Chapter 56
It's been nearly six months since I came to Shin's home.
Before I realized it, having Shin by my side had become something natural.
Every single day, even the smallest things fill me with warmth and joy.
These are happy days—days spent with the person I love most always close to me.
But amidst these peaceful days, I noticed a problem.
It was right at the start of November.
That day, as we sat side by side watching a movie like always, I suddenly felt something off.
Not just an ordinary discomfort—this was a magical anomaly.
Worried, I looked into it and realized something was wrong with the brainwashing spell I'd cast on Shin.
I couldn't tell exactly what the issue was without deeper investigation.
But the irregularity was serious enough that leaving it unchecked might cause Shin harm.
So I knew I had to properly examine it and take action.
...And now, that very necessity has become the source of my current torment.
There are two possible solutions, depending on the severity.
The first applies if the malfunction is relatively minor—
simple maintenance would suffice.
In that case, everything could continue just as before, with no problems at all.
The real issue lies with the second scenario—if the damage is severe.
If the spell's corruption is beyond repair, maintenance won't help.
There'd only be one solution left.
...Lifting the brainwashing spell.
As far as I know, there's no alternative.
"Yuu? Are you okay?"
"...Huh? Shin?"
I snapped back to reality to find Shin standing right before me.
I hadn't noticed him approach—too lost in thought.
"Yuu, did something happen? You've been spacing out a lot lately."
"Ah, n-no, I'm fine! It's nothing."
Shin peered at me, his face twisted with concern.
...He's worried about me.
The thought makes me happy, yet guilty all at once.
Because all I can do is lie.
How could I ever say, "I'm agonizing over the brainwashing spell I cast on you failing"?
"......"
...Just hypothetically—
If the spell's corruption proves irreparable... what should I do?
I haven't examined it thoroughly yet, so I don't know the actual state.
But if the only solution is to lift the spell... what would become of our relationship?
Brainwashing someone into compliance is unforgivable.
Having been bound by curses myself, I know better than anyone how infuriating, how violating it feels to be controlled.
The forced actions breed rage, yes—but worse is the visceral disgust of having your body and mind hijacked.
...Shin once told me he was happy.
That life after my arrival—after the spell—was more joyful than before.
That being with me brought him happiness.
But that's only because he doesn't know.
His revulsion toward the brainwashing itself isn't part of that equation.
So when he learns the truth—what expression will he make?
The uncertainty terrifies me beyond measure.
His anger would be justified.
What I've done warrants nothing less.
If he demands atonement, I'll do anything.
No request could make me refuse.
But if he comes to hate me—
If he says he never wants to see my face again—
The thought alone is unbearable, shredding my composure.
Just imagining it makes my chest ache so badly I could cry.
"Um, Shin..."
"Yeah?"
Desperate to escape the fear swallowing me whole, I call his name like a lifeline.
How absurd this is.
Could any situation be more twisted?
I'm the one who wronged him.
Yet here I am—the perpetrator—clinging to my victim for comfort.
"Well, I just... you know...?"
"Mm?"
The words spill out impulsively, but nothing follows.
There's nothing I can say. Nothing I have the right to say.
Guilt gnaws at my chest, making me want to confess everything—
but that's impossible.
"It's just..."
For a fleeting moment, I consider reapplying the spell after lifting it.
But brainwashing magic strains its subject too much.
Recasting it so soon could break his mind entirely.
"Yuu?"
Shin still watches me with undiminished worry.
...In my recent happiness, I'd truly forgotten.
No—not forgotten. Avoided remembering.
That our relationship is built on brainwashing.
That it's always been this distorted.
"S-sorry. It's really nothing."
"Yuu..."
I can't run forever.
If leaving this unchecked might hurt Shin, I have to act soon.
But right now... I have no idea what to do.
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