Chapter 1: End

Ah
The moon is beautiful today

Looking up at the empty sky devoid of light.
There lies a  moon, 62° degree from It's apparent path.

Where did everything go wrong?

Was it when I refuse to listen

Was it when I dropped out of college

Was it when I refuse to do anything 

Was it when I refuse to improve my life

Was it when I refused to move

Was it when I refuse to live life
Was it when I refuse to enjoy life
Was it when I refused to seek help

Yes
I started it...
I deserved it, but why can life be so cruel to me?
What did I do? Is it so wrong to be ignorant?
What did I do wrong?

Sigh 
What  am I doing in life.

Gazing at the night sky,in the lonely summit, fields with mushy green trees.

The ambient low light, the low breeze, and the quiet sound of darkness

Make me realize how *alone* I truely am.

@

Ah,

Drowning down another drink on my throat to distract myself from sorrow

To distance myself, from myself
To blame all my faults on rhetorical things, that I myself cause.

Ahh,

Resting my head along the top head of the bench.

'What a beautiful moon, I feel at peace,
All by myself on this quiet night, this feels nice, no people, no problems, just me'

2 more until the end, what should I spend my time on?

Ha
What more could I ask, other than to gaze at your beauty, to spend my time
On selfish things, is what I die for,
So can't you give me the time?

Fiddling through my packet, to find a cigarette and a lighter.

'This is the first time I'm doing this'

Click

What a beautiful fire, gazing at its mesmerizing movement for a while, before finally lighting it.

Putting it in my mouth

'I've been doing this,but haven't actually done it'

Ah feeling a weight release in my shoulder

I look at the moon again

Cough cough

Just closing my eyes to feel the unsettling peace that this gives me.

Cough

Sigh...
Lightly throwing the cigarettes, it's fire extinguished in the grass.

'Is it so wrong to be selfish for once?,
Is it so wrong to break once belief in the face of death?, everyone is human too'

'Fuck..., I'm a miserable piece of sht, 
I fucking hate myself'

'fuck why'
'why'
'what did I do wrong... Fuck'

Another tear fell down, the smooth shade of brown in the middle of the bench, now a messy mess from the past hour.

Hieeek,
Huuuu,
Ahhhk,

All alone in solitude, in the side of the mountain there is a man, crying like a child. 

As to why there might be a bench and as to how that person came to know,
Might be the last piety life could give.

Ahhh god.

Greedily drinking another coke from the side.

"Haaaaaaa..."

Briefly closing my eyes, I was once again reminded how peaceful the night is.
And how eerie it is, and yet that same eerieness gives me peace.

"Haaaaaa..."
Feeling a swirling emptiness in my heart
Grasping it, to feel how hollow  it must be.
 
'what does it matter...'
'it doesn't matter anyways,does anything matter?'
'life is so precious, fuck' *sob*
'I don't wanna die, and yet I don't want to live either'

The vast void, hiding in one's eye, gives immense peace in this brightfull and hateful world.

If the truth hurts, and lies must be kind.

Then is this comfort a lie?

"Haaaa..."
Opening my already sunken eyes.

The dark and many shades of green; the intrinsic value and beauty a tree has,
It's slow movement by the wind,
the slow fall of each disperse leaves.

How beautiful...
'nature... Truely is amazing'

The slight rustle the night breeze gives.

The little grass at the side, it's light shade of green.

I don't know you much and think of you in anytime in my life, but tonight.
I came to appreciate you.

The soft And hard material that I've been leaning on; in this lonely deserted part in the world, in the peak, close to a cliff, for whatever reason you were there.

'haaaa'

The night sky drawing my eyes in, like the abyss tempting me to stare at it for eternity, it's  infinite nothingness is  an evil gods whisper.

My last drink 

Sipping it slowly, slowly...

'hah...'

Sipping it again

'haah'

And again

'...'

What a beautiful day

I want a rest, a final rest.

I lied

Rummaging through my bag, a liquor I bought.

Couldn't I be selfish for once? 
Give me another drink.

Time to go

Leaving behind everything, except the last thing I swore to not break until I die.

I guess it must be okay now.

Only 200 meters
200 meters until the last

...
...
...
Finally at the edge of the cliff

'I've completely avoided drinking in my whole life, to not follow someone, to not be the same as-'

But let me be selfish for once.

I'm not ignorant, but this must taste like shit?, but still... I still want to experience it.

Plop

Opening the gin, on it's label it reads "Gordon's, London dry gin"

I don't know if my tolerance is even good. So let's do it fast...

No mix, no ice, nothing

Just the bitternest, harness, and nothing to cool it down.

'fuck, fuck, Fuck agggghhhhh'
'SHIT, it FUCKING hurts,'

being too occupied by the pain,
I was not able to balance myself
From the steep edge.

I slipped

Ah
Even in death... It's the same, a choice that was not done by me

The moon now 90° degrees at it's path

Ha

How beautiful 

"..Luna..."