Chapter 7: Primediteit Unconscious
Night. The outskirts of the city.
The sparse lights of distant buildings barely reach here, leaving the area in deep shadow. A desolate place, where even the moonlight fails to touchāswallowed by darkness.
And within itāblue, glowing, monstrous aberrations.
...Even if the protagonist were to find me, the actions of my "army" wouldn't change.
A torn bandage flutters loose.
I release a crimson slash from my hand, striking down a supernatural eyeball entity emitting that sickly blue glow.
ćgā wā oāā!!ć
A distorted shriekāsomewhere between a wail and a scream. The aberration flees.
Scattered eyes remain, still twitching, but with their main body gone, their coordination crumbles.
Beams of cursed light shoot toward me. None land. I weave through the barrage with ease, then ready my Materializer.
"Reproduction rateā30%. Utility knife, manifest!"
A box cutter materializes in my grip. One by one, I snap off the blades and launch them like bullets.
Each disposable blade pierces through the swarm of floating eyes. They drop, dissolving into wisps of blue smoke.
The area falls silent. The battlefield is clear.
...Iāve been in good form these past few days.
Somehow, my mind feels lighter. My vision is sharper, like something that once clouded it has been wiped away.
I prepare to pursue the fleeing aberrationā
"āāāā"
āonly to come face-to-face with a man in a suit.
His pupils glow the same eerie blue as the supernatural entities. He writhes, sparks crackling around him, his expression twisted in agony.
Tears spill from those light-filled eyes.
And thenā
A laser, bright as lightning, streaks toward meā
"Damage BulletāSlash Zan! Shoot ShÅ«to!"
Before it can fire, I cut down the aberration lurking in the shadows.
The eerie glow vanishes from the manās eyes.
He collapses, gasping for breath. A shaky thanks escapes his lips.
I offer him a reassuring smile, direct him toward the cleanup team, then move on.
...Really, Iāve been in such good form lately.
It must be because I can feel itāthat things are finally moving in the right direction.
Even after all this time, Moribeās responses have been⦠decent, I think.
Iām a little troubled by how often other students approach me now, butāobjectively speakingāthat just means Iām doing something right.
But how should I put it? I donāt just want to raise his favorabilityāI want to boost his friendship level a bit more.
Of course, purely for strategic reasons.
Just thinking he seems nice or he's kinda cute isn't enough to feel secure.
If I reveal now that Iām an agent of the Army, he might actually distance himself from me.
In that game, if you recruit someone as a combat unit before fully developing their drama events, raising their friendship actually becomes harder.
The points you gain from battle are nothing compared to the ones from story eventsāand once theyāre a combat unit, their opportunities for drama events plummet.
Thatās just how the system works.
It often leads to absurd situations where someone youāve fought alongside dozens of times ends up less close than a classmate you hung out with twice.
Thatās why I need to clear the drama events quicklyāotherwise, I wonāt even be able to reveal my true identity.
At worst, Nishizaki might overtake me in friendship points later.
ā¦Well, that said, we still havenāt talked much at school.
But Iāve finally started getting used to it.
Lately, heās even been the one initiating conversations, so his friendship level must be rising. I canāt check the numbers in this world, but it wouldnāt be strange for an event or two to trigger soon.
(ā¦An eventā¦)
I recall the in-game cutscenes.
Scenes where Misora GotendÅ or Nishizaki walked home from school with the protagonist. Enjoyed festivals together. Went out alone on weekendsā
ā¦Dates, essentially.
I imagine myself in their place, standing where they stood, andā
"Ghhhaaaaā!!"
ćGWAā HH!?ć
A bandage snaps.
I unleash a burst of stored wounds, finishing off the aberration I thought I had let escape earlier.
Noā¦! Thatās not it at all!
I mean, even if it did happenā
Even if I had toā
Itād be purely out of necessity!
Just to save Misora GotendÅ!
Purely out of obligation.
Reluctantly.
As a last resort.
ā¦Playing the role of aāa heroine or somethingā¦!
ćā ā ā āā!!ć
"Whoaā"
I spin just in time to catch the aberration lunging at me. One final energy slash cuts it down.
ā¦Weird.
At this level, that shouldāve been enough to finish it off for sure.
Was it a high-VIT build?
Or did it have some kind of last-stand or damage-nullification skill?
Or maybeā¦
"ā¦Was my damage output lower?"
I lower my still-outstretched hand, murmuring to myself.
Either way, thatās it for tonight.
The ending was a bit messy, but I wrapped up faster than usual. If this keeps up, I should be in good shape tomorrow, too.
I should just head back and sleep. Secure rest while I can, and all that.
ā¦Wait.
At this hour, that store Nishizaki mentioned might still be open.
Back when I told her I didnāt own any casual clothes, she recommended it.
I tried to brush it off, saying I didnāt need any, but she insisted. Andāmaybe she had a point.
If Iām going to be spending more time outside school with them from now onā¦
Maybe I should check it out.
After all⦠I might end up going out with Moribe-kun, too, andā
"ā¦Ngh."
The earlier fantasy threatens to resurface.
I shake my head violently, shutting it down.
ā¦Yeah, no.
Iām going straight home today.
With my mission complete, I quicken my pace and disappear into the night.
"Hey, Zaijou... You free this weekend? Saturday or Sundayās fine."
"Hweh?!"
Peeking timidly into the neighboring classroom, waiting for him to notice and come overāthis had become our usual lunchtime routine.
Moribe-kun held out two tickets as he spoke.
Unlimited access passes to the mega mall in the neighboring cityāa fortress-sized commercial complex built by that worldwide conglomerate. (Well, the public face of the Corporation. The secret underground base part wasnāt relevant right now.)
"W-wait, those are�"
"I just thought... maybe we could go together. But if you're busy or whatever, it's fineā"
"I'll go! I'm not busy! At all!"
I answered reflexively, without thinking.
My weekends were absolutely booked. Iād have to skip visiting Misora GotendÅ at the hospital. But even soāI could not let this chance slip away.
"But, um⦠Didn't you get those from Nishizaki-san...? Ah, no, I just kinda assumedā"
"Oh, uhāyeah, but she said I could invite whoever I wanted."
These tickets were basically corporate reward coupons, given to the Corporationās agents for outstanding performance.
They were supposed to be used for a date event with her.
But⦠was this really okay? Using them on me instead?
Choosing me over Nishizaki-san?
A date.
A date event.
With him.
āā¦!ā
Noāthatās not it.
Itās not like that.
Iām not happy about this at all.
Getting asked out by a guy? No way that would make me happy.
Even if I were happy, itād just be because I get to hang out with someone cool like the protagonist, thatās all.
Besides, that date event was supposed to require really high affectionāno, friendshipāpoints with the heroine. Normally, it wouldnāt even trigger until midway through the story. Thereās no way Iāve raised his affection that high in just a week of talking.
This isnāt because Iām easy or anythingāit's probably just a casual hangout! Thatās all!
"So, about the dateā"
"W-wait! I need to check with my, uh... family first!"
I bolted from the classroom and yanked out my smartphone-shaped comms device, frantically contacting my commander.
Explaining this in terms of "the protagonist" wouldnāt get me anywhere. No one would understand.
So instead, I pleaded.
As much as I could disclose without revealing too much. Begging for any possible adjustments to my scheduleā
"āYeah, yeah, got it. Your Saturday mission is now undercover reconnaissance and investigation at one of the Corporationās publicly managed facilities. That work for you?"
"Y-yes! Thank you so much!!"
Even though he couldnāt see me, I bowed my head over and over.
"You were supposed to visit Hoshizumi that day too. What about that?"
"Ah, right! I-I think weāll be done before the medical ward closes, but⦠just in caseā¦"
"Fine. Iāll let the medical team know."
The call ended.
Thank goodness. Now I could go out with him without any guilt.
ā¦Waitāwhat about my clothes?!
I didnāt have time to go shopping before the weekend.
I couldāve gone yesterday, but I blew it⦠Maybe if I finished todayās mission fast enough, I could still make it.
Returning to the classroom, I confirmed the meeāno, the outing details with himātime and place.
"So⦠10 AM, north exit of the station?"
"Y-yeahā¦!"
I didnāt absorb a single word of the remaining classes.
Moribe-kun said heād handle the itinerary, but my mind kept spinning with possibilities anyway.
Of course, I was nervous⦠but itād be fine.
Itād work out.
In my past life, I was good at reading people. If I really focused, I could still pull it off now. No matter what choices he made, Iād make sure our interactions were flawless.
And if it went well⦠if his friendship level rose high enoughā¦
Then, finallyā
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
Finally, Iād tell him everything.
And heād help me.
Then, it would all be over.
Everything would be resolved.
Iād be saved.
I could atone to Misora GotendÅ.
I wouldnāt have to suffer anymore.
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
ā¦Thatās how it should go.
But for some reasonā¦
My chest feels tight. Uneasy.
Like Iām overlooking something crucial.
ā¦Itās probably nothing.
The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day.
I grabbed my bag and sprinted, breathless, toward the Armyās base.
Instead of my usual route, I slipped through backways meant to avoid civilian attention, entering the facility without a hitch.
I headed straight for the commanderās office to report in.
I knocked. No answer.
ā¦Huh? Odd. Even though I was earlier than usual, she should definitely be here at this hour.
If not her office, then maybe the command center?
Unlike other branches, our base rarely used its command centerāit mostly functioned as storage for moderately important but seldom-accessed documents.
I hadnāt been there often, but I still remembered the way.
"Commanderā?"
I peered inside.
There she was, clad in her usual black pantsuit, her expression unreadable as ever.
And beside her stood a blonde Caucasian woman.
"�"
Who was that?
Definitely not part of our unit.
Dressed in a black blouse and a trench skirtācivilian clothesāyet she carried herself with the same quiet authority as the commander. Someone high-ranking, then.
A named character, maybe?
Even if she was in the game, civilian outfits made it hard to place her.
And⦠something about their conversation felt off.
Both of them paused at unnatural intervals, like they were listening to a third party I couldnāt see.
An earpiece? A hidden transmission?
"āAh, Zaijou."
The commander noticed me in the doorway.
For just a fraction of a second, she stiffenedālike someone caught in the act.
ā¦What was this?
If this was a clandestine meeting, should I intervene?
Narratively speaking, interfering would be the correct choice, butā
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
ā¦No. Better not.
Her plans wouldnāt fully unfold until the mid-game.
The Syndicateās extremists wouldnāt steal the high-risk supernatural entityāthe catalyst for the final conflictāfor another year.
Skipping this scene wouldnāt change anything.
And besides, it was better to leave it to the protagonist anyway.
Suppressing the discomfort curling in my gut, I made my decision.
"Uh, Commander, Iām heading out for the missionā"
"R-right. Go ahead. Contact me if anything comes up."
I nodded, deliberately avoiding the blonde womanās gaze, and turned on my heel.
I left without looking back.
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
Itās fine.
Everythingās fine.
ā¦It has to be.
Unfortunately, todayās numbers were overwhelming.
Inside the dimly lit abandoned building, grotesque supernatural entities swarmed, writhing and emitting unsettling, chittering noises. Their forms resembled grotesque imps stitched together from multiple insect species.
Their primary attack method was brute-force charging, but some exhibited special abilitiesāacid sprays, silk threadsāexploiting their insectoid traits.
That said, they werenāt particularly cunning. They didnāt take civilians hostage.
They were simply strong, numerous, and mindlessly violentāa straightforward threat.
On any other day, I wouldnāt have minded clearing them out.
But today, of all days, their timing couldnāt have been worse.
"Tchā!"
I unleashed a barrage of manifested box cutter blades.
But precision attacks had their limits. No matter how strong, they were only as effective as their accuracyāand too many of the creatures dodged.
Even if I pushed my abilities further, it wouldnāt change much. My skill set wasnāt suited for wide-range combat. I could hold my own, but this would take time.
If this were the game, Nishizaki-san wouldāveā
The thought barely formed beforeā
"Reproduction rateā1000%! H2O Manifestation!"
A blue figure lunged from the side, sweeping through the swarm with a torrential spear of water.
"Nishizaki-san?!"
She landed inside the ruined building, clad in the Corporationās futuristic combat suit. Instinctively, I tensedābut she raised a hand and lifted her visor slightly.
"Relax! Itās fine todayāIām on cleanup duty too."
"Huhā¦? Butā"
"Normally, yeah. But these things? Just lab escapees. Any biotech firm could mass-produce these if they threw enough time and money at it. No need to capture and study āemājust wipe āem out before civilians get hurt. Radiation-based gene mods, probably. Same deal as those crows from the other day."
She wasnāt wrong. The Corporation didnāt preserve everything for research.
Even in the game, Nishizaki-san routinely eliminated generic enemies. For infinitely respawning types, securing one specimen was enoughāthe rest were disposed of for public safety.
"But honestly, with numbers like these, I probably didnāt even need to step ināZaijou-chan couldāve handled it alone. Actually, scratch that, youāre way stronger than me anyway."
"N-no, you really helped. I was kind of in a hurry today."
"Oh? Got plans?"
"Y-yeah, I, uh⦠need to buy some clothesā¦"
The moment I said it, Nishizaki-sanās eyes lit up. Even through her visor, I could see the excitement.
"Heeeh? Didnāt you say before you didnāt need casual clothes?"
"Ah⦠w-wellā¦"
I couldnāt say it. Because I got asked out.
Not that itās a date or anything, but stillāI needed something to wear. That sounded so⦠girly. Embarrassing.
My face burned. As I clammed up, Nishizaki-san deactivated her gear and reached out.
"Hey, why donāt we go together? The stores should still be open."
She winkedāplayful, effortless, ridiculously cute. The kind of charm that made her the undisputed main heroine, leagues ahead of someone like me.
A strange, wordless frustration welled up inside me. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out:
"UmāMoribe-kun invited me out this weekend. Like, to hang out."
"! Oh, finallyāI mean, wow, thatās great!"
"B-but⦠Nishizaki-san, are you⦠okay with that?"
"? With what?"
"Yāknow⦠Moribe-kun⦠and youā¦"
I stared at the ground. After a brief pause, she answered.
"Ahhh, wow, Zaijou-chanās so lucky! So unfair! Iāve had my eye on Moribe-kun too, yāknow~"
"ā¦!"
Something sharp twisted in my chest. I slammed the lid on that thought before it could fully form.
But then she grabbed my wrist.
"B-but thatās totally separate! Weāre friends, so Iāll cheer you on! Just like Moribe-kun wouldāah, no, never mind! Point is, Iām gonna find you the perfect outfit, got it?!"
"Whaā"
And just like that, I was dragged along.
We took one of the Corporationās partnered taxis (the Army had no such convenient transportationāenvious) straight to the store sheād mentioned before.
Not exactly high-end, but clearly a nice place.
They had casual wear, but⦠reasonable prices were questionable. I winced at the tags.
"Ah, wait, Zaijou-chanā"
"N-no, it's fine... I've been getting a lot of work lately, so I have some savingsā¦"
While it was true that the Army docked my pay far too often, the Corporation simply had deeper pockets. Even in the game, their quests always gave slightly better rewardsāa subtle but clear distinction.
Still, whether fortunately or unfortunately, the recent surge in supernatural threats had led to increased special allowances from the Army, fattening my wallet more than before.
At the very least, I wouldnāt be left destitute over something like clothes.
Nishizaki-san let out a deep sigh, nodding in agreement.
"Things have been rough lately, huh? Even our sideās been dealing with more incidents."
"I figured as much... Eh? W-wait, Iām supposed to wear this...?"
I balked at the outfit she handed me.
How should I put it...? It felt too stylish.
Not that I had any resistance to wearing girls' clothesāI was a pretty girl, after all, so anything would look good on meābut for someone with my gloomy character archetype, this felt like⦠trying too hard.
"The supernatural entities weāve been researching have been way more active lately. Getting dragged out of bed at midnight to recapture escapees is not fun, let me tell you."
"Uh, Nishizaki-saā"
Before I could protest, I was hauled into the fitting room, dressed up, and shoved in front of a mirror.
My fashion vocabulary was limited, but there was no denying the outfit had flair.
It was cute. And it did suit me.
But... it was too stylish.
Iād prefer something a little more... normal.
Otherwise, itād look like Iād gone all out for a date or somethingā¦
"And because of that, we got ambushed by the Syndicateās extremists the other day. They kidnapped some of our people and made off with dangerous stuffā"
"!? Dangerous... You donāt mean Threat Level A...!?"
"N-no, not that bad. The highest they took was Level C in terms of containment and management difficultyāstill bad, though."
I exhaled in relief.
At least it didnāt seem like the main story events were being accelerated.
"Thatās a relief... So itās still safe for now."
"Yep! So, is this outfit good for your date?"
"Ah, yeah... W-wait, no, I meanāah...!"
The day arrived with clear skies.
The forecast had predicted an 80% chance of rain, but apparently, weād hit the remaining 20%.
I looked down at my outfitāfor what must have been the dozenth timeāand felt my face heat up.
Nishizaki-san picked this out for me.
After some resistance, sheād at least toned it down to something simpler. But it was still⦠embarrassing. Like something a high school girl trying too hard would wear.
Embarrassing. Why had I arrived a whole hour early?
At the stationās north exit, I scanned the crowd for him again.
Would he come early too? Iād already been approached by strangers a few times. And thereā
"...Ah."
No, waitāthat was him. Moribe-kun.
In casual clothes, he looked so different from how he did at school that I almost didnāt recognize him.
ā¦He looks good.
ā¦He looks good?
No, yeah. That wasnāt a weird thought. Of course, the protagonistās casual outfit would be stylish. Whether it was the character designerās taste or not, it had a similar vibe to what Nishizaki-san had picked for me.
Butā
But why was my heart racing?
ā¦I didnāt know. Really, I didnāt.
Noticing me standing there, he hurried over, steps quick and slightly flustered.
Probably thought heād kept me waiting. But it was still fifteen minutes before our meet-up time. I was the one whoād come too earlyāhe didnāt need to worry about it.
"Sorry, I tried to get here ahead of time, but..."
"N-no! I just got here too, so...!"
My voice caught. The exchange was so clichĆ© it was embarrassing. This wasnāt some cheap rom-com. I was the one being ridiculous here.
I ducked my head slightlyābut stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye.
He didnāt seem used to this kind of thing either. A little more awkward than usual. But then, he pulled himself together with a casualā
"Shall we go, then?"
ā¦Cheater.
I was still a complete mess, and here he was, acting like we were just friends hanging out.
We walked side by side toward the massive shopping mall just outside the station.
Food, fashion, furniture, entertainmentāit had everything. A towering commercial district stacked dozens of stories high, packed with every kind of store imaginable.
We didnāt usually walk side by side like this at school. I turned to look up at him.
ā¦Look upābecause he was taller.
For a guy, his height was average, but for a petite girl like me, he stood a full head above me.
Naturally, my strides were shorter too⦠and he adjusted his pace to match mine without a word.
Some stubborn, masculine part of me bristled at the idea of losing in height or being treated considerately, butā
Another part of me, one I didnāt understand, felt a strange warmth. Relief.
If I just let him take the lead, everything will be fine.
That thought crept in unbidden.
Our destination was the movie theater.
Iād left the dayās plans entirely up to him. Heād even already booked our ticketsā¦
"...Eh, w-weāre watching this?"
The movie heād chosen was... how to put it? Unapologetically B-grade.
Not that I disliked the genre, but it wasnāt exactly what youād pick for aānot that this was a dateābut, well, this kind of outing with a girl.
Of course, as someone whoād watched countless films in this genre in my past life, I knew full well there were plenty of masterpieces among them. It wasnāt a genre you could just dismiss as "B-grade," and I loathed people who wrote them off without even watching them.
But... even so, you couldnāt deny the hit-or-miss nature of it all.
It was a genre where the highs were high and the lows were abysmal. Back in my past life, Iād frequented theaters with that neighborhood kid (what was his name again?), but unless you were really familiar with it, telling the good from the bad was tough.
...Was this one of those "player chose the meme option" moments?
I had sworn to myself Iād make any choice he made seem like the perfect one, but if the movie was objectively boring, even Iād have a hard time spinning it into a fun conversation...
Wait, noāthis was that directorās work? Okay, that raised expectations... but this director was also notoriously inconsistent... Hmm, but with this kind of premise...?
The theater darkened, and the film began.
...
......
.........!!
Two hours laterā
"āTh-that was amazing!!"
The moment the credits rolled, I couldnāt contain my excitement and immediately turned to gush at him.
"H-Hey, Moribe-kun, which part did you like best?! For me, it was obviously that climax sequence, but also that scene in the middle where the three of them meetāyou know, whenā"
I launched into my usual post-movie ramble, just like I used to when I'd watched a good one in my past life... and then, suddenly, I came back to my senses.
I noticed him watching me with a slightly wry but warm smileā
And my face burned like it was about to catch fire.
"U-uh, aahh..."
Did I just... go full nerd mode?
Oh no. Oh no. What do I do? I must've sounded like such an otaku just now. I was talking so fast! I'm usually so quiet, but then I justā!
I clamped my mouth shut and looked down, butā
He effortlessly matched my energy, keeping the conversation going with gentle ease.
It was embarrassing. Mortifying.
And yet... it made me inexplicably happy.
By the time we left the theater, it was already noonāperfect for lunch.
The area we wandered into was lined with stylish cafes, full of couples. I hesitated for a moment... but then we went in anyway.
Not that there was anything wrong with it, but this was definitely the kind of place you'd go as a pair...
Ah, I can't afford to eat like this often now, but back in the day, I used toā
ā
āā
āāā!!
"So... how was it?"
"I-It was... really good..."
I'd meant to order lightly, but the familiar flavors got the better of me, and I ended up stuffing myself well past the point of comfort.
Now, as we left the restaurant, I clutched my overfull stomach in mild regret.
N-not that I'm some fragile normal person who gets sluggish after eating too much, but still! Mentally, I'm supposed to be at least twenty years older than him! How did I end up like... this?!
Actually... now that I think about it, this is weird.
He knows way too much about my tastes!
Even now, as we wandered around, none of the places he took me were as perfect a match as the movieābut they were all clearly things I'd enjoy.
Don't tell me...
Don't tell me...
Don't tell me Moribe-kunā
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
"...What's wrong?"
āIs he using a walkthrough?!
Because, realistically, no one would pick these choices naturally.
I highly doubt there's a Zaijou Arishiro Route Guide out there, but still... the possibility...
ā¦ā¦ā¦Nah.
"Um... what are we doing next?"
We'd already gone through most of the places he'd planned, and the day was winding down.
At my question, Moribe-kun scratched his cheek awkwardly.
"Nah, we ended up with more time than I thought. Figured weād be running later. At this point, anything we doāll feel kinda half-assed⦠I mean, Iām fine, but donāt you have plans after this, Zaijou?"
"Ah, n-no, itās fine. I already told my, uh⦠family I might be lateā¦"
It was trueāoutside of missions, Iād never missed visiting Misora GotendÅ in the hospital.
Logically, I should wrap things up here and head to her roomā¦
But todayā¦
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
ā¦This is necessary.
The guilty sting in my chest came from my own selfish desire to keep spending time with him.
I forced myself to ignore it.
Moribe-kun frowned at the mall directory, clearly overwhelmed by the sheer number of options.
His eyes lingered on a floor clearly marketed toward couples.
That⦠wouldnāt be bad, but if possible, Iād ratherā
"āActually, wanna hit up the arcade?"
"! Y-yeahā¦!"
Arcades were a divisive choice for an outing like this, but I was thrilled.
Not because I particularly liked arcadesāI just loved going with friends. Ever since my past life.
Well⦠okay, back then, I was usually left out of group hangouts, and when I was invited, I mostly just got dragged along as the freeloader⦠But thatās exactly why Iād always harbored a quiet longing for it.
In this life, had I ever⦠gone to an arcade with friends�
āWait.
Had I?
I⦠couldnāt really rememberā¦?
"Some things never change, huhā¦"
Moribe-kun muttered something under his breath.
I blinked.
"Huh?"
But he just shook his head, a small, unreadable smile on his face.
And after that... yeah, it was just... fun.
Failing miserably at the UFO catcherāthen getting way too invested anyway.
Getting weirdly competitive in the shooting games, despite my age.
Almost going all-out on the punching machine before catching myself.
Even getting swept up in the moment and leaning in for a purikura photo together...
It had been so, so long since I'd done anything like this.
For a while, I caught myself wishing this could last forever.
Just for this moment, I could pretend everything else didnāt exist.
Once it was over, Iād have to go back to fighting. Atoning. Facing it all again.
I wasnāt running from that. But still.
Itās okay now.
Everything will be okay now.
From now on, heāll help me. Heāll save me.
Starting tomorrow, all I have to do is rely on him. Follow his lead.
And just like that⦠days where nothing goes wrong will finally come.
After finishing one last game, Moribe-kunāno, Sabakiālooked a little worn out and said:
"Hey... wanna take a break?"
"Huh? Iām fine, but if Sabaki wants toā"
I clapped a hand over my mouth mid-sentence.
Wait.
What?
Why? Since when had I started casually calling him by his first nameāwithout honorificsā?!
"A-ahhh, s-sorry, Moribe-kun! I didnāt mean to just drop the honorifics andā!"
"Nah, guess it was subconscious... I think I did it too at some point, so itās whatever. Or ratherā"
Scratching his cheek awkwardly, he added:
"āI like it better that way. Iām happier if you just call me Sabaki."
"Ehā? Ahā"
My head spun.
Out of nowhere, heād said something like thatāand it made me so happy, my heart wouldnāt stop pounding.
We left the arcade and found a quieter spot to sit.
Maybe embarrassed by his own words, he stayed silent.
Fiddling with my hair near my ear, I scrambled for a topic change and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"U-um... S-Sabaki... why did you invite me out today...?"
"Well... I had my own reasons. Like maybe youād remember something, but..."
"?"
Tilting my head, I waited as he continued.
"Youāre always... pushing yourself so hard. You seemed tense. I thought you could use a break."
"Ehā"
I remembered.
That morning, when I first realized he was the protagonist. Back when I still thought he was just an ordinary boy.
Without knowing the futility of my actions.
The consequences I deserved.
The things I needed to atone for.
āHe simply praised me.
With plain, ordinary, yet genuine words:
"You're amazing for trying so hard."
Ahā
Ahā
Noā
This is badāI canātā
I lā
"ā¦!"
Itās not supposed to be like this.
It shouldnāt be like this.
Because Iām not real. Iām not a real girl.
So thisāthis feelingāit'sā
Just as my thoughts threatened to boil over, thunder roared outside.
āRain.
I hadnāt noticed it inside the arcade, but now, outside, the downpour was relentless. The sound grew heavier by the second, drumming against the pavement.
"ā¦I'll go buy an umbrella."
"Eh, n-no, it's fine...! The station's right there, we can just runā"
"Nah. At this rate, weād be soaked even sprinting. Iāve been meaning to get a spare for school anyway. Wait here."
He left, heading toward a nearby store, leaving me alone on the bench.
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
I lā like him.
Itās impossible. It shouldnāt be. It canāt be.
But even soāIām happy.
Someone who thinks about me.
Someone who cares about me.
The memory of my past lifeāthe ones who pretended to careāmade it hard to breathe. The ones who, as I lay dying, worried only about their own reputations.
Remembering them made my chest ache.
But heās different.
Because heās the protagonist.
Someone who truly thinks about me.
Someone who truly cares about me.
Someone who wonāt give up on me.
ā¦Heās real.
A real friendāthe kind I never had in my past life.
The kind that shouldnāt exist outside of stories.
Unbreakable. Unshakable. Real.
He wonāt betray me.
Heāll help me.
Play with me.
Praise me.
Be kind to me.
Value me.
Not superficially.
Not to use me.
Not to protect his own image.
āBut with real, true feelings.
The idealā
The ideal that could never be fake.
The ideal Iāve alwaysā
"I'm back. Got a big one, so we can share."
His voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
I looked upāand there he was.
Standing in the rain, holding an umbrella, smiling at me like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And in that moment, I knew.
No matter how much I denied it, no matter how impossible it wasā
I love him.
Not as a character.
Not as a means to an end.
But as him.
And thatās whyā
"Hey, you okay? Youāre spacing out."
āI forced a smile.
Because this happiness?
It canāt last.
And when it endsā
Iāll be the one to break it.
"āā'But how could someone like me ever be worthy of that?'"
A voice.
Someone elseās voiceāyet it played back the very thoughts I'd locked away in my heart.
"āCan you really call it genuine when youāre just leaning on them, relying on them for everything?ā"
"āIsnāt love and friendship supposed to be mutual support?ā"
"āHave you ever done anything for them, even once?ā"
"āAnd yetā?ā"
"Kuhāahā"
I whipped my head around.
Nothing.
No presence.
No aura.
No warning.
Yet someone was sitting right beside me.
Impossible.
No agent, no supernatural entity, could get this closeātake my backāwithout me noticing.
No one.
Iād faced so many horrors that fear had long since dulledāyet now, my heart froze. My hands trembled.
A beautiful blonde woman.
At first, I mistook it for a nunās habitāthe black veil draped over her head had fooled me. But no.
A tailored black jacket.
A long, slit trench skirt.
I recognized herāthe woman speaking with the commander the other day.
But that didnāt matter now.
"āYou donāt match at all.ā"
"āThey canāt do everything alone either.ā"
"āYou should be helping them, just like the others do.ā"
"āBut you have no confidence you ever could.ā"
"āNoāyou know you canāt.ā"
"āYou never could.ā"
"St⦠stopā¦"
It hurt.
Like ice water had been forced into my arteries.
Memories of my past life surgedāgameplay, cutscenes, the story.
Scenes of Misora GotendÅ and Nishizaki shining for the protagonistās sakeā
Replaced with my face. My form.
āOnly to crumble instantly.
The screen cracked.
The story broke.
I saw myself running away in the moments they mustered their courage.
I saw myself giving up in the scenes where they clawed back hope.
"Ah, my apologies. Not that I can read minds, you see. I simply⦠see peopleās anxieties. But I donāt mean to hurt you. If anything, Iām speaking for your sake."
Rain.
A voice smooth as silk, cutting through the downpour.
A voice too smooth.
I couldnāt breathe. My chest burned.
The woman kept speaking, but the words blurred, slipping through me like water.
"Yes, you neednāt push yourself. Why waste effort on what you know is impossible? If itās painful, you should stop. Giving up is the wiser choice. Donāt reach for ideals. Know your limits. Even if you donāt struggle, someone will surely save youā"
"āThatās enough."
A soft clickāthe sound of a hammer cocking.
Gasping, I looked up.
A tall woman in a black suit stood there, the barrel of a pitch-black pistol pressed against the nunās temple.
"C-Commander�"
Murmurs rippled through the surroundings, hushed and uncertain.
No one could believe it.
And yet, the blonde nunāunfazedātilted her head up at the commander with mild surprise, as if only just noticing the gun against her skull.
"Mind not harassing my subordinate any further, Overdose?"
"My, my. Did I do something wrong again? I only meant well."
A tsk of annoyance. The commander dismissed the gunālikely a manifested objectāinto thin air.
"ā¦Go, Zaijou."
"Eh? B-butā"
"Just go. Whatever she saidādonāt take it to heart."
And then, without another word, she turned her back and walked away.
The nun followed.
As if nothing had happened.
Leaving me alone on the bench once moreāno explanation, no closure.
"Go?"
Go where?
Unconsciously, my feet almost carried me toward the storeātoward him.
But I stopped.
I forced myself to stop.
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
ā¦Ah.
Right.
I have to go visitĀ Misora GotendÅ.
The steady beep of the heart monitor echoed softly from the nurseās station into the quiet hospital room.
Today, it was accompanied by another soundāthe pitter-patter of raindrops dripping from my soaked bangs.
I was drenched. The outfit Nishizaki had picked for me was ruined.
I hadnāt taken the umbrella with me.
"ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦"
Misora GotendÅ lay with her eyes closed, unmoving.
She wasnāt in a comaājust bedridden, still consciousābut today⦠maybe she was asleep.
I sat down in the familiar round chair beside her bed.
At the sound, Misoraās eyes fluttered open, blank and unfocused⦠before slowly closing again, as if even that much was exhausting.
Lately, even the faintest flickers of emotion had faded from her face.
Of course.
It had already been four years like thisāfour years of being trapped in a body that wouldnāt move.
"ā¦Um, Misora GotendÅā¦"
Weird. Iād meant to sound brighter than this.
"Actually, I⦠met the protagonist recently. Weāve gotten closer⦠and he really is as kind as I thought⦠So, soon⦠heāll help usā¦"
A raindrop hit the floor.
"J-just a little longer⦠Just a little more, and everything will go back⦠the way itās supposed to be⦠Not someone like me⦠but you, Misora GotendÅ⦠as the real heroine⦠happyā¦"
The raindrops kept falling onto the hospital floor.
Long after Iād dried off, they kept falling.
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