About Kayama Esumi 3

I wonder what I was doing when I was sixteen in my past life.

I certainly wasn't a painter, that is for sure. I wasn't a celebrity whose name echoed through society, nor did I have wealthy young heiresses constantly throwing themselves at me, asking to be my patron. And I definitely wasn't living an extraordinary life where I casually carried a gun or occasionally fired it during fights and riots.

If there was a single commonality, it was that I belonged to the art club, but I never served as president, and I never had disciples who admired me. I didn't get asked for handshakes in the hallways, nor did anyone ask for my autograph or photos.

If anything, in my past life, I was the type to huddle in the corner of the classroom with close friends, passionately discussing games, movies, and my beloved art. I would occasionally spend a long time receiving guidance or debating with the art teacher whom I truly respected, but that was hardly an unusual scene.

When I think about that, I have certainly changed since reincarnating into this Blue Archive world... or perhaps it is more accurate to say I am living a life overflowing with surprises. It is not as if I have only just realized this, but honestly, when I am constantly involved with Blue Archive characters as quirky as Nagisa and the others, it becomes easy to mistake this for a normal world.

Just last year, things had finally calmed down after the Sanctus sub-branch and the crime groups involving all of Kivotos had been dealt with. I thought I could finally return to days spent simply painting, balancing that with my side job as an information broker, but the world refuses to let me be. To save the art club, which had no hope of resuming activities, I had to engage in an information war with the Tea Party. Then, in the catacombs abandoned for years, I happened to encounter Maestro—one of the members of Gematria—and stumbled into events leading up to the Eden Treaty arc. The world is dragging me into that spacetime whether I like it or not, ignoring my strong desire to stay away from the original story.

Of course, that is not all. Recently, Seiya has taken to begging me to visit her three or four times a week for some reason; Mika comes by to hug me and drag me along to play whenever she has a free moment; and Nagisa, having developed a taste for it after that whole anniversary business, has started calling me more often. I have built relationships that are far too intimate to be called merely acquaintances with each of those three.

Honestly, it is laughable. I boasted so much that I would not get involved with Blue Archive characters and that I would not become an existence that influences the main story, yet my relationships with the very three people who spark the chaos of the Eden Treaty arc are only deepening.

Ah, I know. I understand. If I wanted to, I could sever ties with those three. I could abandon Seiya, saying I have done enough, reject Mika who comes to play again and again, ban her from visiting, and choose someone other than Nagisa as a patron, turning my back on her to walk away. If I took that choice, I could cut off my relationship with them in an instant.

Of course, that would inflict unimaginable emotional damage on them. Depending on how you look at it, it would be a betrayal. But originally, I am an existence that should have had nothing to do with them. By common sense, it would be the correct choice.

And yet, I find myself rejoicing in and enjoying my interactions with those three in some corner of my heart. Even though my brain tells me that if this relationship continues, it might influence the Blue Archive main story to no small degree.

Honestly, I am in trouble. As I spend time with these Blue Archive characters—people I loved equally in my past life—my resolve, which should have been set in stone, has begun to waver without me even realizing it.

I feel it, too. Every time I take care of Seiya, my protective instincts are stirred and I find myself wanting to cherish her. When I chat or hug Mika, despite being baffled by her impulsive behavior, I am filled with a strange warmth. Above all, my interactions with Nagisa... I don't know how to describe it, but it feels like a sensation akin to happiness takes hold of my body, and I sometimes fall under the illusion that I am tasting the joy of being with someone I love. It is a mystery. Perhaps it is because Nagisa is the only one who faithfully respects my promise not to "get involved unnecessarily," compared to the other two, that the joy of seeing her after a long time is so profound. It is annoying to feel like I might be harboring romantic feelings for her, though.

Nagisa is Nagisa, after all. Whenever she sees me in person after a while, her eyes always sparkle, and she goes out of her way to prepare handmade bitter roll cake, always asking for my thoughts. Since she is a huge fan of roll cakes, I have never once thought they tasted bad; they are far more delicious than anything served in a shop. And every time I tell her that, Nagisa just nods with a smile and says nothing. The truth is, I have recently found myself unable to look directly at that smile she directs at me, which is very troublesome, but that is a secret. But why is it? I am self-aware enough to know that I am not exactly lacking in the beautiful girl department, yet every time I see Nagisa smile, heat gathers in my ears and cheeks, and my heart starts pounding on its own.

By the way, it has become a routine for Mika, who is sometimes present, to watch our interaction with interest and chime in with, "Nagi-chan and Esumi-chan, you two are like a new couple!" Nagisa always blushes and frantically denies it. I always deny it too, because it makes me self-conscious in a weird way, but I have yet to see a memory where she actually holds her tongue.

By the way, in the corner of my vision, Cheri, Nagisa's attendant and my apprentice in art, is almost always clutching her chest and sinking to the floor. It seems she pours excessive passion into the Esumi x Nagisa ship, and every time she witnesses even a slight "precious moment," she looks like she is about to die. She is a sickly girl who easily falls ill with colds and high fevers, so I worry about her, but she says she is fine, so lately I have just started looking the other way. When I look back on it like this, I feel like I am enjoying a new life that I did not have in my past life, even after being reincarnated.

That said, I am a second-year student now. If things go according to plan, I will graduate from Trinity General School before the main story begins. At that point, I will just be treated as a former student—"Oh, there used to be a student named Kayama Esumi..."—which should be the extent of it. If I were on the level of the "Thunder Emperor" who caused such a huge uproar in Gehenna recently, I would be talked about forever as a student who did something unbelievable in history, for better or for worse, so I intend to keep my actions as inconspicuous as possible.

Well, in any case, there is not much school life left. I intend to enjoy my own version of youth, "Blue Archive," while drawing to my heart's content as a painter, without any injuries or scandals.

Oh, and one last thing.

The matter of my right hand—the price I paid in exchange for becoming a painter—well, I had it checked by my doctor recently, and it seems the condition has deteriorated significantly. The pain has increased, and the medication I usually take is becoming less effective. The doctor says it might come this year or next year, but either way, it is certainly not a bright piece of news.

Well, this is my second life, after all, and I have achieved a dream I once could not reach. It is the price I paid after the effort I made in exchange for that dream, so it is only natural that I would reach my limit. Happiness always comes with misfortune... That is why I intend to properly accept the reality that will eventually arrive.

The moment when Kayama Esumi's life as a "painter" comes to an end.