Chapter 13
"Sword Saint Rex-sama, and the swordswoman among your party membersâitâs a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Emma, serving as Deputy to His Excellency General Penny of the Pedian Empire."
With a crisp, clear tone, the girlâher round eyes shimmering, her smooth chestnut hair cascading to her shouldersâadjusted her attire with practiced ease as she introduced herself.
"Ah, umâŚ"
"My deepest apologies for the unsightly display earlier. It is shameless of me to ask, but I would be grateful if you could kindly forget what you witnessed."
With that, the young girl bowed her head meekly. Taking a proper look at her now, she had slightly upturned eyes that gave her a stubborn impression despite her childish appearance. If she grew up, sheâd undoubtedly become a cool beauty.
Though Emma looked like a child, her demeanor was strikingly mature. Her cheeks were faintly flushedâperhaps from embarrassment over being seen in such a compromising situationâyet she maintained an unreadable expression, speaking calmly.
Honestly, she was handling this like an adult.
âŚDonât tell meâwas she actually of age? Just her appearance alone was already criminal, so the general was definitely guilty, but given Clariseâs precedent, looks could be deceiving. Maybe she wasnât really a child. If she was an adult, then weâd just committed a massive blunder.
"Hey, Emma⌠san?"
"Yes?"
"How old are you?"
"Iâm â years old."
"Yeah, thatâs a crime."
ââââDeath to lolicon. No mercy. Still half-naked, I drove my foot into the head of the prostrating general.
"Hey, Penny⌠Didnât I tell you? Just because they like you doesnât mean you can go after actual little girls. Clarise-chan is at least technically an adult, but Emmaâs a hard no, right?"
"...Emma was just too cute. I couldnât help it. I regret nothing."
"Iâm so happy, Penny-samaâŚ"
"Hey, Rex. Can I kill him? Heâs the kind of person who should be killed, right?"
"Unfortunately, Pennyâs the Empireâs top military officer, so no. Weâll report him to the proper authorities and let the law handle it."
Rex glared at Penny with eyes colder than ice. I felt the exact same wayâthis man deserved to die.
Penny, the disgrace of this nation, shamelessly started getting handsy with a little girl in public. I was honestly so ashamed of being born here that I seriously considered defecting to a neighboring country.
Who in their right mind would give him command of the military�
"Fufufu. I anticipated youâd say that, Sword Saint Rex-sama. However, thereâs something Iâd like you to see."
"...What? What am I supposed to be looking at?"
"Here. Beholdâthis marriage certificate. Under the kingâs mediation, Penny-sama and I entered into a marital union this spring. Thatâs right! The highest authority in this nation guarantees itâI am Penny-samaâs lawful wife! Therefore, there is no illegality in his touching me!"
The young girl proudly brandished the so-called marriage certificate. Sure enough, it bore the imperial seal, identical to the one on the request form.
"Hey, Rex. Wanna go kill the king?"
"Thatâd collapse the country, so no. Instead, letâs make Penny take responsibility and die."
"Hahaha, Rex! Come now, no need to get so heated. With such a cute girl by your side, shouldnât we talk this out calmly?"
General Penny laughed boisterously, utterly unrepentant.
âŚWait, who did he think I was?
Oh, rightâme. Since we were alone together here, he mustâve misunderstood. I should probably correct him beforeâ
"WHOSE FAULT DO YOU THINK IT IS THAT THE MOODâS RUINED, YOU DAMN LOLICON?! WE WERE THIS CLOSE!"
"Oh? Trying to impress her, are we? If itâs a spar you want, Iâll gladly oblige."
"Do your best, Penny-sama~!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, IâLL MURDER YOU!"
Before I could clear up that horrifying misunderstanding, an enraged Rex lunged at the general, sword drawn. Hey, at least deny it first!
âŚAnd what exactly were you planning to do with those âfew more seconds,â huh?
By the wayâ
"Justice prevails. Evil perishesâŚ"
"PENNY-SAAAAAN?!"
Foolishly attempting to fight Rex barehanded, General Penny was promptly embedded into the ground, KOâd in seconds. That he lasted even that long against Rex was proof of his skill as a generalâhe was at least decently strong.
By the time Rex had cooled off, the surrounding couplesâperhaps sensing dangerâhad already vanished. With General Penny still unconscious over Rexâs shoulder, we decided to head back to our hideout.
Now that our full team for the request was assembled (including this mess), it made sense to regroup at our base where Clarise was staying. At the very least, we could hold a proper strategy meeting there.
As we walked, I held hands with Emmaâwho was visibly dejected after her "husbandâs" knockoutâand took the opportunity to grill Rex for details about Penny.
"Rex. When you called him âserious,â what exactly did you mean?"
"...You mean Penny? Well, last time we met, he swore he hadnât laid a hand on Emma."
"Turns out he had. Are all the Empireâs generals this unhinged?"
"ââââBut hereâs the thing. Even so⌠compared to the other generals? Pennyâs still probably the most decent of the bunch. Like, even if you ignore the whole âloliconâ thingâŚ"
Rexâs answer only made my headache worse. Decent? This walking red flag qualified as decent in Rexâs book?
"That bad, huh? The Empireâs militaryâs that rotten?"
"Pennyâs desire to âprotect the common folkâ is genuine. Even if itâs just âprotecting childrenâ specifically⌠At the very least, heâs the only one who actually gives a damn about the people."
"Huh⌠So he does sincerely want to protect civilians."
Rexâs opinion of the other generals was downright scathing. If Penny was the best of them, what did that make the restâmonsters?
"Also, I refuse to accept that Iâm âten times more ridiculousâ than him."
"Dude, his fetish isnât even funny. Itâs just criminal."
"Ah, you meant it that way."
So it was literal "ridiculousness" heâd been judging. Meaning I was the laughable one. Iâll murder him someday.
"To play devilâs advocate, thoughâPennyâs got no real talent. He just trained like a madman to protect kids from bandits and monsters. Through sheer effort and experience, he saved countless villages single-handedly, clawed his way up to general, and probably has more lives saved under his belt than anyone else in the Empire. That part, I respect."
"...After my family was killed by monsters, Penny-sama took me in and raised me. I truly⌠love him with all my heart. So hearing him criticized hurts."
"Whoa⌠Okay, maybe Penny is kinda decent⌠aside from the fetish."
The achievements Rex described were impossible to reconcile with the pervert weâd just met. But if even half of it was true, Rexâs "serious and stoic" assessment made a twisted sort of sense.
"Thing is, heâs got no ulterior motives. Neither he nor Clarise. Most people with power turn scheming or arrogant, but Penny? Nothing. Heâs just⌠a lolicon."
"That last partâs a pretty fatal flaw."
"Agreed. But letâs face itâflawless people donât exist. Well, except me, of course."
"...Hey Rex, your crotch looksââââ"
"SHUT UP OR IâLL MAKE YOU CRY, YOU LITTLEâ!!"
The "flawless" existence (âpparently not) was already on the verge of tears before I finished my sentence. Guess heâs real sensitive about his size.
Meanwhile, Emma was sneakily eyeing Rexâs groin with way too much interest. Huh. So sheâs curious about other menâs âmeasurementsâ too? What a shameless little gremlin.
Back at the Hideout
"Hm? You hadnât heard of Pennyâs marriage? Truly, joyous news!"
"Whatâs joyous is how empty Clariseâs head must be."
Upon arriving, Clarise greeted Pennyâs unconscious form with a radiant smile. Apparently, she wholeheartedly approved of the "marriage."
Then again, given her own childlike appearance, maybe she was just biased toward fellow lolis.
"Ah, is this not the purest love?! Rarely have I witnessed devotion so unwavering!"
"You mean âunwavering lust.â"
"I can see itâtheir hearts, bound by mutual trust! They uplift each other without dependence, each excelling in their roles! What matter is age?!"
She declared this with the confidence of a sunbeam, utterly convinced.
Yeah, no surprise Clarise folded. Sheâs always been weak to flowery talk about "love."
Also, the overwhelming scent of idiot wafting off her didnât help.
"Uh⌠Thatâs not okayâŚ"
"... (silent horror)"
Yep. ThisâMei and Karinâs reactionsâwas the normal response. Lolicons deserve execution, no trial needed. Maybe we should ambush Penny tonight and take his head.
"Enough about Penny. Once this idiot wakes up, weâre starting the strategy meeting. Weâll âcorrectâ his lolicon tendencies laterâright now, the Demon Kingâs army takes priority."
"Iâd prefer if you didnât âcorrectâ him, Sword Saint-sama."
"W-Wait, weâre diving into a dungeon with this creepy old manâŚ?"
"Sis, Iâm getting real bad vibes. Are you sure we can trust him?"
Mei scowled, edging away from Pennyâs unconscious body. Her disgust was palpable.
"Absolutely! True, Penny once attempted to court me, but his heart belongs solely to Emma!"
"Oh hell no, that makes it worse!"
"He⌠tried to court you�"
Of course he did. Meiâs eyes frosted over at the revelation. Nothing like a little sisterâs protective rage. Shouldâve stuck to legal lolis, you degenerate.
"...Sis, was that your only shot at marriage? What a waste."
"Fuhahaha!! âŚMei, that might actually piss me off."
"Eep! S-Sorry!"
Never mindâMei was just trolling her sister.
"Speaking of which, howâs your relationship with Rex progressing, Mei?"
"Ugh! Why do you always go there?!"
"You started it!"
And just like that, the sisters devolved into their usual bickering. Same old, same old. Those two really are close.
"This hideoutâs gotten real noisy. Even dogs wouldnât touch this sibling squabble."
"To be fair, Clarise alone is loud enough. A little chaos isnât badâjust endure it âtil the jobâs done."
"Fair point."
As I watched their heartwarming (if noisy) daily life, I settled in to wait for Penny to wake upâsurrounded by allies, enemies, and one irredeemable lolicon.
"Huh? Sword Saint-sama, werenât you just in the park having a rendezvous with that female swordsman? So which one is your loverâher, or Clariseâs little sister?"
The little girlâs innocent, dagger-sharp question sliced through the room.
Oh shit. Iâd forgotten to clear up that misunderstanding.
Thenâsilence. The sistersâ bickering froze mid-air. A discordant, glass-shattering aura began radiating from Mei and Karin.
What the hell is that? Terrifying.
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