Card Seventeen: Eight of Pentacles

Kya really did always kill him so efficiently. And being reset after a lot of hard work was always rewarding, as well. Waking up in a pool of his own blood a few hours into the night was barely an issue, and cleaning it up wasn’t a problem. Having to kill himself in secret might start getting tedious, but he wasn’t quite sure how the Crown Prince of Lilino and future leader of the Central Domain Alliance would react to how he’d harnessed the taboo concept of anything. Cirrus would probably be on the side that it was taboo for a reason, knowing him, and Feather didn’t want to get into that. 

Still though, now he had a student! Her face had been priceless when he’d finally agreed to teach her. Her jaw had dropped open and she’d looked about ready to cry. And after letting Jayce, Achitha, and Kya take care of all of the scouting, they found themselves on a ship being taken out to sea to the place where most ships had disappeared, and he was sitting on top of a large brown barrel while Eve faced him, listening diligently. 

She honestly didn’t understand what on earth had changed that chaotic mind of his. Cirrus had obviously talked to him about something, but the idea that this crazy man could be tamed in any way didn’t make sense to her. But Feather just thought it was important to teach her these things now so that she could do what he did, since he thought Cirrus was right, and that it would never hurt to have another brilliant healer like himself in the world. He’d only declined at first because he didn’t like feeling responsible for other people, and he didn’t want to be blamed if she couldn’t understand the way he taught and didn’t learn anything, but… well, Eve seemed like a smart girl. She’d probably get it.

“I don’t get it,” she admitted after his first explanation, looking entirely frustrated at Feather’s words while she stared at her hands. “What do you mean I’m thinking about my concepts all wrong? That’s how I’ve always been taught. It says it like that in all the textbooks.”

“Textbooks are for kids, people who are stupid and can’t think for themselves, and losers,” Feather retorted shamelessly, Eve giving him an incredulous stare of defeat, like she was close to giving up. “The idea that concepts are things outside of us that we use and borrow from nature is completely wrong. Concepts are not some mysterious powers we develop with no explanation. There’s a reason people cultivate their concepts by experiencing the concept itself first. You need to learn how to mold your concept into an irreplaceable part of you for it to get stronger,” he instructed again, Eve squinting at him as she resigned herself to listening. 

“Something that a lot of people just never get through their heads is that their concept is not something other. It is not something they’re borrowing from the world, it’s not something outside of themselves that they’re using, and all of those theories are stupid and should have been debunked a long time ago. It’s shameful that they’re still in circulation within our schools,” he spoke firmly, feet kicking at the barrel he was sitting on as he felt the salty breeze of the ocean hit his face. “Concepts, in actuality, are an innate part of the user. They are part of you first and foremost, and they are extensions of you and your being. They are nothing more than you, and they are nothing less than you. In order to use a concept to its maximum abilities, you need to become that concept fully and wholly, or else you’ll never be able to use the concept like you want to.”

To Feather, this was the most simplest of knowledge. He’d mastered the concept of anything unlike anyone else before in history all because he’d truly come to embody that he could do anything. If he hadn’t believed he could do anything, he would have died the first time he’d thrown himself off the roof of his prison. He’d never had a choice in the matter but to become his concept so completely. 

Eve, on the other hand, had always viewed her concept to be more of a tool she was using. Feather had told her that was her problem, but she didn’t seem to truly understand the thought of becoming her concept like he did. “How do you even suggest I do that?” she protested stubbornly, and although she really didn’t like the feeling of being stuck in her ways, she just couldn’t understand this new perspective. “If people are supposed to become their concepts, how in the world did you become healing? That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Haha, because you’re not thinking about it the right way,” Feather smiled slyly, reaching into his pocket to pull out a piece of candy, the solidified honey tasting perfectly sweet on his tongue before he crushed the wrapper in his hands and shoved it back into his pocket. “Healing isn’t exactly a person or a living thing, so I understand it’s hard to think of it as yourself. But there’s something both you and healing have in common,” he grinned, twirling the candy on his tongue as he lifted two fingers, scissoring them back and forth in the air. “You’re both concepts. The idea of a living, breathing human is a concept, just like healing. I’ve always thought it was rather arrogant for us sentient species to try and say we’re above concepts, merely using them for our own gain. No, that’s not how it works. I am a concept, and you, Eve, are a concept. A real, breathing concept. So when I tell you to become healing, I’m essentially telling you to merge the concept of yourself and the concept of healing together, to the point you can’t even tell you used to be two different concepts in the first place. Does that make more sense?”

“...kind of,” Eve admitted slowly, still wrapping the idea around her mind as she began mulling it over. “So then… how do I merge the two concepts together?”

“Oh, yes, that’s a good question,” Feather smiled brightly with a face that looked somewhat innocent, shifting his feet on the barrel as he switched his position again, not seeming all that good at sitting still while he moved to gesture towards her. “Well, since there isn’t really a way to practice healing right now… well, I mean, I could always injure myself. Should I do that? Yeah, that might help—”

“No, that’s fine,” Eve quickly interrupted, taking an urgent step towards him as she shook her head. She hadn’t been expecting this crazy man to offer something like that, and even though it only proved to show how crazy he really was, it somehow restored Eve’s respect for him at the same time. Just who would be willing to injure themselves merely to give their student something to practice on? It was an insane topic, and while she finally felt like she had proof of his innate goodness, it was still something she would not condone. “Please don’t hurt yourself just for my sake.”

“Oh, okay then. That’s fine,” the man shrugged instead, not looking all that bothered by the statement as he changed the way he was sitting once again, putting one of his legs underneath him while he wobbled on the barrel. “Then practicing your concept of snow instead would be a much easier method to get this new way of viewing concepts down. You need to be able to use and make snow so much that you start to feel like you are snow. Once you do that, using the same method for healing will come naturally. So go ahead and just stand there while covering yourself head to toe in snow… should be easy, right? I’ll check on you in the next hour or so, so keep your snow going consistently and don’t stop,” he dismissed, easily jumping off the barrel before going to walk away, Eve suddenly feeling all confused and turned around again as she went to object. 

“What? You’re not going to teach me anything?”

“Um, excuse you, I have been teaching,” Feather turned around with a simple protest, slinking back towards her as he leaned down to get in her pale face. “I’ve been teaching you the basics. But believe it or not, you’re already ahead of most people. Since you learned to use your concepts in such a feral environment without much knowledge on them where everything was life or death, you would’ve been instinctively using your concepts as an extension of yourself, like you’re supposed to. What’s really messing you up is that you then went to school and started reading all of those worthless books.”

“Feather, do you not like to read or something?” Eve snapped indignantly, the man huffing at her as he blew air in her face. 

“Oh shut it, kid. I like reading when it has good information in it. But I’m willing to bet that all of those crappy books you read on how concepts worked poisoned the way you thought about them. I mean, honestly, didn’t you ever notice a point in your life where your concept started feeling harder to use or harness than it had before?” he pointed out seriously, Eve’s icy blue eyes suddenly widening at those abrasive words. “What you need to understand is that concepts are not something to be tamed or understood. They are feral and should control you just as much as you control them, because they are a part of you. You should be able to use your concept unconsciously and without thinking, instead of having to concentrate to activate it. Your concept is not a tool for you to use, it’s just the equivalent of another body part, the same as your arms or legs,” he gruffed out, before leaning up and away from Eve’s face with a sigh. “But I meant it when I said that you’re already ahead of most people because of your upbringing. You just need to go back to being feral and you’ll have the rest of your life set. So just use your concept of snow without stopping for a while and try to think back to when you first awoke with it… and how that felt.”

At that, he left without another word, Eve feeling awfully conflicted with his teaching methods. What Feather was telling her to do was the opposite of what all the books said. And yet… she also felt that he was right. Using her concepts used to feel so easy, so natural. But after she went to the Academy of Conceptual Knowledge and had all that new information and ways of doing things stuffed down her throat, it became harder and harder to improve herself, like she’d reached a block. Maybe Feather was right… and, well, he was probably the most powerful healer out of the entire Udimeia right now. She had no clue why he wasn’t more in the spotlight with his abilities or why she’d never heard of him before now… but he did seem rather avoidant, so perhaps he’d just been hiding. 

Whatever the case, Eve used her snow to surround her space on the wooden ship, trying to think back to when she’d first awakened with the ability. What that had felt like… to instinctively use snow to blind the eyes of a fierce polar bear, before she controlled the snow around her feet to propel herself into stabbing through its hide with a large knife made of bone. How it felt to naturally use her concept, without truly understanding how it worked. By Feather’s standards, maybe it really would be best to just forget everything she’d been professionally taught. 

She was so concentrated, so intent on bringing herself back to her origins, that Eve nearly jumped out of her skin and flipped when Jayce popped up beside her, the sturdy man hovering over her shoulder with the scar on his cheek sitting right beside her ear. “I heard everything he said to you,” he spoke bluntly, Eve flinching against the heat of his breath that touched her cheek while her snow faded away, causing her immense frustration as she whipped her face around to snap at the man. 

“What do you want, Jayce?!” 

“Hey, chill it. I’m just coming to check on you,” he growled back, not beating around the bush as he showcased a small snarl. “And I wanted to say that what he’s teaching you isn’t exactly wrong.”

“Huh? But I thought you hated Feather’s guts and wanted him as far away from Cirrus and yourself as possible,” Eve retorted while crossing her arms, and she couldn’t help but snicker when Jayce gave a deep frown. 

“You’re right, I don’t like the guy. But I know how to give credit to someone who has a point,” he snarled again, fangs baring before he seemed to realize something and shut his mouth, averting his eye contact elsewhere. “I personally never really found any of those books helpful. They were optional classes for a reason, in my opinion, more akin to philosophy than anything true. My two concepts, at the very least, werewolf and animal communication, have always come from a more primal side of me. I don’t think concepts are meant to be understood on a rational level. I’ve always viewed mine to be more like instincts, which I think Feather was also trying to say, just differently,” Jayce explained, lifting a hand to his chest to clutch at his thin, dark green shirt. “I just don’t think he’s very good at explaining it. But he was basically just saying it was an instinct, right? And when instincts build up over time, you turn into a monster like him, who could probably heal someone while sleeping.”

“Hm…”

“And you’re basically a beast already, aren’t you? Didn’t you first learn how to use your concepts by developing them as instincts in the first place?” Jayce squinted at her, throwing his hand to the side as he began to talk a bit condescendingly. “Why in the world would you just throw that all away? I agree with Feather, those books are stupid and were developed by people who wanted to try and gatekeep the truths around powerful concepts for themselves. You’re stupid for trying to trust some stupid books over your instincts, honestly.”

“Ahh, shut up, Jayce!!” she snapped, thrusting her fist at him while he did nothing but smirk at her. “I get it, okay?! I should’ve just trusted myself!! Stop rubbing it in!! Sorry I’m not as old and decrepit as you are!!”

“Um, I’m not old, actually.”

“Aren’t you like nine hundred or something.”

“What, no? I’m only five-hundred thirty-eight.”

“Only…”

“Well you’re only in your two hundreds! You don’t even know anything!”

“Hey, I’m almost three-hundred! I’ll be three-hundred in six years!”

“Oh, right, my bad. You must be so mature and awesome, then, huh.”

“I am!!”

“You’re not,” interrupted a smooth voice, Eve and Jayce both jumping to see Feather standing right beside them with an undetectable presence, eyeing Eve with clear blue eyes that reflected the sky with a face that looked sinisterly blank. He felt oddly menacing, like he was taking something very seriously for some reason, and when he narrowed back in on her face, he spoke with clear clarity, “Didn’t I give you work to do? I wanted you to use your concept of snow non-stop for the next hour at least. Why are you wasting time with him? I know it might not seem like it, but I have my methods of helping you, and I have a concrete goal set. But we won’t be able to get there if you don’t also put in the work,” he frowned, Eve flinching in sudden shame as she immediately began to refocus on her snow. 

“Uh, right! Sorry, I’ll do that now. Fuck off, Jayce.”

“Wow, fine, okay. Fuck you too, then,” he spat, slinking off around the corner while sticking out his tongue and tugging at his eyelid while Feather watched him go. 

It was silent for a moment, but Eve got her snow to come falling down on top of her once from a flurry of white clouds once again after taking a few deep breaths. She could do that easily, the only problem was keeping up her focus so that it stayed there and didn’t disappear when she got tired. But after a little while, Feather spoke up again, his gaze staring over at the ocean as she stated calmly, “Keep working while I talk, and don’t let go of your focus. But Jayce is a good example of someone who is one with their concepts, and who uses them as an extension of themselves,” he stated, leaning back on his same barrel as Eve stared at the solid brown planks of the deck beneath her. “I was listening earlier, and he’s right, instinct is a good way to look at these things, if that’s a better way for you to understand. And you won’t be able to harness or develop your instincts without practice. Practice is what will mold into your instincts, which is why you’re doing this. Don’t forget that.”

“Right, I understand now,” Eve nodded, the snow falling around her feeling peaceful in the salty breeze. It was still incredibly hot outside, and she felt like she was melting, but at least it was cooler within her small white pocket of winter. And eventually, Feather left, although she didn’t notice when he did. She was too busy absorbing herself into the cold, desperately trying to remember how she’d developed this concept in the first place… what it felt like to be stuck in a blizzard with members of her tribe while being the only one who could control the snow to save them… what it felt like to suffocate her targets with snow while she was one with the white blanket of her surroundings… what it felt like to stop a storm from blowing through so that they could continue their hunt on the icy waters for fish and seals… what it felt like to use the snow as her shield to hide herself from predators because it could protect her like nothing else ever could… what it felt like to truly feel as if the snow were a part of her, an extension of her, just like Feather had said… what it felt like… what it felt like… to be one with the very concepts that made up the center of herself and her core… what it felt like…