Chapter 46: Fear

“Gwa-bagobogogogabababababa!!!!!!”

“Hm… so it takes about three minutes to gain the ability to breathe underwater. Even after you ‘adapt’ once, you still need repeated experiences before it fully stabilizes. That’s… rather difficult to work with.”

I was currently undergoing—well, torture… or rather, an experiment in Carol’s private research room. I had been sealed inside a water sphere she created, testing the third ability of the Sacred Sword: “Adaptation.”

Given that I needed to understand exactly what kind of power it was, this was absolutely necessary. However, being repeatedly thrown into a suffocating environment still took a toll on me mentally in all sorts of ways.

Well, if something like this was enough to break me, I wouldn’t have survived the “Forest of Magic Mist” in the first place. The fact that I endured and overcame that ordeal had definitely given me a certain confidence. There can’t be many people who’ve been killed over a hundred times and lived to talk about it.

“Haa… haa… So? Did you figure anything out?”

“Hm… well, I already knew it was an extraordinary magical tool, so it’s not exactly beyond expectations. But the more I test it, the more I’m impressed by how absurdly beyond standard it is.”

Yeah, I get that. If “Adaptation” means you can breathe underwater and avoid drowning, then it’s already beyond what a human—or even a land-based creature—should be capable of. It’s not like gaining extreme lung capacity; you literally just… breathe underwater. Calling it “out of scale” isn’t wrong at all.

And the fact that this is only a fraction of its abilities is even more shocking. If I factor this into combat strategy, my options would expand dramatically.

“…I can pretty much guess what you’re thinking, but only someone a bit unhinged would think that way. Even this experiment—most people would be traumatized just from being pushed to the edge of suffocation, even if they know they’ll be fine.”

“If I don’t go through this, I can’t reach the future I want. It’s just a matter of doing it now or later. If I can steel myself, doing it now is better.”

Besides, I’ve already died by suffocation once at the hands of the elf standing in front of me. That experience made it easier to brace myself. It was painful, agonizing, and absolutely not a way I ever want to die again—but having gone through it once created a strange tolerance in me for being pushed right up to the brink.

Yeah… I probably am breaking somewhere, like Carol said. Or maybe I’m simply “adapting” to combat itself.

That might not be something a person should become, but right now, it’s something I absolutely need. And I also have confidence that I’m being held together by the people around me. If Hikari is beside me, pulling me forward, and Alicia is behind me, showing me where home is, then I believe I can remain myself.

“The physical reinforcement from your second ability has also increased significantly. In terms of speed alone, you can now match or even surpass your movement speed from when you used ‘Dark Star’ during your fight with the spear user.”

“Ah, that’s helpful. That technique requires setting up ‘Dark Stars’ everywhere, and it’s a pain. More importantly, it’s extremely vulnerable to counters.”

“If someone planted a spear in your path while you’re moving, you’d get skewered and die instantly.”

A bit of pain or injury is manageable. I’ve endured losing arms and legs before, so that much is fine. But if something hits my heart, it’s instant death.

If I can reduce that risk while increasing speed, it’s a huge advantage in combat. After all, speed is a legitimate weapon.

……Even so, I can’t say I like the feeling that I’m using bonds with Hikari and the others purely as combat enhancements.

“…I’ve seen many people wield powerful magical tools and get consumed by them. I think it’s also a form of strength not to rely on that power too much.”

“Yeah, that’s true… but only if I were in a situation where I could afford that.”

Right now, the Yaranli Kingdom has me locked on. Even if I survive this “Royal War,” there’s no telling what they’ll do next. I need strength—no matter what.

I had managed to persuade Carol to cooperate and begin evaluating my current abilities, but…

Even though she had agreed, she still watched me with concern. From her perspective—someone who has seen countless people and countless lives—I probably looked extremely unstable.

I didn’t know how to reassure her. No matter what I said, she would likely continue worrying. That was probably also why she had chosen to live in the remote “Forest of Magic Mist.”

In other words, she was extremely human—someone who worries about others even without deep ties.

“Haa… I feel like continuing this conversation is pointless, so I’ll stop. More importantly, I wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it? A recommendation for places where couples hang out?”

“Only a single, lonely idiot would care about that.”

How rude. There are definitely people who gather information for the future when they might have a partner. I even talked about this endlessly when some journalists came to interview me the other day, and they ended up saying, “We get it, seriously sorry, please stop.” Of course, Hikari hit me on the back of the head afterward to shut me up. I still remember the journalists awkwardly pressing their hands together in gratitude.

“No, it’s about the names of your Sacred Sword abilities. Constantly calling them First Ability, Second Ability, and so on is a bit dull, don’t you think? You name your magic like ‘Dark Star,’ but leave the sword abilities unnamed—that’s inconsistent.”

“Eh… but naming them now feels kind of pointless… and it’s a hassle.”

“It’s necessary. You need to declare that you are the master of that magical tool called the Sacred Sword. Otherwise, it will gradually consume you.”

“Consume me?”

That was a dangerous way of putting it. True, whenever I used this sword’s power, it drained my magic like water flowing from a tap—so much so that it made sense why its activation conditions included both magical capacity and regeneration speed.

Still, it was worth it for this level of power. Machines—or magical tools—don’t function without fuel.

“…So you really don’t realize it. I only noticed because I took a closer look.”

At some point, Carol’s eyes had shifted from their usual gray to glowing emerald. Normally I would have thought it was beautiful—but now it felt ominous.

The problem wasn’t her. It was me.

Her earlier words—“consumed”—were now linking to something inside me that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

“Every time that sword’s abilities expand… your memories are being consumed. The memories of your past life you used to remember—you can barely recall them anymore, can you?”

Though phrased as a question, her tone was certain. And that certainty gave shape to a vague discomfort I had been feeling recently.

Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t been actively recalling the past lately—not just because I was busy. No, it was more accurate to say I had stopped trying to remember it at all.

I could still recall things if prompted, but as Carol said, I had already forgotten things I once believed I could never forget.

Even the name of a game I absolutely loved—I couldn’t remember it anymore.

It felt like parts of me were being shaved away without me noticing.

“…I see. That’s definitely a problem.”

Even so—still, still, still—I wouldn’t hesitate.

The past might be forgotten, but the future is still ahead. And if there are people who want to walk that future with me, then I can’t afford to stop.

If I stop here for the sake of the past, I won’t be able to face them anymore.

“…No hesitation at all, huh. I expected it, but you’re even more of an idiot than I thought.”

“I might not remember what I’ve forgotten, but I still remember what remains. How I met Hikari, how my mother scolded me endlessly, how I got excited watching dog-and-cat couples. That’s enough for me.”

“…I’m not sure whether I should be concerned about that last one.”

Memories may fade, but their effects remain. My current hobby is observing the swallows nesting in the royal castle and writing detailed records of their parenting behavior. Watching them tirelessly bring food back and occasionally flirting as a pair is surprisingly enjoyable. I’m used to the knights training nearby sighing, “He’s doing it again…” whenever they see me observing them.

“So idiocy really doesn’t get cured even after death… Anyway, back to the topic. There is meaning in naming the Sacred Sword’s abilities.”

“Like… preventing my memories from being consumed?”

Carol nodded softly.

To be honest, I was still skeptical. I trusted her, but I couldn’t see how simply naming something would prevent memory loss.

“Giving something a name is a declaration that you are the one above it. Especially for a magical tool like this Sacred Sword—it’s necessary.”

“This is the first I’ve heard it has self-awareness… or maybe I just forgot that too? But yeah, the one who names something is usually the one in control.”

So naming it is a way to make it recognize that I am its master. There might be other methods, but I don’t have the time or luxury to explore them.

“The previous Sword King probably did the same. Otherwise, he couldn’t have controlled something this unruly. Honestly, the fact that it flies back to you when you put it down somewhere is already ridiculous. As a researcher, it’s fascinating.”

“If I leave it too far in the bathhouse, it literally flies back at me. I really needed to get used to its range fast—it’s definitely a wild horse.”

The first time it happened, I was so surprised that the sword hilt smacked me in the face. Hikari rushed in after hearing my scream, only to scream even louder at the sight of me—completely naked. That’s a memory I would very much like to forget.

“Alright then… let’s show this thing who’s in charge.”

Carol smiled, her expression almost intimidating.

I instinctively shivered.

She was definitely angry—but not at me. Probably at the fact that my memories were being eaten away.

And that realization made me laugh, even as a chill ran down my spine.