Chapter 61: Resolve, and Then...

Just before my meeting with Trainer after finishing my coffee, I sat on his lap, gripping his hands and crossing them in front of me.

"Ah... Apollo? Is something wrong?"

"…………"

I grabbed Tomio’s arms and pulled them firmly toward me. Then, I slowly intertwined our fingers, increasing the points of contact between us.

Why was I doing this? The answer was simple—to fuel the emotions burning inside me. Uma Musume run carrying the hopes of many. Whether those hopes come from others or from their own hearts, Uma Musume can even make miracles happen.

In that nightmare, I was alone. But now, beside me stands Tomio. There’s also Guriko, Meek-chan, Spe-chan, King-chan, Sei-chan, Glass-chan, El-chan, Marzen-san, Palmer-san, Helios-san, President Rudolf, everyone from Spica, MacQueen-san, Trainer Tenkai, Trainer Okino, Tazuna-san, Kiryuuin-san, my father and mother... and so many other reliable adults and friends.

I’m not alone. And because of that, if I can just believe in their feelings—maybe I can surpass that nightmare. There’s a limit to how much I can concentrate my emotions alone. That’s why I’ve decided to borrow his hands—and his words.

"Trainer, how do you feel about me?"

"Huh? Well... I care about you, of course."

"Can you be more specific?"

"That’s sudden..."

"Come on. I’m just feeling a little nervous before the Kikuka Sho. Mental care is part of your job, right?"

"Fair enough."

Trainer gently untangled our hands and lightly pinched my cheek. The softness of my own face pressed against his fingers felt like a cat’s belly—delicate, squishy, occasionally tugged at. I waited for his words, resisting the urge to squirm as he teased my hair and scratched under my chin.

"What kind of words are you looking for?"

"Just... your honest feelings. Something that’ll wipe away my worries about the Kikuka Sho."

"I see."

Tomio tapped the top of my head, then slid his hands under my arms and lifted me up. "W-wah!" I yelped as I was effortlessly placed beside him, now facing him directly.

"That must be really important to you right now, Apollo."

"...Yeah."

"Got it. Where should I start...?"

Our eyes met. His gaze was deadly serious, piercing right through me. My heart pounded—I couldn’t help but anticipate his words. He had taken my vague request to heart and began pouring out everything from the past year and a half.

"Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. The next best was meeting Tenkai and MacQueen, but... we’ll set that aside for now. The first time I saw you was... that Selection Race where you finished dead last."

"Huh...? You saw me back then?"

"Yeah. I thought, 'Wow, there’s a girl who runs like a total amateur.' You stood out because you were so bad."

"...Ugh."

The first race I ran after coming to Tracen was that mock race where Spe-chan won and I got crushed. Back then, all the trainers were swarming around Spe-chan, but Tomio must have been among them.

"The second time I saw you was when you won a Selection Race. After that, well... you know the rest. I caused you a lot of trouble with training, huh?"

"Trouble? Don’t say that..."

Uma Musume run. All animals run. While technique is important, raw physical strength is essential to run faster. The pure, primal act of "running"—to refine it and aim for the top, there’s no choice but to endure the hellish grind of training.

Effort is agonizing. Carving out one’s body like a sculptor, forging resilient yet powerful muscles—it’s excruciating. It’s so painful it eats away at your mind. Some Uma Musume break under the strain and leave the stage before their Twinkle Series debut.

Tomio thrust that hell upon me. To defeat the mad geniuses dominating the spotlight, I had to throw myself into an even greater hell than they endured—and so, he pushed my body to its absolute limit.

The result? A girl’s body transformed into an athlete’s. Soft muscles hardened into steel. A once-mediocre body, devoid of talent, finally reached a level where it could compete with the elites.

Of course, there were consequences. There were times when the merged spirits of the girl and the man—Apollo Rainbow—nearly shattered.

"Remember that summer during the Junior grades? When I made you cry?"

"Ah... yeah. When your training was so brutal I broke down."

Late July, Junior grade. My spirit was on the verge of collapse.

Spartan training under scorching heat. Blurred vision, numb fingers. Legs like dead logs, only the pounding of my heart filling my ears. The taste of blood in my parched throat, iron clinging to my mouth.

Even as suffering peaked, even as pain and exhaustion rendered my limbs unresponsive, I kept running up that hill. No matter how much it hurt, my power and speed were still lacking—so the training had to continue. Overtraining and "challenging one’s limits" were two sides of the same coin.

Trainer pushed me. "Are you really going to give up on your dream?" Of course not. Never. I didn’t want to give up—that’s what Apollo Rainbow’s heart screamed. But the "me" who was once a man... broke under the unbearable strain. Apollo Rainbow fled the hill and locked herself in her dorm room.

Every day, brutal muscle pain. Every day, training so intense it would make Tazuna pass out. Even when I endured, Trainer demanded "one more step," and once I took it, "another." It was no joke—an endless abyss of suffering.

"Challenging one’s limits" was easy to say. But I hadn’t understood the weight behind those cheap words. My heart screamed in protest, and at the very first step toward my dream—the strongest stayer—I crumbled.

Moreover, this was around the time I suffered two consecutive losses—my debut race and an unranked stakes race. The pressure to win the next one no matter what weighed on me, and I had to live up to Tomio’s expectations, the one who believed in me. Yet it was that same Tomio who subjected me to brutal Spartan training, leaving my heart in tatters.

But in the end, I managed to stand back up. Even as I spat blood and cursed, I kept pushing through the training. Why? Because the two tangled halves of my heart—me and him—had a conversation.

He said:
"I can’t take this suffering. Is this 'strongest stayer' dream really worth all this glittering agony? Why can’t we just coast along, getting by while staying close to this trainer? Are dreams really that great?"

I replied:
"True, I once called 'strongest stayer' my dream. But now, it’s different. It’s a goal on the extension of reality. There’s longing, yes, but I pursue it fanatically because I* believe it’s achievable."

Hearing that, he was awed by Apollo Rainbow’s noble spirit and terrifying resolve. Though we share control of this body, two wills reside in the depths of this heart—and he was struck by the sheer strength and beauty of her existence.

But for me, born and raised as an Uma Musume, enduring hellish effort was natural. The path to Tracen Academy wasn’t smooth either. I refused to betray the self that had fought this far.

The pursuit of dreams is beautiful. The joy of inching closer, the belief that you can go further—yet reality often mocks such hopes. "This dream is beyond me," one might think. But some do make it. That frustration won’t let me sever my aspirations.

Dreams breed strife, strife breeds agony, and agony births self-loathing or despair. Some even lose the will to live. But those who refuse to give up—who struggle desperately—they embody their ideal selves. Apollo Rainbow transformed her longing into a tangible goal, and Tomio paved the path there with equal harshness and kindness. That’s why I told him: "Never give up."

"Man, Tomio’s training back then was insane. Even now, I’m amazed I stuck with it."

In the end, he returned to training the next day. He apologized to Tomio and begged for even harsher drills. Not because I convinced him—but because the man who’d accomplished nothing in his past life had no right to falter now. A small, worthless man like him could never overcome this pain alone… so he trusted in Apollo Rainbow’s pride instead. He endured the torment with curses, insults, and forced laughter.

Back then, he and I weren’t truly united. Now, fully merged as "me," we withstand even the cruelest training… but back in our Junior days, he already believed in Apollo Rainbow’s resolve.

"Your actions taught me a lot, too. I learned my own inadequacy the hard way—but also how to rely on others. That mattered."

Tomio shrugged as he spoke. It might sound harsh, but he isn’t a perfect trainer. No perfect trainer exists. Some come close, but flawless? Impossible. Yet Tomio has strengths only he possesses:

The courage to ask others for help. The flexibility to abandon his old Spartan methods and absorb new knowledge.

His keen observation. A heart gentle enough to truly stand beside an Uma Musume. We’ve both failed endlessly, but to me, Momozawa Tomio is perfect. He’s the only one I need. The only one who can ignite my heart right now.

"…I remember every race. My debut. The two unranked losses. The Murasaki Kiku Sho. My first G1, the Hopeful Stakes. The Wakakoma Stakes I missed due to injury, then the Wakaba Stakes. The Satsuki Sho where Seiun Sky beat me, and the dead-heat Japanese Derby… I wanted to win them all with you. I couldn’t. I regret it. But from here on out, Apollo won’t lose. I won’t let her lose."

He seized my hand, squeezing tight. I squeezed back. As his words wove between us, we stared into each other’s eyes—our feelings surging like boiling water. His blazing resolve and tender worry flowed into me, merging with my own yearning.

"It’s scary, Apollo stepping into the unknown. But Agnes Tachyon’s 'unknown' isn’t just ruin. It holds the next stage for Uma Musume. Which means—it might just be the path to our strongest stayer dream."

And his words caught me off guard. Until now, I’d imagined the "unknown" as nothing but a calamity—a harbinger of ruin. But it wasn’t just that. The unknown wasn’t some terrifying force that brought only destruction—it was pure, untainted possibility, capable of calling forth new light as well.

Agnes Tachyon had only shown us its dangers. I’d been so fixated on the severity of those risks that I’d never considered… this perspective. For a moment, I was left speechless.

"But even so… if you’re still afraid to take that step, remember this: I’ll be right beside you. The good, the bad—I want to face it all with you. I’ll shoulder the pressure weighing you down. I’ll accept even the worst fate. Though, of course… I’d much rather celebrate the good times together."

I couldn’t take it anymore. Before he could finish, I buried my face against his chest. Hearing words like that while locking eyes? Utter humiliation. It was practically torture. My heart swelled until I thought it might burst—too much joy, too much tenderness, too much everything.

I don’t know how he interpreted my actions, but Tomio wrapped an arm around my back and stroked my hair like soothing a child. Maybe I was even crying.

"Apollo… Apollo. I know I rambled at the end, but… are you still afraid?"

"…Mm."

The nightmare etched into my mind had vanished like scattered mist, replaced by a warmth flooding my thoughts. My chest glowed, the base of my tail tingled. I felt so full of something indescribable.

Maybe I was drunk on the intensity of his emotions. I didn’t know. But my body pressed closer to his on its own, like magnets drawn together. Misinterpreting my movement as lingering unease, Tomio let out a thoughtful sigh.

"…You’ve saved me more times than I can count. I know how that sounds coming from me, but… watching you endure brutal training, watching you run with everything you have—it’s moved me to tears more than once. In races, when you fought like your life depended on it… you were beautiful."

"B-Beauti—!?"

"Apollo Rainbow is an Uma Musume who inspires hope. You have every right to be proud—to stand tall. And I’ll testify to that, because I know your strength better than anyone."

Each word was a detonation against my eardrums, my brain threatening to short-circuit. This was supposed to be about preparing my upgraded body to conquer the unknown in the Kikuka Sho—to achieve a miracle. But my resolve was crumbling. If any more of his feelings poured into me, my emotions would overload, and I’d literally self-destruct.

This was the edge of the ring. No more. I couldn’t take it! Just as I tried to lift my head, Tomio landed the final blow.

"I'm in love with you. Your spirit, your relentless determination, the way you run—hell, even your looks—it’s all so blindingly beautiful I can’t stand it. I admire you, Apollo. I respect you. And yeah, I’m so damn gone for you that I think about you every waking second. So at the Kikuka Sho, where you’ll show your true power… Run in a way that’ll make me fall even harder."

"——!!!!"

"Ah, sorry. Too personal?"

I was annihilated. Every ounce of strength left my body, reducing me to a creature that only knew how to breathe against his chest. His scent filled my nostrils, seeping into my brain. My ears twitched involuntarily, tuning into the rhythm of his heartbeat, until I became nothing but a blissed-out, shameless mess.

His heart was pounding fast—maybe he was nervous too. But mine? Even louder. Could he hear it? Was my tail wagging wildly? Were my ears betraying my emotions? I tried to rationalize it, but gave up. Yeah, he definitely knows.

As warmth and awareness slowly returned, I slid my arms around his back and hugged him tighter. His body was solid, warm—reliable.

"...Thank you."

"Yeah."

No amount of gratitude would ever be enough. My heart burned with passion, longing, and fighting spirit—all fused into a single, unshakable resolve. Bring on hell. Bring on miracles. I’ll take it all.

The ritual to ignite my emotions and summon a miracle was complete.

What came next was pure, selfish indulgence.

I tilted my head up just enough to rest my chin on his shoulder, pressing our bodies so close our hearts nearly overlapped. A position impossible to explain if anyone saw us.

When Tomio tried to pull back (too much contact, even for him), I flashed a wicked grin. No human outmuscles an Uma Musume. With a flick of my finger against his earlobe—

"Gh—!"

—he shuddered. Payback. Then, I whispered directly into his ear:

"...Touch me?"

"Wh-what? Touch… where?"

"Mm."

I pulled back just enough to make deliberate eye contact, my ears flicking playfully.

"My ears. Touch them."

"But they’re sensitive, so—"

"I want it. I need you to stroke them. A lot."

"I-Is this necessary?"

"—Yes. Very necessary. So touch me. Properly."

"If… if Apollo says so…"

…Since when was I this high-maintenance? But necessary? Absolutely. The fiercer my love for him burns, the brighter my fighting spirit blazes. I won’t abandon either dream—becoming the strongest stayer or cherishing Momozawa Tomio. I’m a greedy, insatiable Uma Musume.

And I’ll achieve both.