Chapter 31: Dreams of a Sunlit future

 

I reached into the leather bag and pulled out a clawfull of ember grain. The individual seeds fell over each other in my claw as I held it there for a moment before offering my claw out, flat, before me.

 

The pidgrat eyed my claw curiously, looked up at me and back at the seed, tilting its head every which way as it took in my offering. After a long moment, it…

 

Pecked my thumb.

 

I stared.

 

It did it again and then clamped onto my pinkie claw. It didn’t hurt, I don’t think it was strong enough to do that, but I could feel my tail bristling and twitching rapidly as I got supremely annoyed.

 

“Dumb bastard thinks your finger-claws are big worms,” Sasha said idly from where she was pruning a large, shrub like plant absolutely covered in thorns and tiny pink flowers. “You’ll need to put the seed on the ground for him to eat it.” She grunted as she ripped out a small vine that had snuck into the shrubbery.

 

I looked back at Sasha, only to feel the pidgrat peck my finger claws again, this time in rapid succession. I growled and flung the seeds away in exasperation. The pidgrat looked up at me, tilted its head, and blinked as if I was the one with a problem attitude.

 

“Are all pidgrats this stupid?” I asked, staring at the offending animal as it finally chose to scratch at the ground and peck at the discarded seed.

 

“No, just mine,” Sasha said, standing up to dust herself off. She was wearing a dress, but unlike her ‘on the town’ dress or her ‘foraging’ dress, this one was a more muted brown and mildly stained dress she wore for actual work. As it turned out, maintaining a flowery herbal garden of the near fairy tale grove levels as she did was a lot of effort.

 

“Does he even have a name?” I asked.

 

“Not really. Bastard or stupid animal is about as close as I’ve come,” Sasha shrugged.

 

As I watched, I saw the pidgrat pick up a pebble and swallow it. He coughed three times before settling. He reared back, eyeing Sasha and I as if we were responsible for what he had just done.

 

“I’m going to name him Seashell,” I declared after a moment’s thought

 

“Why Seashell?” Sasha asked, gathering her tools.

 

“Because if you listen closely, the only thing coming out of his head is the sound of the sea,” I said with a smile.

 

Said smile began to fall as I realized Sasha was just staring at me. The moment stretched on, uncomfortably long as I began to feel my skin itch and tail twitch nervously as my joke landed somewhere in the abyss. Salvation only came when, at last, Sasha gave a little laugh.

 

“Sure, why not. Seashell is his stupid little name,” Sasha said with a smile. “Come, about time for lunch, anyway.”

 

Seashell squawked in alarm as Sasha left and chased after her, not that she seemed to care or respond.

 

“Where does he go? I’ve seen him around the house, but…” I began.

 

“Eh, he has a few bolt holes and roosts he lounges at around the cottage when we’re not out and about,” Sasha said idly as Seashell into a small, nearly concealed hole at the base of the cottage. He poked its head out to look at us as we passed.

 

It was really weird to me that this little creature was what saved my life. Sasha and Mom explained it to me before, a couple times now because I’d been getting better with the language. His blood was charged with essence or qualities from a rare medicinal plant called moon root Sasha had been cultivating, which he’d eaten. All of it. This included the roots he’d dug up.

 

This dumb little moron was the reason I breathed. That was what Mom and Sasha said.

 

An infinite sea, a gold gouged cat of white and black duality, countless stars, a ravening dark and a feline scream…

 

I shuddered. I didn’t think he actually saved me. Or maybe his blood helped, but…

 

Without her, my benefactor, I don’t think I would have gotten out of there. If I hadn’t found her, would I have wandered along that beach forever, looking for a way back out of the tangled mix of dreams and memories? Would my body have stayed here, alive but unoccupied, slowly withering away until even that anchor was gone, slamming the gates shut on any possibility to live leaving me as a lost soul on the beach beneath the stars forever more?

 

I owed Idir.

 

In that moment, I felt watched. I froze, looking around, but quickly realized it wasn’t anything nearby. At least nothing I could detect. Instead, it was a presence, a feeling that send shivers down my spine and made my tail bristle and ears stand up.

 

A quote from my old life came to mind, “To speak his name is to know him, and to be known in turn.”

 

That was referring to another entity entirely, but…

 

I gulped. The presence and the feeling of eyes faded, quickly. I got the sense that felt as if she was tired from even this much. I…

 

I hadn’t made any offerings as of late. I didn’t even really know what I could do there? I’d been so caught up with just living and adjusting to society that I was…

 

I gulped and resolved myself. I needed to be better. We’d made a deal and I hadn’t been supplying. She said she wouldn’t take, but…

 

A bit of food here, an item there in a quiet moment…

 

Maybe that would be enough?

 

“Gwen? You coming?” Sasha rang out from the cottage door.

 

I jumped. “Coming!” I called out

 

I took off my boots quickly, as Sasha did hers, and followed her into the kitchen.

 

“Hmm… Question. Have you ever had hunter’s stew before?” Sasha asked, looking over her kitchen, the pantry, the sunlight streaming in through an open window in beams across her black iron stovetop.

 

“No? I’ve had stew, but nothing called hunter’s stew,” I said, thinking back to the assorted stews Mom and I had on the island. Most of it was from what we’d been able to forage, but some had been this stuff from these cans with a pin you used to peel off the top with a little hiss. They’d been fine over rice but that was about it, about as middling as stew could be if my first life’s memories were right. Opening it up was probably more interesting than the actual consumption of it because of the little indents in the can you could tell were meant for claws. Bouillabaisse probably counted, but she was saying hunter’s stew specifically, so it was probably something else.

 

“Well then, you’re in for a treat. Old specialty a… a friend, of mine used to make, when I was sick,” Sasha said with a faraway look in her eyes before she shook herself. “First, we get the fire going nice and hot…”

 

With that, we began preparation of ‘hunters’ stew.’

 

“Next, the butter,” Sasha sang, and plopped in… okay that was a lot of butter in one pot. Wait. Butter.

 

“Where do you get butter?”

 

Sasha blinked, ears angling upward. “From town? Dairy corner usually sells some. Cheese too.”

 

I shook my head. “But, like, from what animal?”

 

“That’s a bit odd? Have you never seen a routhe before?” Sasha asked.

 

“No, what are they?”

 

“I think you’d like them. Big, four paws, wooly coat, rodent muzzle, two big teeth can eat about but usually graze. Girls get real big, usually pack animals but you can milk them, boys get eaten. Are you serious? You’ve never seen one before?”

 

“No,” I said, feeling a bit uncertain now. Had I said too much? “I didn’t see any in town.”

 

“I guess you wouldn’t, they’re usually kept in their pens so they don’t get up to too much trouble, if they’re not out grazing… and out of the ember wheat fields, too. Huh, I guess we did avoid them. Will have to show them the next time we’re in town.:

 

I nodded, filing the description away.

 

“Anyway, next step,” Sasha threw chopped onions, sausage, cala berries, and…

 

“Jam?” I pointed out, confused.

 

Sasha laughed at my look. “Trust me, it’s good,” she’d said adding a spoonful to the sautéing pot. Once everything was browned, she added clean water from a…

 

I blinked. Sasha’s sink looked like the one I’d seen on Sandy’s shipform, but like, that was only part of plumbing. “Sasha? Where does your water come from?” I asked.

 

Sasha herself blinked, mid pause adding a powder to the pot. “Pardon?”

 

“I just realized. You live out here in the forest alone, but you have a sink that never seems to run out of water. But everyone in town seems to use water barrels or buckets. Where is your water coming from?” I asked, head tilted and ears perked for her answer.

 

At this, Sasha laughed. “Good observation. Well, as a little secret between us, that ‘sink’ is connected to a water source, deep, deep underground. So far down it’s hard to reach, but I have my ways,” she said, wagging her claw tips. Her ears even twitched in amusement, bouncing a bit!

 

“Why doesn’t Stonetown use it?”

 

Sasha frowned. “It’s difficult. I can do it well enough here, but doing it for everyone would be exhausting, to the point I wouldn’t be able to set it up for even half the village,” she explained.

 

I tilted my head at her. “Is this a magic thing? It sounds like a magic thing.”

 

Sasha’s eyes went wide and her tail bristled. “How do you know?”

 

“I can smell you?” I said, confused. “You smell really strongly of magic. But Mom’s magic is runes for thaumaturgy. Is that what you do?”

 

Sasha breathed, closing her eyes. “I… no, Gwen, that is not my magic, at all. But…” she gave me a considering look out of her eyes. “You can really smell magic on me?” she asked.

 

“Uh huh,” I said.

 

“What do I smell like?”

 

I frowned, poking my cheek with my tongue to help me think. “It’s hard,” I said. “It’s like it’s mixed up with everything here. I smell herbs like rosemary and mint, but like, more, but that’s just one layer. There’s another layer of flowers and earth, like you got all the flowers together in one big basket but with like an earthy smell beneath like mud,  but then…” I sniffed her again, making her quirk an eyebrow. “There’s something bitter beneath it, like…” I huffed. “I can’t figure it out. Just bitter.

 

Sasha slowly nodded. “I see, Gwen. That is… accurate. I don’t think I’ve met many who can smell magic like you. That was surprisingly detailed.”

 

I tilted my head, and my ears perked. “How do you feel magic?”

 

“For me, it’s like a taste,” Sasha said.

 

“How does that work?” I blurted out. “Do you have to like, lick something to know it’s magic?”

 

Sasha laughed. “Not quite. When I was younger, I did find myself doing some…er, questionable tasting of the enchanted items in my home, but these days my range has extended a fair bit.”

 

“You can extend your range?” I asked, excited. I could already smell magic pretty well, but like, it didn’t feel all that much further than what I could smell up close.

 

“You can, with training,” Sasha admitted. “It’s finicky and really takes a while. Most don’t really go beyond the base sense because it is troublesome to refine. You seem to be pretty good as it stands, but… why not? I’ll see if I can help you, but first, let’s finish lunch. Your mom should be back soon, so let’s treat her, shall we?”

 

I nodded rapidly, already excited about the possibility. I wanted to know all the magic things. Sure, Mom was a terrible teacher and had her head up in Cloud Theory, but like, it was still magic. Or Thaumaturgy. Or was there a difference? We hadn’t had much chance to do more magic training since the island. Maybe we could pick it back now?

 

I was also excited about the stew, but that was needless to say. Food!

 

The door banged open. Mom, in her tank top, came in carrying a load of firewood in her arms. Sweat glistened on her skin and her bangs clung to her forehead. I turned to get Mom some water as I imagined she was thirsty and looked back to see Sasha staring.

 

Oh…eww.

 

“Smells good in here. You two finish up outside?” Mom asked, setting the wood in the wood pile bin. She stretched, groaning as she did and wiped the sweat off her brow. Sasha still stared.

 

“Yes, I helped Sasha weed her garden,” I said, handing Mom a cup she gladly gulped from. Sasha jumped and quickly turned back to the stove. “Sasha was showing me how to make hunter’s stew and how she tastes magic,” I said, hopping on a chair to sit.

 

Sasha jumped, tail bristling. Mom’s ears went straight up. “You know? Wait, how?”

 

I stared at Mom. I pointed to my nose. Sasha laughed.

 

Mom sheepishly rubbed her head, ears close to her skull. “Okay, I deserved that. I was going to go over a bit of that over lunch today, but, er…”

 

“I already knew?” I queried.

 

“Yeah,” Mom said. “I think we need to have a conversation about keeping that nose of yours to yourself, but it works out. Kitten, Sasha, and I had a long talk the other night. I shared with her our, er, situation, and she’s agreed to help with Sandy.”

 

“Indeed,” Sasha said, placing a bowl first before Eliza, and then me. She then took a block of brown cheese and grated it over the bowl of stew with sausage, mushrooms, and onions.

 

“Well! We have a bit to discuss, but I for one am famished, so food first, then we talk, okay?”

 

I nodded, grabbed my own spoon, and dug in. The stew was savory and filling as it should be, but the addition of fresh fennel added a touch of anise while the cheese brought a sweet, almost caramel twinge to it that really enhanced the whole thing.

 

…

 

I wanted seconds.

 

~~~~

 

It felt surreal how life here, at Sasha’s cottage, even traveling to Stonetown, became normal, even routine.

 

Take today, for instance. We were in town again. Sasha had business delivering some medicines to people around town, so Mom had taken us through the town square market on our way to meet with Jonas to see how they were doing while we were here.

 

It was…

 

It was just a routine visit. Sasha did this several times a week, and now the village that called itself a town was becoming near familiar, which was so, so utterly weird.

 

My life was dominated by survival and isolation. But, lately, as in the last six months, that’d shifted. First, it was just me and Mom, but then Sandy woke up, adding her light to my life. Things weren’t easier, but a world of two became a world of three. Then, after making our way to the mainland, I met Zenn, Jonas, and the other hunters. I didn’t know the others very well, but I knew Zenn, and Zenn knew me, and had pounced on me over twenty times at this point when I wasn’t expecting it.

 

Now, here, civilization!

 

…

 

I still didn’t really know what that meant.

 

I had ideas about that from my first life, but that life knew things, felt things differently. My life, my experiences were of being here. For most of the time I’d been alive I’d known just an island and my Mom: no one else.

 

The first thing that came with civilization were people. Kinda hard to escape, really. There were so many. There were only a few hundred in Stonetown, but compared to what I knew it was overwhelming even if intellectually I knew it was nothing compared to the millions strong cities in my first life. Sometimes, when I felt curious eyes on me, I still felt an urge to freeze, but fortunately I was able to hide behind Mom’s legs when that happened.

 

…

 

That may have happened more than I liked to admit.

 

Safety was another thing I knew civilization entailed. At least, I felt safer here than I had in the wilderness. It wasn’t so much the lack of threats as the walls of the town were, presumably, there for a reason, and I knew there were things stalking the wilderness. The false seal was example of that, but I’d overheard people talking about other things. This wasn’t even to mention normal wild animals that might be food or might be threats. But the presence of so many catfolk in one place, of having others I could, theoretically, go to for help was… reassuring.

 

Convenience was another. Case in point: I had a little pastry I was nibbling on. Kinda like a meat pie I could hold, but with fish! Yum. Mom had purchased it for me when we came back to town with Sasha. This was just… food, which was there, for in exchange for some metal coins I couldn’t eat.

 

Currency and monetary exchange were weird and I don’t care how normal it was for societies.

 

“Gweeeen!” a voice shouted out. A voice that was approaching like a storm.

 

Reflexes kicked in. I whirled, crouched low. A certain blonde haired catgirl was rapidly closing in. I was nowhere near strong or sturdy enough to withstand her tackle hugs. Experience showed this thoroughly. Escaping in a linear direction via running wasn’t an option, either. Zenn was materially much faster than I was thanks to her longer legs.

 

Zenn arrival was imminent. Her arms pumped, eyes were dilated, and her knees already bent. She was milliseconds from leaping at me. A small cloud of dust struck up as she lifted off

 

Solution: I needed to duck and roll out of the way, preferably to the side.

 

Time moved slowly. I saw her outstretched mid-leap. I moved, thighs tensed to throw myself aside and down, but I was moving so slowly while even in this glacial state she was still fast. I didn’t think I was going to make it, but miracle of miracles, Zenn had misjudged. She jumped slightly higher than she intended. She sailed by overhead as I rolled down, letting me skate by a hair’s width underneath. I felt the wind of her passing form as she completed her leap.

 

Realization of what I’d done flooded me as she landed. I’d dodged! I’d actually dodged Zenn for the first—

 

“Gafk!” I grunted as Zenn had, while I’d been distracted, effortlessly pivoted on the soles of her paws, and jumped back at me in one smooth movement. I was tackled to the ground.

 

Stunned, I was powerless as Zenn’s purring began and she rubbed her cheek against mine.

 

“Eliza!” Jonas panted as he ran up, ears folded. “Sorry, Zenn got away from me,” he said apologetically, leaning on a staff he’d gotten from somewhere. I tried to wiggle out from under Zenn but she just held on tighter!

 

Eliza laughed at my predicament. “It’s not an issue, Jonas. Pouncing’s good for the soul.” Eliza shook her hair, ears angled forward inquisitively. “What’s got you up and about, Jonas? I thought the other refugees were still settling in?”

 

“Ah, yes,” he huffed. “The hides and meat sold well, and it looks as if game is good around here. I… I imagine there will have to be news spread to the Spire lord of what happened in the north, but everyone is happy to settle in for now even if Grace is acting as a task master. Evidently there’s good local game here, so they can continue their professions.”

 

Eliza nodded. “As for you?”

 

“Eh, there is always business for someone needing an arm set or a document written. Your own sponsor seems to have the medicine side of things cornered here, but I am finding my own means to care for Zenn,” he said.

 

At this point, Zenn stopped purring and looked up. “Jonas! We need to take Gwen and Elzie fishing with us!” she said and then hopped up. I was left mildly dazed and stunned on the ground.

 

“Fishing?” Eliza looked over Jonas.

 

“There is good fish to be had in the river, or so I’ve been told here by the local fishertoms and mollys. I figured I’d take Zenn out for a bit, catch a bit of dinner, and…hopefully, teach her a degree of patience,” he grumbled. Zenn just grinned, looking at the two of them idly. I sat up and took a bite of my fish pastry that was miraculously fine and intact through the whole puncing experience.

 

“What do you say, Gwen? Wanna show Zenn how good you are at fishing?” Mom asked with a little smile.

 

I knew she was playing me, but I couldn’t resist nodding. Rapidly.

 

Zenn squealed.

 

…

 

Actually, getting to fish took a while. We had to procure rods, hooks, and bait. The bait was easy enough given they were worms we dug up on the side of the river, and the hooks were, well, metal hooks, maybe a bit cruder than what I was used to from the island, but the rods were a bit different. Mom had said back on the island the fishing rods Sandy had were “typical survival gear,” being collapsible rods with a basic line mechanism and loops. The ones here were a lot simpler, made of tomtom branches carved and modified by knife and claw, and didn’t really have a mechanism so much as they had a slight notch at the mid-point to tie the wood, a groove to lay some line, and another notch at the tip to tie the line. The line itself was made of a fine cordage, apparently made from “Silk Weed” which… yeah that didn’t make sense to me, but apparently it was something that grew around here and bugged ember wheat? The sinker wasn’t lead but was a dense little rock while the bobber was a piece of light sandalwood.

 

“There,” I mumble as I finished tying my line. Mom smiled down at me and gave me a pat on the head, long finished with her own rod. Jonas had his own ready and was still helping with Zenn’s own. She looked up and saw my own ready and went dead still. I swear I saw her ears bounce upward and her tail bristle before she tried to rapidly finish tying her line together. This did not work. At all.

 

“Grrr!” Zenn literally growled as her knot failed at being a knot, hook failed to stay on, and line overall was not bound to the fishing rod at all. She looked over at me. I waved, holding up my tied fishing line. Mom doubled over briefly, shaking with a claw over her mouth before she abruptly straightened with a huff. Zenn looked up at Jonas with pleading eyes.

 

Jonas sighed. “Once more, from the beginning,” he said warily, and began showing her how to tie the line step by step, his gray claws dutifully dancing over the line as illustrated how to tie the line.

 

Minutes later, Zenn got it with a triumphant cry!

 

…

 

I looked up at Mom. She had a grin. I mirrored hers. We both didn’t say anything. We’d been done a while ago.

 

We hadn’t fished quite in the village as that was where everyone did their laundry, got their water, and was constantly disturbed by the water mill going steady and strong. All of this was enough that most fish were spooked off. Instead, we went outside Stonetown in the afternoon and followed the river until we came to a promising spot. We found an outcropping that had a little bit of a drop to it made of rock, and setup there. There were several shady spots nearby, even some reeds near the riverbanks, albeit not too many as the water was flowing.

 

With a spot found, I hefted my fishing pole. Its weight was different to the ones I was used to, a bit heavier than the one on the island and I think even the ones in my first life but still seemed solid. It also required a bit of a different style to throw the line out as you had to throw the weight to make the line go out.

 

Jonas spun the sinker, hook, baited worm, and bobber end like a sling for a moment before throwing it out to plop a ways into the water. Mom saw him doing this and frowned. She started the slinging motion for a bit but stopped as the spin wobbled awkwardly on her first try. Instead, she grabbed the weighted end and gave it a good throw. It didn’t go as far out, but she wasn’t far off from Jonas’ own technique.

 

I poked my tongue in my cheek. If Mom couldn’t get the spin thing, I doubted I could. On the other claw, I really wanted to try it. So, I did.

 

It took me a bit to figure out how to spin the line on my claw but eventually I was able to get a wobbly spin going. I let go.

 

I was confused when I saw nothing in the water. No splish, no splash of a line hitting the water, just the wind and gentle flow of water. I then spotted my line going nowhere near the water.

 

I felt a sinking feeling inside that turned into a gaping pit as I took in what I’d done. I’d managed to throw my line at a 90-degree angle and wrapped it around Zenn’s own fishing pole. Zenn stared, then looked at me. “But Gwen, I’m not a fish?”

 

There was silence along the river save the gentle yet steady flow of water. Then, Mom betrayed me. It started with an escaped breath she tried to hold in and soon erupted into giggles that had her doubling over. Jonas chuckled. My face heated up. “Mom!” I pouted.

 

“Sorry Kitten, that…” Mom tried, but ended up giggling all over again.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Zenn grinning. But that had to be my imagination as she was back to looking confused by all the giggling.

 

Much, much later, everyone calmed down, I steadfastly ignored how Mom had betrayed me yet again, and we all had our lines out. I hadn’t managed to throw it very far compared to Mom and Jonas, but I had gone further than Zenn, but she hadn’t seemed too bothered at that point. Now, we just… lazed.

 

Oh, we kept an eye on our lines. All of our ears were perked for any sound or movement in the water. But it was a sunny day, the rock was nice and warm, and we were all cozy, or so I presumed. Jonas had his eyes closed, claw tip on his fishing pole. Mom had her eyes half lidded and glanced over at me every so often. Zenn was really intent on her line, near perfectly still, so maybe she wasn’t so relaxed.

 

Still, nothing was biting, and that was fine.

 

Evidently, thinking that was enough to make a fish angry. Zenn gasped as her bobber went down and she immediately jerked her fishing pole back, starting to draw it in.

 

“Careful,” Jonas said, steadying her. “Slow and steady, just draw the line in, tire him out…”

 

Zenn bit her lip, fangs glinting as she pulled the line in, wrapping it around her claw. Bit by bit, a struggling shadow was pulled in until, with one final tug, she pulled it onto the bank and snagged it.  “I did it!” she shouted, holding a small reddish rustfin up for everyone to see.

 

“Very good!”

“Way to go!”

“Well done!”

 

We all cried something different, but she was really happy, practically vibrating in place now that she had a fish. Jonas helped her unhook it and tossed it in a bucket with a bit of water. “I imagine this fellow will be quite good in tonight’s meal, right Zenn?”

 

Zenn nodded excitedly.

 

Like that, we continued fishing for a while. Mom caught a ‘biter’ fish, which had an eel like head and teeth like a piranha from my first life and was about half as long as her arm. Its scales were dark, but she said they were great in soup. Jonas caught a few perch as well.

 

The afternoon wore on. Mom yawned. “I’m going to go pee,” Eliza said. “Do you need to pee, Gwen?”

 

I shook my head. “No, Mama, I’m good,” I said, eyes focused on my line. I hadn’t even gotten a nibble yet. Zenn knew this and kept looking at me with a grin.

 

A minute later, I groaned. “When am I going to get a bite?” I whined.

 

At this point, almost as if called, I felt a nibble on my line. My ears perked back up and tail bristled. I stood up, ready to begin reeling in once it was on firmly.

 

A shadow rose in the water, nearly the size of Mom’s biter fish from earlier. The nibble soon turned into a full chomp, but I was braced and ready, grip strong on the fishing pole. I reeled the line in, ready to tire it out.

 

…

 

I was not ready for the much, much larger shadow that rose from the murky water. The fish on my line disappeared deep into the other’s gullet and the tug on my pole went from strong but reasonable to monstrous. I was jerked forward. I heard shouts, a scream, and then I was falling.

 

I broke into the water with a tremendous, unplanned splash. I panicked and inhaled. Murky water flooded my chest, and pain stung inside as I coughed again and again. This was soon compounded by a burning lack of air that began intensifying. After a few moments, I opened my eyes and saw light. I swam upward frantically, almost reaching the surface only for something to latch onto my foot, dragging me deeper into the silty, disturbed water.

 

No no no no no no no no not again! I thought, visions of a beautiful face, a lovely face, a face I should trust, a voice I should adore, dancing in my thoughts.

 

Blindly, I flailed, kicking, but it was latched on firmly. It was vague, this deep in the water, but I saw the huge shadow heading for the deepest part of the muddy streambed. It finally let go. I swam up, lungs burning, into the light. I broke the surface and gasped big, beautiful, life-giving lung-fulls of air. “Mama!” I screamed, unable to see clearly from the water in my eyes. I heard someone dive into the water.

 

My hairs, wet as they were, stood on end. I whirled. In the murk, I saw it.

 

A gaping mouth, rimmed with thousands of tiny teeth, an all-consuming abyss framed by distinctive whiskers.

 

It was a freaking catfish. A huge one, at that. Easily twice if not three times my size. It stayed still for a moment, as if orienting itself, then it burst forward. I screamed. Then, I kicked upward, but it didn’t matter. My skin crawled like wiggling bugs of ice were beneath it while my heartrate skyrocketed. Time slowed.

 

Its mouth gaped wider, and I felt what force I had overwhelmed. The currents shifted, and I was dragged into its gaping maw. I tried to scream but couldn’t. I was gagged, choking on water air rushing from me in a wordless scream that formed bubbles that raced for the surface. At the last second I held my arms out. This wasn’t intentional. I flailed, only.

 

I was sunk into its mouth up to my waist. It bit down. Hard. It hurt, my flesh compressing beneath it. A bone might have broken.

 

I panicked. The catfish dove deeper, mouth moving, undulating, gnawing around me. I slipped further into its insides, my tiny claws unable to find purchase on its smooth scales as the light from above faded into a pale dream.

 

I don’t want to be eaten I don’t want to be eaten I don’t want to die I don’t want to die Mama save me please please please please please please—

 

Golden eyes opened on an endless beach. Impressions rushed through me. Great and mighty cats leaping upon deer, bison, great and strange cats in a thousand landscapes and a thousand situations all on the hunt, some even clashing with scaled Titans.

 

The message was clear.

 

You are not prey.

 

I was not flooded with new energy. The catfish did not release its hold as it kept swimming. Instead, I remembered.

 

I had claws.

 

I blindly grasped around the upper part of its head, around the mouth that still gripped me, until I found a little recess. My claws extended. I dug in. Cut.

 

Blood entered the water.

 

The catfish thrashed but didn’t spit me out. I dug my claws in deeper. I didn’t find the left eye, but the right side? Well, I found something soft and squishy parting beneath my claws like jelly as I gouged deeper. If it was going to eat me, it would pay for its meal.

 

A shadow from above came down. I didn’t see clearly, and the lack of air was horrible. My lungs were in agony. I had long since gasped out my last breath of air from the surface. Mama… I thought.

 

I was pulled but the catfish didn’t budge. The shape, the blurry, fuzzy shape, moved, and reached around the catfish’s body. Then, claws glinted. Blood was in the water. Now? It flowed as the shape tore at the monstrous fish’s left side. The gills.

 

The catfish had enough. It spat me out and disappeared into the murk. The lack of air was really bad. My vision was went dark.

 

I felt a tug. Lightening pressure. Light.

 

Air.

 

I gasped or tried to. I coughed up water. Then I did it again. I finally, finally, coughed up the last and breathed in. That breath was the sweetest breath of air I’d ever had in this life enter my lungs. Nothing in my first life compared to it. With air came an ability to think. I opened my eyes, expecting Mom. Instead, I saw Zenn.

 

Her eyes were dilated. She was panicked. I felt her claws poking me. She tried to say something but water splashed in her mouth, leaving her sputtering. I don’t think she even had the breadth to say anything as we splashed, weak.

 

Then another form grabbed us. Mom.

 

Mom was in the water, with us. She dragged us to the shore.

 

“Oh, gods my kitten please be okay please be okay please be okay,” she chanted, fear deep in her voice.

 

I wanted to say I was okay, but I was just  so tired and the soil bank felt so soft, the sun felt so nice. I closed my eyes, just trying to breathe.

 

A splash. I heard footsteps. Something shifted near me. I opened my eyes. Jonas hugged Zenn. He was pale, utterly soaked. He’d left tracks on the bank.

 

“Eliza, I’m—” Jonas began, haggard.

 

“Not. Now,” Eliza growled. Jonas looked down, claws clenched and trembling. In fact, he was trembling all over and breathing heavily. “Gwen, answer me, please, kitten, please please be okay,” Mom said, rapidly.

 

“Mama,” I managed, reaching for her. She gasped. She pulled me close to her. I felt her warmth. I tried to embrace her and could only weakly hug her.

 

“It’s going to be okay, Kitten, it’s going to be okay,” Eliza said, low and in my ear.”

 

“Is… is Gwen okay?” a young, trembling voice asked. Zenn.

 

Slowly, ever so slowly, I lolled my head to look at Zenn, kneeling while Jonas hugged and looked over her. I waved weakly.

 

The action started her so much she looked dumbfounded, and then she grinned, bright as the sun.

 

~~~~

 

There was a party that night. Why? It was a fair question, I thought. A kitten eating fish was in the waters and no one had suspected a thing.

 

But that’s not how it was seen. Instead, we were celebrated. No one died. No one was hurt. I was bruised, but nothing was broken. Fishertoms prowled the river in droves until they found the catfish in the deepest part of the river.

 

To call the fish a monster was not inaccurate because its size, I think, beat out anything my first life ever even heard of.

 

Four meters long. 300kg. They checked. Weighed it.

 

That wasn’t just a kitten eater. It was a cat folk eater at that size. How I’d held onto the edges of its mouth I had no idea.

 

Under normal circumstances, such a large, monstrous catfish would’ve or should’ve been difficult to catch, elusive and strong. But evidently, it wasn’t. Ohhhhh no.

 

Zenn and I, we’d hurt it, badly. I’d gotten one of its eyes and dug in pretty good. Zenn? She’d savaged its left gills beyond repair. It was wrecked and apparently just took a few decently strong catfolk with nets to haul in.

 

Now? It was dinner. A big dinner. All the older molly matrons bickered as they figured out how to roast it properly for a feast.

 

Tables had been set up in town square. Matrons came and prepared food left and right, fisher toms brought extra stuff in for the catch as even a monster catfish wouldn’t stretch to completely feed every single cat folk.

 

I was sat at a table, squirming a bit. Mom was with me, claw on my shoulder. She smiled down at me. Zenn and Jonas were there as well. Zenn was oohing and ahhing as people came and went, bringing more dishes out with every passing minute. I saw bottomless greed reflected in her eyes as her stomach growled. I doubt I was much better.

 

Jonas looked tired, a bit haunted, but kept a small smile on his face when Zenn glanced his way.

 

A stage was set. A band began playing. Some drums, some pipes, and a stringed instrument. I didn’t recognize the style of music, but I felt a primal beat with the drums. Catfolk began stomping to the beat.

 

“Gwen and Zenn!” was chanted by someone. There was a pause. Then it was repeated. “Gwen and Zenn, River monster slayers!!” someone shouted. I gaped. I hadn’t slain it. I’d barely survived. Luck, Zenn, and Idir’s advice were the only reason I still breathed. I wasn’t a monster slayer. It didn’t matter. “Kittens with the strength of heroes!” another voice chanted. I glanced to see the old cookshop woman grinning crookedly at me, her grandson staring wide eyed at her side.

 

“Mama?” I choked. I felt hundreds of eyes on me.

 

Mom stroked my hair. “It’s okay, Gwen. What you did was amazing. You hurt a monster. Why shouldn’t you be commended? Feats deserve recognition,” Mom said, but her voice was a little bitter as she glanced aside.

 

I instantly knew the bitterness wasn’t about me. It was at herself. I shouldn’t have been in that situation, I knew. But I was.

 

A small voice in my head asked, What if she’s right?

 

The hundreds of eyes looking to me, that were still chanting, took on a new meaning. They weren’t looking at a stranger. They were looking at me.

 

Is this what community felt like?

 

My chest felt light and heavy. My eyes were watery. A silence fell over the town. Sasha walked up. She smiled down at us. “Heroes, the both of you,” she said. Zenn beamed. I groaned. Sasha laughed. “And now, the best part,” she said, and plopped down a tray with a large mass of roast meat.

 

I immediately knew what it was. The monstrous catfish’s heart. Zenn licked her lips. I mirrored her.

 

We ate, and I knew joy.

 

~~~~

 

Later, after the party, I was using a bathroom. Not exactly one and a chamber pot, but I could be on my own. My belly hurt from all the food. As soon as we finished one thing, another would be placed before us. I think I tried every single way catfish could be cooked. Period.

 

I reached into my mouth. There, on the sides of my gums, was a piece of mostly unchewed heart meat. It’d been there a while, but even so, it was tough. I pulled it out, and held it in the palm of my claws

 

It wasn’t ideal. It really wasn’t. But I couldn’t share her secret with others, not yet. I owed Idir.

 

Thinking of her name attracted her attention. It was lagging, tired, even wavering, but I knew she was looking at me.

 

“It’s not much. I couldn’t just take the whole heart then and there. But… I saved a piece, for you.”  I held my claw up higher and closed my eyes.

 

Maybe it was my imagination, but I thought I heard a purr. I opened my eyes and the heart piece was gone.

 

I breathed out. I wasn’t sure she’d take it. But she appreciated it, evidently.

 

Progress.

 

That night, I went to sleep. I knew the nightmares were still there. That gaping abyss of a mouth was going to be there. But now, as I drifted off to sleep, the events of the day replaying in my head, I couldn’t help but look to the future. Some of it was still scary, still dark, but…

 

I couldn’t help but dream of a sunlit future.

 

~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 31 Author’s Notes

That is arc 2, people, break out the champagne!

 

But no seriously, surreal to realize I am this far into my work. It’s also a little bittersweet, in a sense, as this is the last chapter with smol Gwen. Oh, we’re not done with her by a long shot, but next time we see her she’s going to have grown a fair bit.

 

Now, I did get some new art! YoruAlice did it again and this time we have artwork of Chapter 16, called, “I Wish I Could Have Known You”.

 

[https://i.postimg.cc/2jhcQPXN/I-wish-I-could-have-Known-You-Chapter-16-art-by-Yoru-Alice-High-Quality.png]

 

We might have a bit of a pause here as I write up some more. I would like have ten more chapters stocked and ready to go, and currently have about five. Progress has been a bit slow, but for a good reason.

 

So I mentioned losing my teaching job? Still bitter about that, but my writing has actually been taking off. I’ve gotten a lot of commissions in, and it’s getting to the point I can about break even with my writing.

 

So, I know this is old, but I must reiterate. Every last bit helps, and I would deeply appreciate it if you like my writing to check out my patreon or, hey, maybe want to commission something from me, that would be great and help me keep writing for all of you, my wonderful readers. Ideally this becomes my mainstream, go to thing and I can keep providing wonderful words for you all. Wouldn’t that be nice?

https://hiddenmasterarchive.carrd.co/