Chapter 62

I begin to explain everything to Shin.

What I did to him.

The sin I committed.

“…Am I… brainwashed…?”

“…Yeah.”

When I finished explaining, Shin looked confused.

Of course he did. Anyone who could understand something like this right away would be the strange one.

In the first place, unless the brainwashing is lifted, there's a cognitive block in place, so there are probably a lot of things he still can’t grasp.

It’s pointless. I know that.

If I truly wanted to explain everything to Shin, I should’ve just lifted the brainwashing first, then talked. Since I haven’t done that, all I’m really doing is running away.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

“Yuu…”

Even these repeated apologies are just a way to buy time.

Now that I’ve started explaining, there’s no way I can avoid lifting the brainwashing.

I’ll have to do it soon. Probably in just a little while.

But… even just a little longer, even just a moment more—I wanted to delay it.

Even if he’s confused by everything I’m saying, even if none of it makes sense to him… the way Shin is looking at me right now—it’s still kind.

And that’s why, I wanted to hold onto that feeling for just a little longer.

“So, Yuu… you’re planning to lift the brainwashing, right?”

“…Yeah.”

But that small window of time I was clinging to—was now gone.

I had finished explaining everything. I had apologized. All that was left was to undo the spell.

That moment was drawing closer, second by second.

“…Um, Shin… I know it’s shameless of me to ask after everything I’ve done, but… there’s something I want to ask.”

“What is it?”

I was scared. So scared I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to run, to escape. And without even realizing it, the words slipped from my mouth.

“…My request is… um… I… I don’t want you to hate me.”

“…What?”

I know it’s ridiculous.

There’s no point in asking something like that.

If anything, it might just make him even angrier after the brainwashing’s gone.

The one who caused harm, asking this of the one they hurt—of course it could seem like I haven’t reflected on anything.

“I know I sound ridiculous. But I’ll do anything. Anything you ask. …Please. Just don’t hate me.”

…Still, I couldn’t keep it inside.

I couldn’t help but cling to him.

“…I could never hate you, Yuu.”

“…Thank you.”

Then he said that.

…Shin really is kind.

Of course, I know those words are coming from the Shin who’s still under the effects of the spell.

Even so… I was truly happy.

Happy enough that I felt a bit of courage bubbling up inside me.

…Yes. It’s because Shin’s always been this kind—that I fell in love with him.

“…Alright, then… I’m going to lift it now.”

I brace myself, summon the spell to remove the brainwashing, and reach out.

Once my hand touches his head, the spell will vanish.

There’s only about a meter of space between us.

I stand up and take a step forward to close the distance.

“…Ah.”

…And that’s when I saw it.

“…Ahh… ahhh…”

It was the bag of groceries I’d bought earlier.

The ingredients that were supposed to be on the dinner table right about now.

Looking at them, scenes from not long ago started replaying in my mind—scenes that used to be ordinary.

Me and Shin, sitting across from each other at the table, eating together.

Shin saying it’s delicious, me getting happy hearing that.

Both of us smiling, laughing, enjoying ourselves. A warm, happy moment.

“No… I don’t want this, I don’t want this, I don’t want you to hate me…”

“Yuu…”

Before I knew it, the spell had vanished, and I was sitting back down.

That tiny bit of courage I had just moments ago—was completely gone.

Tears kept spilling, one after another, until I couldn’t see a thing in front of me.

It hurt so much. I wanted to lean on Shin, who was right there beside me. But… I didn’t deserve that now. That only made it hurt even more.

What am I supposed to do?

What should I do?

I want to run away.

I can’t take this anymore. I want someone to save me.

Thoughts like that kept swirling around in my head with no direction.

Everything in my mind was a tangled mess. I couldn’t think clearly anymore.

…And it was then that Shin finally spoke.

“Hey… Yuu.”

“…Shin?”

His voice was gentle, like he was trying to reach out to me slowly.

That tone of his caught my attention without me meaning to.

“We’ve been to a lot of places together, haven’t we? The department store, and that trip we took…”

“…Y-Yeah…”

His words made me remember.

It was just a few months ago, but now it feels like it was a lifetime away.

A time when I was just… happy. A memory that feels so far away from the me of now.

“Back when we went to the department store, I was really nervous… and I ended up causing you trouble.”

…Yeah, that happened.

Shin suddenly started sweating like crazy, his face pale, like he was terrified of something.

So that was him being nervous…? I never realized.

“But, thanks to you giving me some tea back then, I was able to calm down.
…You know, that made me really happy.”

…Back then, I remember thinking that he looked just like a new recruit on the battlefield.

Recalling how out-of-touch my thoughts were at the time makes me feel a little embarrassed.

“Thank you, Yuu. Thanks to that, I stopped being afraid of going out with people—with you. I started thinking… I want to go out with you more.”

“…Shin.”

Shin's voice as he said that… it genuinely sounded happy.

I know it’s about me, but… I could feel his gratitude.

I couldn’t see his face since I was still looking down—but I could easily imagine his smile.

“And then there was that time we went to buy your phone.”

“…Yeah, I remember.”

I responded to his words.

At some point, the tears had stopped.

“You didn’t have a phone, so I thought it would be bad if we got separated on the trip. That’s why I brought you to the shop to get one.”

It was when we were preparing for the trip.

Shin said it would be safer if I had a phone, and he brought me out to buy one.

“And then you told me I’d changed. You said it was a good change.”

It was the first time Shin had ever taken the lead like that, so I was surprised.

But it also made me happy… because it felt like he had stopped holding back around me.

“You acknowledging that made me feel like… it was okay to speak up. After that, I started enjoying talking with you even more.”

Since that day, Shin began to share his thoughts more often.

About the dinner menu. The movies we’d watch.

Sometimes our opinions would clash, and we’d both try to persuade the other. That was fun too.

“…Yuu, being with you… makes me truly happy.”

“…Yeah.”

Me too.

Just having Shin by my side makes me happy. Just seeing him smile makes me feel lucky.

“I was always lonely when I was alone. That’s why… I want to stay with you.”

“…Yeah.”

Coming to this house, I finally learned what warmth felt like.

I could never go back to being alone again.

“There’s still so much to look forward to, you know?

Christmas is coming. Then New Year’s. And after that… Valentine’s Day.

…To be honest, I was kinda hoping I’d get my first chocolate then.”

“…Yeah.”

I want to eat Christmas cake with Shin. I want to go with him to the shrine for New Year’s.

And I’ll do my best to make chocolates for Valentine’s Day.

“But if you weren’t here… all of that would disappear.

And I don’t want that.”

…So warm. It’s like my chest is being squeezed gently from the inside.

Every single word Shin says is so kind—it’s like he’s embracing everything about me. And the fear that had been weighing me down begins to melt away.

“That’s why you’re so important to me, Yuu. More important than anything else.”

“…Sniff…”

Tears start spilling again—this time from happiness.

Like all the pain and fear I’d held inside was being washed away.

“…Shin… thank you…”

“There’s no need to thank me.”

That’s not true.

I’m this happy. This grateful. If this isn’t worth thanking someone for… then what is?

The truth is, after all this… I’ve fallen for Shin even more deeply than ever before.

“I love you too, Shin. More than anything else.”

“…?”

When I said that, Shin’s eyes suddenly went blank.

A clear sign that the brainwashing had activated.

Yeah… I knew it. I still need to lift the spell.

If I don’t, my real feelings will never truly reach him.

“Alright, then… I’m going to undo the brainwashing now, okay?”

I activate the release spell.

Just like before, both my hands glow white. But this time… the fear from earlier isn’t there.

I’m not undoing the spell out of fear.

I’m doing it—for our happiness.

I reach out and touch Shin.

A soft white light spreads through the room.

And with that—the brainwashing spell is undone.