A Reincarnated Soul’s Monologue: About Kayama Esumi 1

If I could ever be reborn, I’d want to be a painter in my next life.

That was a wish I often held during my previous life, back when I still had the consciousness of a "him."

In that past life, I was a far cry from your average Japanese citizen... I was more of a "maniac-level art geek." I’d been immersed in art culture since I was a child, attended a high school specialized in the arts, worked an art-related job right out of university, and spent every weekend traveling to distant museums. Looking back, my life was so thoroughly saturated with art it was almost off-putting.

Unlike other countries where people have a culture of buying paintings to display at home, many Japanese people feel that art is a hobby with a high barrier to entry. From that perspective, my past self probably looked quite abnormal. Well, I suppose the truth is that I was a bit of a deviant.

One day, I was unfortunately caught in a flood, and my life was cut short in an instant. When I came to, I realized that for some reason, I had been reincarnated into the world of Blue Archive. Yes, of all things, I’d been reborn into a video game.

Since I was such an over-the-top, liberal-arts-loving art geek in my past life, no one would have guessed that my next destination would be a world where gunfire and explosions are a daily occurrence—a total "Mad Max" kind of place. Immediately after being reborn, my first thought was that I would have preferred the High Renaissance or some other world overflowing with art.

That said, in my previous life, I was also a "generalist" geek. I enjoyed movies, manga, anime, and games; my range of hobbies was fairly decent—or rather, unexpectedly broad. Naturally, it was normal for me to have three or four mobile games downloaded on my phone, and there were a few I’d played enough to even spend money on. Most of them shut down within two years, though.

Blue Archive was a game I’d probably been playing for several years in my past life, so I was quite attached to it. In fact, thanks to its highly distinctive world-building, I was able to realize my situation almost immediately after reincarnating, which might have been a stroke of good luck. If I had been dropped into a completely unknown world, I might have been too anxious about how to act or survive to even think straight. Because I was lucky enough to be reborn into a game I liked, I was able to accept the reality of it surprisingly quickly.

So, whether it was by divine providence or the mechanics of samsara, I was given a second chance at life while retaining my previous memories. As I mentioned at the start, I decided to fulfill my old dream. I was going to become a painter.

Sad as it is to say, even if I had chosen to be a painter in my previous world, it would have been incredibly difficult to make a living solely through that. Furthermore, I wasn't particularly gifted with any special artistic talent. To make up for that, I would have needed to invest limited time and funds, and even then, I would have needed luck on my side. Eventually, I had settled on the idea of trying for it once I had more stability as a working adult, but then the flood took my life. As someone who had died wishing with all my heart to be a painter in the next life, this reincarnation was nothing but a massive opportunity.

Fortunately, I was born in the Trinity Autonomous District. Among the regions in Kivotos, this was a place where many of the wealthy gathered, and it was famously tolerant and enthusiastic about the arts. As an art geek, I was practically raining tears of gratitude. Unfortunately, there was no one for me to directly express these feelings to. To be honest, if my memories were correct, Wild Hunt Academy for the Arts was supposed to be the most specialized in art, so I did feel a tiny... just a tiny bit of regret.

Still, I had no complaints as long as I could fulfill the dream I couldn't achieve in my last life. Thus, as my first step toward that dream, I started drawing while I was still crawling on all fours. In other words, I began my training. There’s no such thing as "too early" when it comes to working toward a dream, and more importantly, I felt there was a chance I had talent buried within me that I just hadn't noticed yet. To explore that, I felt it was vital to take action immediately.

Naturally, from a common-sense perspective, a baby starting to draw before they can even think straight was bound to surprise my family. Because I spent most of my childhood drawing and neglected interacting with children my age, by the time I reached what would be elementary school age in my past life, everyone around me was deeply concerned, wondering, "Will Esumi ever be able to make friends?"

I feel very sorry for making everyone worry. If I saw a child like that, I’d definitely be worried about their future too.

But despite appearances, I was a former working adult in my previous life. I had experience in sales and customer service—jobs where interpersonal skills are vital—so building close relationships, if not exactly "friendships," was surprisingly easy. Since this is a world where there are only girls... in both a good and bad way, that helped. Since we were still quite young, there weren't any girls engaging in the typical Trinity-style insidious bullying or bragging about their family lineage, but it’s not rare for personalities to change drastically once the environment shifts. So, I made sure to maintain a proper distance to keep relationships moderate. You could say I built a wide but shallow social circle—more than acquaintances, but less than friends.

And so, my childhood was spent balancing just enough social interaction to keep people from worrying with daily training to fulfill my dream of painting.

Eventually, perhaps thanks to those hidden efforts and my outward social skills, an acquaintance introduced me to an art competition hosted by Trinity’s wealthy elite. Apparently, they had gone out of their way to tell me because they knew I wanted to be a painter. I was nothing but grateful. I heard that anyone, amateur or professional, could submit work, but because it was a high-class competition hosted by the wealthy, I was nearly crushed by the pressure of my first experience. It’s a fond memory now, though. Just for the record, I was in middle school back then. I was far too young.

But my hard work didn't betray me. The piece I completed was actually recognized with a "Selected" award. For me, having reincarnated into this world, it was an incredible result for my very first submission of my very first work. People have different definitions of what makes someone a "painter," but for now, I had at least reached the starting line as an apprentice painter. Consequently, I couldn't help but do a little dance when the results arrived, and my family and acquaintances were overjoyed. They almost threw a celebration that would have lasted three days and nights... but I avoided that with everything I had. It would have been a nuisance to the neighbors.

Deep down, I had been aiming for a higher prize, but for a middle school girl’s first submission, the result was nothing if not fair. If anything, the fact that I only placed as "Selected" despite using all my years of effort and past-life knowledge proved that art is a deep and difficult world. Or perhaps, because I used oil paints for a classical subject like an angel, it didn't sit well with judges looking for something new and surprising...

Regardless, for me, it was a more than sufficient start. Certainly, if I had won a higher award, I could have proudly declared my debut as a painter. But the fact that I was evaluated and "selected" was proof that my talent as a painter was recognized by those around me in this Blue Archive world. I was honestly happy.

There was no need to rush. I just had to keep building up achievements like this and grow from an apprentice into a real painter.

I made that resolution in my heart while gazing at my work, which was finally being unveiled to visitors at the venue. Whether it was too unique or too classical, unfortunately, only a handful of visitors actually looked at my piece. Even so, the joy of having people look at "my work" far outweighed any sadness.

Perhaps because my brain was paralyzed by the sentimentality of it all, I stood there in a daze, lingering in front of the painting... and eventually, I realized that Kirifuji Nagisa had been standing there for quite a while, appreciating my work. Or rather, it’s more like I finally noticed her just now.

Um... wait, you were here?! I screamed in my head.

Let me be clear. Even though I was born in the Trinity district of the Blue Archive world, I had completely forgotten about the existence of "Blue Archive characters" like Nagisa until this very moment. It had been wiped clean from my mind, not even occupying a tiny corner of my brain.

But allow me to make an excuse. From the day I was reincarnated until today, I hadn't met a single character from Blue Archive. Not a main character, not even a named side character without a voice actor. It was an almost abnormal situation. Naturally, in the game’s main story, I’d seen text saying "X years ago" or "X days ago." But that was it. I didn't remember ever seeing a calendar year, and I hadn't even seen the concept of a specific date like "Month, Day."

In other words, I, who had been reincarnated into the world of Blue Archive, had absolutely no idea where I was in the game’s timeline. On top of that, not meeting a single character only made my judgment of the situation even worse. Unfortunately, as I spent my days charging ahead as an art-crazy geek just like in my past life, I failed to realize that the more I appeared in public, the higher the chance of meeting them. You could say I simply put off knowing and didn't try to find out.

And here’s the problem. I absolutely do not want to get involved with them.

That’s obvious, isn't it? There was no named character named "Kayama Esumi" in the Blue Archive game I played in my past life. If someone is an art geek trying to be a painter, there’s an entire school called Wild Hunt Academy for the Arts; they should be the ones in the spotlight. I’m the type of gamer who doesn't self-insert into the protagonist; I’m a story-appreciation enthusiast who prefers to watch the narrative unfold from the audience's seats. While I can't help the fact that I’ve been reincarnated, I want to avoid being a character who might influence them as much as possible. Besides, I’m an "all-push" fan who loves every character in the game. I have no intention of showing favoritism to one individual based on unnecessary emotions, and I shouldn't be the cause of changing the foundation of the story.

That’s why I hoped that even if I met a Blue Archive character, I could avoid direct involvement and stick to being a background "mob" character who just shows their face briefly on screen. But reality is cruel. Or perhaps the God of Blue Archive (I don't know if one actually exists) wanted me to get involved with them. Kirifuji Nagisa, who had been looking at the painting, glanced around as if searching for someone, then suddenly turned back toward me as if she’d noticed something.

Hmph, what a wonderfully fateful first contact.

When the girl looking at the painting suddenly looks back, the artist is standing right there. There’s no one else around, a special encounter felt only by the two of them... I felt like punching myself for smiling and thinking that this was a scene I could use for a future creation. Also, seeing Nagisa up close, she’s incredibly beautiful. I almost got lost in her looks. By the way, this first-meeting Nagisa looks much younger and shorter than she does in the main story. She looks like she’s in the middle school section. There’s a high chance she’s the same age as me.

Now... okay, what do I do? I never imagined Kirifuji Nagisa would actually come to an art competition exhibition, so I haven't thought of any countermeasures. It’s my fault for not even considering it, but the information that she was well-versed in art was news to me (or maybe I just hadn't researched it properly). Either way, since I’d forgotten she existed, it was a tall order.

First of all, I can't hide my shock at the startling fact that Nagisa and I are the same age. This means that eventually, I will be a Trinity student and intervene in the Blue Archive main story. For someone like me who wants to remain a bystander, this is a grave situation. How should I avoid this? Should I just say one thing and leave? Maybe it’s best to just blurt out some lazy comment like, "I was looking at this too. It’s amazing, isn't it?" and then retreat. Luckily, we’ve only made eye contact. We haven't exchanged a single word yet.

It’s okay. There’s still a way to escape. Just as I opened my mouth with a smile—

"Are you, by any chance, the artist of this work?"

How did you know?! I haven't revealed my identity or said my name. Looking at me, who has the same young appearance as her, how could she tell I was the painter? I was bewildered. I was in a total panic, completely flustered. True, there’s a plate next to the work with the title and the author’s name, but even if my real name, "Kayama Esumi," was written there with stupid honesty, I didn't think she’d realize the young girl in front of her was the artist at a single glance. Most of the people submitting paintings to this competition are high schoolers or adults.

But a part of me was somehow convinced. I see, so this is the capability of Kirifuji Nagisa, the girl who will later serve as the head of the Tea Party at Trinity General School. Even if her appearance is still young and her voice hasn't quite reached that transparent Saori Hayami-esque tone yet, I have to take my hat off to her observational skills in judging people.

Therefore, I had no choice but to give up on running. It’s incredibly... incredibly frustrating, but there was no way I could bring myself to say "No, it’s not me" while standing in front of the work I’d worked so hard to complete. The deep gratitude toward Nagisa for recognizing me as the artist at a glance clashed with my irritation at my own honesty—being an art geek who couldn't lie in front of a painting even though I wanted to run away. It was exhausting.

"...That's right."

Because too many complicated emotions were mixed together, my voice came out lower than intended. Please don't misunderstand, Nagisa; I’m not actually mad at you. I held back a sigh at my own pathetic display and settled for a shrug of my shoulders.

Well... if we’ve met, then we’ve met. There’s no helping it. While it’s a total miscalculation and not something I wanted, at this point, we’re just acquaintances. I’ll cherish this first meeting with Kirifuji Nagisa as a memory and make sure never to see her again after today. I won't get involved. I decided to treat it as a brief exchange between an artist and a viewer and move toward cutting the conversation short.

"I have fallen in love with your work at first sight. Please, allow me to support you as your exclusive patron."

But she wasn't going to let me escape that easily...!! And of all things, she was bringing up a patron contract to me, a fledgling artist!!

In the course of learning about the concept of art in the world of Blue Archive, I knew that the Trinity Autonomous District was famous for having many wealthy people who become patrons for painters and artists. Whether it’s to expand their family’s influence or as a move in factional politics, they have all sorts of motives, but I’d finally understood that this was one reason why this district was so unusually tolerant of art culture. In that case, it was natural for an "Ojo-sama" like Nagisa, who is one of the wealthy, to bring up being a "patron." I could understand why she’d invite an apprentice painter like me who had been recognized with a "Selected" award. And anyone would be happy to have someone become their patron if it meant they could focus on their artistic hobbies.

But I refuse.

I’ll say it again: I don't want to get involved with the Blue Archive characters. If possible, I want to avoid even interacting with them. I want to stay out of their sight and keep my name from ever reaching their ears. As a former fan, I feel a little moved to be speaking directly with Nagisa, but I must avoid intervening in the "Eden Treaty Chapter" that will eventually come. The same goes for other scenarios; though I’ve forgotten most of the details, it’s the same for event stories and the like.

So, I tried to stay calm and continued the conversation with Nagisa as she threw words at me one after another. Cutting her off unilaterally would leave the worst first impression, and no matter how much I didn't want to be involved, I wanted to part on amicable terms if possible. I decided to keep the conversation going while waiting for the right moment to end it. Though I was surprised when Nagisa started calling this encounter "fate"... You’re quite the romantic, aren't you? That’s unexpected. However, when she brought up the patron thing again, I put my heart into my words of rejection.

"Sorry. No can do."

"...Eh?"

...Wait, don't look so devastated?!

Because she’s a middle schooler, her emotions are showing way too much on her face. I only turned down an invitation, so please don't radiate an aura like "a lover who was just rejected after a confident marriage proposal"!! You aren't supposed to be that kind of character!! I like Kirifuji Nagisa as a Blue Archive character, so it actually hurts my heart when you react like that. I have absolutely no need for the "depressed middle school Nagisa" concept, thank you very much!!

"Don't take it the wrong way. I just want to keep being a painter freely, without worrying about patrons or exclusive contracts... I'll consider it if it's strictly a business relationship, though."

Thanks to that, I ended up making an excuse like some tsundere character who can't be honest... Perhaps it’s a blessing of reincarnating into the Blue Archive world, but I’m quite confident in my own looks (enough that I’ve seriously considered using myself as a model). But including my past life, I’m an adult who’s lived a decent number of years, so playing the tsundere role—even by accident—is mentally taxing.

But the words I said to Nagisa weren't entirely lies.

Given that I’m living in the Trinity Autonomous District, which is full of wealthy people and tolerant of art, having a patron would be the closest thing to success if I wanted to pursue a professional career as a painter. However, that inevitably means entering the protection of that patron and, by extension, joining their faction. It also means a high probability of being told what to paint, what to model, or how to create.

I’m not interested in that. I want to paint as a hobby and pursue art as far as I can as an art geek. I don't want to be chased by deadlines. I don't want to be stuck with limited techniques. I’m not aiming to be a "professional" painter like a tradesman.

Just because I turned down Nagisa’s proposal doesn't mean I’ll choose someone else to be my patron. This is the freedom I choose to enjoy in this second life I’ve been given. So, Kirifuji Nagisa, please give up on me. You have a childhood friend you’re close with, and you’ll eventually have a junior you’ll harbor some heavy feelings for, and more than anything, "Sensei" should be in this world.

So, let’s end my existence here today. If it’s a business relationship, we don't even need to see each other. You can just use an agent.

Farewell, Nagisa. I want to escape now, so I’ll take my leave.

"I—I see... I understand... Oh, in that case, could we be fri—"

"Sorry, but I'll pass on being friends, too. Let's just keep it at acquaintances."

But this girl, without giving up, tried to propose "friends" as a last resort?! Are you invincible?! Is your mental strength that high?! Are you really the same beautiful girl who looked so despairing when I turned down the patron offer?! Why won't you let me just run away!! Also, please stop trying to be my friend. You’re destined to face the "playing friends trauma incident" in the Eden Treaty Chapter later on; don't go trying to carry even more tragedy!! I’m just a crazy art geek who knows how to act like a normal person!! Don't think we can have a proper relationship!!

Since those worries and anxieties flashed through my mind in an instant, I cut her off with quite a bit of force. Fortunately, perhaps sensing something from my desperate rejection, she didn't seem as shocked as when I turned down the patron proposal. She gave a small nod and said, "...Okay."

Good. I wanted to avoid parting ways in a way that would leave a wound in her heart, but thinking about the future, this was the only way, so please forgive me. Honestly, though, having that face be the last thing I see leaves a terrible aftertaste... but I can't take back what I’ve said now. Feeling incredibly sorry for creating a parting that wasn't exactly amicable, I gave her a one-sided goodbye and left the scene in what was basically a run.

At the very least, I prayed that happiness would find her in the future.

A few days later, there stood Kirifuji Nagisa with a beaming smile, offering an "evil" invitation that was far too tempting: "Would you like to visit an art museum together? I’ve rented out the entire museum for the sake of our further education."

By the way, I immediately replied, "I’ll go!" without even a second’s hesitation. I am such an idiot.