Oneshot End

I fell in love with my senior when I was in my first year of high school.

She was a senpai in the same art club. She had beautiful, long black hair and refined, somewhat androgynous, beautiful features.

I was captivated by the way she painted; it was so beautiful that I fell in love with her at first sight.

Of course, Senpai was a woman. And I'm also a woman... or rather, a girl.

I don't have the same refined features as her. I'm more often told I'm cute.

I have short black hair, and I was the kind of girl who didn't stand out much at school—what you might call plain.

So, for me, Senpai was someone I had a crush on, someone I admired, but we weren't lovers, not even friends, and I wasn't even sure if we were acquaintances.

The opportunity for us to meet came in the fall of my first year.

That day, I was picking up fallen leaves and sketching them.

Our art club was a fairly free-spirited club; we could draw anything we wanted, and we basically never got in trouble for what we did.

I've always loved autumn scenery and often drew pictures related to autumn.

"That's really good."

"Thank you... wait, whoa?!"

I heard a voice from behind me, and as I turned around, giving a vague reply, I saw my beloved Senpai. She looked surprised at my surprise and bowed awkwardly.

"I'm sorry. I called out to you so suddenly... you've been drawing so intently lately, I got curious."

"N-no...! Actually, I was happy you called out to me! I've wanted to talk to you for so long!"

My first year was almost over. Up until then, my relationship with Senpai was limited to occasionally exchanging greetings.

Therefore, I didn't want to miss this moment, and I wanted to have a more intimate conversation than just greetings, so I tried to convey my desire to talk to her.

My voice was shaky, my face was red, and my heart was pounding.

So right now, I'm incredibly pathetic, and I'm completely in love.

Even in that state, my feelings seemed to have reached her, and Senpai smiled kindly.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you too. Do you like autumn?"

"Yes. The autumn leaves are so beautiful, and it's not too hot, and not too cold!"

"Hehe, that's true. I can tell you like autumn from your drawings."

Senpai said this in a gentle voice while looking at the contents of my sketchbook.

Just talking, just showing each other drawings—that's something other friends do, and it's common in senpai-kouhai relationships.

But for me, this time... it felt as if Senpai had become my lover, and it was a very happy time.

"If you don't mind..."

"Um, well...! What is it?!"

"Oh, nothing. Actually, I'm planning to paint the scenery in a nearby park this coming weekend, but I'll be lonely by myself, so would you like to come along?"

"What?! Really?!"

"Of course. And if we have any extra time, let's go eating out together."

"Y-yes!"

It was just a friend's invitation. It's common among girls.

I know that. But even so, I decided to think of that day as a date.

After that date, our relationship changed from acquaintances to friends.

From then on, I spent a lot of time with Senpai.

We made many memories. We painted many happy moments.

But those days ended so easily.

No, that's wrong. They didn't end. They just hadn't begun.

"Senpai! Let's go home together again today!"

It was around the time I was in my second year and she was in her third year.

As I was about to walk home with her as usual, she apologized with a regretful, yet embarrassed, expression.

"I'm sorry. Um... I'm going to be walking home with my boyfriend starting today."

"Huh? You have a boyfriend, Senpai?"

"Y-yesterday... he confessed to me. He's someone I've liked for a long time, and I thought it was impossible for me, but he confessed to me... and we're now a couple."

"Oh, really! Um... congratulations!"

"Thank you. So I'm sorry we can't walk home together."

"N-not at all!"

She still seemed embarrassed, her face red as she smiled and left.

The person I like has a boyfriend. It's not that I hadn't considered that possibility.

But I thought that was something for the future, and for now, I thought I was the only one who could spend time with Senpai.

"That's right... of course. I'm a girl, after all."

That was as far as I could go. The moment I said that, tears quietly began to fall.

Confessing my feelings was impossible.

I'd always told myself that confessing would only cause trouble for Senpai, so I hid my feelings.

But the truth was different.

What I truly feared was being disliked.

I was afraid of being told that it was weird for two girls to like each other.

"I know Senpai is not that kind of person. Even so... confessing isn't easy."

I said only that and left the clubroom, just like Senpai.

Before I knew it, I was in a park. It was the park where Senpai and I had gone on a date.

It was autumn, and the autumn leaves, illuminated by the setting sun, were beautiful. I was gazing at them absentmindedly.

"Is that... Senpai?"

This was Senpai's favorite place. Of course, it wasn't surprising to see her here.

Senpai was sitting on a bench in the distance. And beside her was a kind-looking man.

I'd seen this man several times before, and even spoken to him.

He was probably Senpai's boyfriend.

Senpai and her boyfriend were talking about something. It was too far away to hear clearly, but I could see Senpai's expression distinctly.

Her expression was incredibly happy; her face was flushed, and at times she smiled softly—all expressions I'd never seen before. The expressions reserved for the her lover.

"Senpai... congratulations,"

I whispered quietly, tears streaming down my face.

★

After that, I tried to live as if nothing had happened.

I had been heartbroken, so I tried to forget about her.

It was a month later that I was called to that park after school.

"Senpai, what's wrong? Why did you call me out here?"

(It felt like a confession.)

I thought to myself, how foolish of me.

Even though I knew it wasn't true, I felt stupid for still hoping.

"I'm sorry if I've upset you. I just really wanted to apologize one last time."

"Apologize?"

"I recently noticed something. When I talk about my boyfriend, you make a pained, sad face."

Hearing that, I felt depressed. I thought I had hidden my feelings for her, but it seems Senpai had seen right through me.

I braced myself and waited for her words, and in response, she spoke his mind.

"Do you like my boyfriend?"

"....Hah?"

Ah, I see. I can't even handle a normal heartbreak.

Did I do something so bad? Is it really so wrong to like Senpai?

Senpai seemed to realize from my reaction that she'd said something wrong, and she looked embarrassed.

"I-I'm sorry. I seem to have said something completely different. If you liked my boyfriend, I thought I'd done something wrong and wanted to talk about it—"

I hugged her as she murmured. It wasn't that I hated the idea of ​​my love being unrequited. I had come to terms with it.

But I didn't want this love, these feelings, to be misunderstood.

"The one I like is you, Senpai."

I said, laughing, and immediately ran away.

It's a love that can't be fulfilled, a love that won't be reciprocated. But more than that, I couldn't bear the thought of Senpai's face, her voice, rejecting me.

That's why I'm running away.

I desperately try to get away from this park.

But then Senpai grabbed my arm, gently turned me around, and hugged me tenderly.

"I'm sorry, Senpai. I'm sorry for falling in love with you."

"Don't apologize. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry."

Senpai whispered softly and gently stroked my head.

But it was definitely not as a lover, but as a junior, as a friend, comforting me.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice your feelings. I'm sorry I couldn't understand your feelings..."

All I could do was cry at her apology. My feelings for her were painful, and her kindness was painful.

But I still loved her, and so many feelings of love overflowed as tears.

"I still love you, Senpai."

"I'm sorry. I have someone I like, someone I'm dating... so I can't be with you."

I knew it.

But thanks to Senpai properly rejecting me, I was finally able to get over my heartbreak.

"But... thank you."

"Huh...?"

"I was happy you liked me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I pouted, tears streaming down my face, at Senpai's words.

I'd always thought she would hate me.

So, even though I'd been rejected, her words of happiness made me feel a little relieved.

★★★

That was my first love.

Even now, in autumn, when I come to this park, I suddenly remember her.

"It's been ten years already, hasn't it?"

I murmured, holding the hand of my girlfriend beside me.

Ten years have passed since then. I started dating another woman I met at university.

She was completely different from Senpai. While she had long black hair, everything else about her—her face was pretty, and her personality—wasn't as strong-willed as Senpai's; she was a timid, quiet girl.

But the feelings I had for her were the same feelings I had for Senpai.

I was looking at the beautiful red autumn leaves with her. We were laughing together, saying how pretty they were, when suddenly I saw someone familiar.

That person noticed us too, and with a happy look on her face, she ran towards us.

"Senpai, it's been a while!"

"It has. But we see each other quite often here."

I still see Senpai like this occasionally. But today, I'm with my girlfriend, and that was the first time.

When my girlfriend saw Senpai, she quickly pulled her hand away.

"Who is that?"

Senpai seemed curious about the girl beside me and asked me.

My girlfriend cried out in a panic.

"I, I'm... well—"

"My lover! She's my girlfriend!"

I picked up her hand again and said proudly, and Senpai smiled happily.

"I see, congratulations!"

"Thank you!"

That was the extent of our conversation.

Senpai and I didn't talk any further, and I walked through the park with my girlfriend, whose ears were bright red.

"Is that... your ex-girlfriend?"

She asked me worriedly, a little jealous.

I stroked her head to reassure her.

"No, she was my Senpai. But she's a very kind and wonderful Senpai."

I just said that and smiled.

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>THE END<