happen. The face of Kiritsugu Emiya floating there. I was saved, and I admired that act.

The goal Kiritsugu aimed for. And the goal Emiya Shirou is aiming for.

To help and save many people. The shape of that dream. An unreachable, distant destination. The path leading there, and the way of being.

The reason I am an "Emiya." No, as long as I call myself Emiya Shirou, I will continue to seek that path.

That much is an unchanging fact.

What I, who survived that world of nothing but red and left behind those who perished, can do. What I must do is save as many people as possible————that is all.

There is no need to worry. There is no room for hesitation. ————If I am indeed Emiya Shirou.

My mind began to clear.

Yes. No matter how much I think about it, there is only one conclusion.

A Servant vanishes from this world after the Holy Grail War ends and is summoned elsewhere once again.

I don't know if I am even part of that framework. But the things I can do are limited. I will simply end this Holy Grail War while causing as little damage as possible.

I will protect Rin, Lia, and Shirou with all the power I possess, and beyond that, minimize the casualties of the war.

I have nothing to ask of the Holy Grail.

Saving people, restoring peace to them. That alone allows me to be myself. Even if I rot away in the process.

My thoughts reached their final destination.

...They should have. No other choice exists.

But what is this foreign object lingering in my heart?

This knot remaining in the spirit of Emiya Shirou is————.

I shook my head lightly to brush off the lingering unease and checked the clock.

It was too early to wake up, but a bit too late to go back to sleep. Perhaps it was just the right time to start making breakfast.

I stood up and opened the closet. Taking a hanger in hand, I pulled out a blouse.

Switching my train of thought, I looked around my room once more.

It hadn't changed since the time I was Emiya Shirou—no, there were even fewer things now. It was a Western-style room with basically the same layout as Rin’s. In the corner sat a small desk. On top of it were the "Treasured Swords of the World" and a recipe book I had brought from the Tohsaka residence.

Instead of a bed, a futon was laid out, giving the illusion that the room was wider than Rin’s.

I pushed aside a red long-sleeved shirt hanging in the closet, folded a skirt also hanging there, and draped it over my arm.

There weren't many items here. Just a few blouses I usually wore as casual clothes and an equal number of skirts. Along with those were different sizes of Rin’s casual clothes, and the beige cardigan I borrowed yesterday.

Since I am a Servant, it’s only natural that I have few personal belongings. Though, mentally, it would be easier if I had jeans or some kind of trousers... But Rin probably won't prepare those for me. She seems to enjoy watching my reaction.

With a light sigh, I took off my pajamas and put on the clothes I had picked out, making sure to keep my eyes up.

Finally, I tied my hair. Once finished, I checked the mirror and then the clock. —Good. Well done.

I felt a secret sense of accomplishment at how much faster I’d become at tying it.

I had thought about asking Lia to teach me, but I’ve caught onto the trick now, so it’s just a matter of catching up and surpassing her. ...Surpassing her for what purpose, I wonder?

Walking quietly down the hallway, I headed for the living room.

After putting Shirou to bed, I had left him to Lia and returned to my room, but I wondered if he was alright.

"Good morning, Alto."

"Ah, good morning."

A voice called out as I reached the living room, and I was surprised to see someone I didn't expect.

It was Rin, whom I had been with until recently, greeting me with a small smile. It seemed she had changed into her casual clothes and was quietly drinking tea.

Knowing she isn't a morning person, I thought she would have gone back to sleep, but she appeared to have decided to stay awake. The clock showed just before 6:00 AM. Subtracting the time I took to change, Rin must have come out around 5:00 AM.

"Ah, Alto, come here for a second."

"What is it?"

I was heading toward the kitchen to start preparing breakfast when I turned around. Rin stood up and began walking. She went toward the sliding door leading to the hallway and waited for me to follow.

Wondering what it could be, I obediently followed her.

I wondered where we were going, but Rin stopped in front of Shirou's room.

She knocked on the fusuma... but even after waiting a moment, there was no answer from inside.

"I’m coming in."

Rin threw out those words and opened the door. Her behavior suggested she hadn't expected an answer in the first place.

I let out a soft sigh at Rin boldly entering a man’s room and followed behind her.

"Excuse me."

...Now that I think about it, this is the first time I've entered Shirou's room since becoming Alto.

That said, there was nothing unusual. It was exactly as I remembered my own room to be.

In the middle of the room, Shirou lay on his futon. Beside him was Lia. She had been sleeping with her back against the wall, but she seemed to have woken up in response to Rin’s voice and was now straightening her posture.

The fact that she didn't notice us until she was called out, even though Rin and I were walking silently, was abnormal.

With her low Prana supply, the cost of repairing the injuries she sustained in the battle with Kuzuki last night must have been significant. I didn't get to see the extent of her injuries since she had already been defeated by the time I arrived, but apparently, her neck had been broken. I suppose I should consider it lucky it was only a broken neck and that Caster hadn't used that dagger on her.

I was a bit startled by how much I was becoming accustomed to "Servant logic."

Normally, a human would die instantly from a broken neck. Even I died from the wound Assassin gave me.

...It’s frightening that, without realizing it, I am starting to think otherwise.

"Um, what brings you here so early?"

Lia looked at Rin with a hint of unease. Perhaps she thought it was an emergency because of the early intrusion, or she was bothered by being seen asleep.

"I just woke up a bit early. No other reason."

"I see."

While the two were talking, I checked on Shirou.

His breathing was heavy and his cheeks were flushed, much like when he was forced to swallow a Jewel before. His mouth was moving as if he were having a nightmare, though no words came out.

Curious about what he was saying, I leaned my face close to Shirou's mouth.

It was almost inaudible. The only things I could make out were "Man... red... world."

...Could the "red world" be the one where I was saved, and the "man" mentioned be Kiritsugu?

Those terms were all too familiar. Even if I combined them: "Red Man," "Red World"... though I have no idea about a "Man's World."

In any case, it’s rare for a person like Emiya Shirou, who basically doesn't dream, to be seeing something. Well, it was mostly out of curiosity anyway, so I wasn't that hung up on the details.

Suddenly, I realized the conversation between Lia and Rin had stopped.

Puzzled, I looked toward them. Lia had a complicated expression, while Rin was looking at me with a smirk.

"What’s wrong, Lia, Rin?"

"Ah, no. It’s just that, from this angle, it looked as though Alto was hugging Shirou."

"Eh?"

Me, hugging Shirou?

Before I could process what Lia meant, Rin stood up abruptly. She walked quietly and stood on the line extending from me and Shirou.

"This is perfect. There!"

With that, Rin unleashed a kick toward me. Rather than a strike meant to cause pain, she pushed her foot out as if to shove me aside.

Since I was leaning over near Shirou's face and had lost my balance, I naturally had no room to dodge and took the kick.

"Wh-what are you... please stop, Rin."

Rin’s foot pressed against my back. It didn't hurt. But she started putting her weight into it as I tried to hold my ground. Ah, it’s no use. I’m going over.

"Wait, hey... woah!"

Thud. I fell. Naturally, Shirou, who was sleeping beneath me, was crushed.

For some reason, Rin continued to grind her foot into me while I was down. Lia, her face turning red, was looking back and forth between Shirou and me.

...What is this situation?

"Hmm, no good."

Rin muttered while still stepping on me. In any case, I feel like an explanation is in order.

"I guess it really has to be direct after all."

Even as she said that, her foot was still on my back, and Shirou and I were in close contact. What I felt was the rugged body of a man.

Wait, could it be...?

I realized something after looking down at Shirou, who was being crushed beneath me. I pulled my hand out from where it was sandwiched between Shirou's chest and mine, and then extended it.

"...Ngh."

A small groan escaped Shirou. Ignoring it, I continued to reach out.

I aligned my shoulders with Shirou's. Naturally, his were much broader than mine. A size or two larger.

Arms. They weren't exactly thick, but they were lean. Just by touching them, I could tell he never missed a day of training.

Abdomen. Tracing it, I could feel the ridge of his muscles. Hard. They had a resilience like a car tire.

Chest. You couldn't tell just by looking, but he was muscular. Just enough without being too heavy.

With every touch, a gasping sound escaped Shirou. Unaware of it, I was fascinated by Shirou's physique.

I rubbed his thighs, patting them to check the feel.

I gripped his limp left hand. He squeezed back unconsciously.

I stroked his neck. ...A bit lacking, but not bad.

Finally, his back. I used both arms to hug him. It was a reassuring body, sturdier than I had imagined.

Yes————just as I thought. Exactly as I expected.

"Wh-ah, wait! Alto, what is wrong with you! What are you doing all of a sudden!"

Lia, her face even redder than before, shouted at me. She looked like steam was about to burst from her head.

"That's right, what are you doing, Alto! Th-th-the way you’re touching him is lewd!"

Similarly, Rin, who had at some point moved her foot and backed away, was bright red. She was even trembling a little.

"What am I doing...? Shirou is actually quite muscular, isn't he? I hadn't noticed."

————What was I doing? As anyone could see, I was simply checking how well-trained Shirou's body was.

I couldn't tell when I was him, but looking from the outside, he’s actually quite impressive. His body has depth, and overall, there is very little fat, with flexible muscles. Not "show" muscles built just through weightlifting, but muscles built for movement.

Ah, I can see now that my daily routine wasn't wrong. It was because of this daily training that his body was able to respond to the sudden attacks during the Holy Grail War.

Thinking that he had moved even a little bit closer to the goal I aim for made me smile involuntarily.

Seeing my smile, Lia and Rin both suddenly froze.

"N-no, Alto! That path is wrong!! Please come back, Alto!"

"N-noooo! My Servant being lecherous is just too much!! A macho-fetish... seriously, stop it!!"

Why were the two of them so distraught?

Still hugging Shirou, I tilted my head, having no idea why.