Chapter 23: A Happy Haunted House (Not Really)

Yunohama’s roar did absolutely nothing to rein in the two overgrown toddlers.

Goshiki shrieked as he clung tightly to Ryosuke, squeezing him so hard that Ryosuke’s eyes rolled back. In the end, Yunohama grabbed Goshiki by the hair and forcibly peeled him off Ryosuke.

Much later, every time this incident was brought up, Goshiki would solemnly thank Yunohama for saving a great genius in the haunted house.

After all that chaos, the three of them still ended up huddling close together as they moved forward, creeping forward at a pace that could rival a snail.

Bringing up the rear, Yunohama played both dad and mom—comforting the trembling Ryosuke while also restraining Goshiki whenever he randomly lost his mind. They hadn’t even gone very far, and Yunohama already looked utterly worn out.

The first half of the haunted house went surprisingly smoothly. It was just very dark, making it hard to see what lay ahead. Gradually, Ryosuke’s courage started to grow.

Just as Ryosuke was letting his guard down, a loud bzzzz sounded behind them. Goshiki turned around in terror.

Behind them stood a man over two meters tall, chainsaw in hand. His face was split wide open—literally split open. No exaggeration.

That single glance was enough. Goshiki let out a soul-rending scream.
“AAAAAAAAAA—HELP—WAAAAAH!!”

Goshiki’s fear spread instantly to Ryosuke. Tears welled up in his eyes as he opened his mouth to scream too. Yunohama, whose head was already throbbing, reacted fast and clamped a hand over Ryosuke’s mouth.

Two dark shadows shot past their peripheral vision as Goshiki’s screaming echoed endlessly.

Ryosuke: ??

Veins bulged on Yunohama’s forehead as he flicked Ryosuke on the head.

He grabbed Ryosuke and took off running. The running speed of two athletic guys was nothing to scoff at.

Aside from certain individuals whose legs went weak and couldn’t keep up, Ryosuke sprinted ahead while the chainsaw-wielding man chased relentlessly from behind.

They ran for a full twenty minutes.

Ryosuke bent over, hands on his knees, swallowing hard. He’d never run like this even at school—this was running for his life.

His heart was still pounding violently. He turned to look at Yunohama and finally relaxed—then suddenly felt that something was off.

Ryosuke scratched his head, confused. Forget it. He’d think about it later—getting out first was more important.

Yunohama straightened his clothes.
“Let’s go. If we don’t move, it’ll catch up again.”

Ryosuke shuddered and walked on without looking back.

After only a few steps, he suddenly froze and turned around, horror written all over his face.

Yunohama paused.
“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you think something’s… off?”

“Huh?”

Ryosuke took a deep breath.
“Goshiki! Goshiki’s gone!! He didn’t get eaten by the monster, did he?!”

Yunohama froze too, then suddenly realized it. No wonder something felt wrong—they were missing a person.

“What are you ‘realizing’ for?! Someone’s missing!”

Yunohama calmly adjusted his glasses.
“So… you want to go back and look for him?”

Ryosuke fell silent.

There were staff in the haunted house—no matter how you thought about it, Goshiki would be fine. But if they went back now, they would definitely be the ones in trouble.

Sorry! Best friend!
Ryosuke turned his head away guiltily, feeling a bit bad—and somehow a little bit pleased.
“Th-then… let’s just go.”

Yunohama didn’t say anything either. Just like that, the two extremely unreliable people abandoned Goshiki behind them. The boat of friendship capsized without warning.

Ryosuke (cat-head, shouting): I didn’t want to leave Goshiki either, but he was about to snap my arm in half!

...

Let’s rewind to half an hour earlier.

Goshiki caught a fleeting glimpse of the male ghost and was scared out of his mind, screaming at the top of his lungs.

The male ghost froze, his head buzzing. There was only one reason—Goshiki’s scream went straight through the skull.

That single glance was enough to shatter Goshiki’s courage.

Thinking of his extremely timid teammates, he turned and grabbed at Ryosuke and Yunohama, ready to bolt. One hand caught a cold, clammy arm.

Goshiki instinctively thought it was Ryosuke. His other hand groped through the air but didn’t grab anyone. He gritted his teeth. Forget it! Yunohama looked like the type who wouldn’t be scared anyway.

He grabbed the person beside him and ran, screaming all the while.

The poor male ghost—who had been standing on stilts—was yanked so suddenly that he stumbled and fell flat on the ground. Before he could get up, Goshiki dragged him along the floor, even dropping the chainsaw in the process.

The male ghost struggled wildly.
“Let go of me! You freak!”

Goshiki:
“Ryosuke, don’t be scared—(trembling) run!”

Male Ghost: life is meaningless.jpg

Goshiki kept screaming. He’d been at it for over ten minutes—astonishing lung capacity.

When everything finally quieted down, Goshiki gasped for breath and turned around.
“Ryosuke, I didn’t manage to grab Yunohama…”

He turned and came face-to-face with a pale, corpse-like face. The male ghost shakily forced a smile.

“AAAAAAAAAA—!!!”

Being that close to the ghost hit Goshiki like some kind of forbidden spell. His mind went completely blank as his scream burst out uncontrollably.

The male ghost took a deep breath.
This guy’s voice is loud…

Tears streaming from his eyes, Goshiki bolted off, instantly breaking his own sprint record.

Our small, helpless, pitiful Goshiki ran back and forth through the haunted house, his piercing screams nearly lifting the roof.

Ryosuke’s ears twitched.
“I think I just heard Goshiki…”

Yunohama calmly pushed up his glasses and reached out to turn Ryosuke’s confused head back around.
“You’re imagining things.”

Ryosuke turned back, half-convinced. Yunohama quietly breathed a sigh of relief.

Under these circumstances, the Goshiki they’d run into would definitely be a Goshiki whose fear had driven his rationality straight out the door.

Having to comfort him would be exhausting just to think about. This wasn’t him deliberately abandoning Goshiki—it was that idiot who dragged a male ghost away! He dragged a ghost away! (shouted)

Yunohama pinched the bridge of his nose in pain. Other people played haunted houses bravely; with him, it felt like dragging the whole family along.

Along the way, Ryosuke didn’t see anything moving except Goshiki and Yunohama.

Whenever a ghost appeared, Yunohama would either calmly divert Ryosuke’s attention or just grab him and run.

Ryosuke’s brain short-circuited every time he encountered a ghost—his reflexes lagged by several seconds. Yunohama truly worked hard just to get them out of this miserable place.

They wandered around the haunted house for nearly an hour before finally making it outside.

When Yunohama saw the blazing sun overhead, he shed tears of weakness.
Finally out. I’m exhausted.

From now on, when going out with them, he would absolutely never come to a haunted house again.

(Haunted houses had officially been blacklisted in Yunohama’s heart.)