Chapter 19:

Chapter 19

~~~~Tai Su~~~~

What is the value of a human life?

The answer is as always what are you willing to pay or sacrifice for it, or what it’ll get you and this hasn’t changed from my past life to this one. For me, the price was a good night’s sleep as my reward after I’ve killed four individuals that threatened me and right now I was looking at them as I’ve awakened.

It used to be higher once upon a time, but not anymore it seems, if anything it feels that I was scammed somehow.

“They don’t have anything on them but the clothes on their back and their spears.” Da Xiu observed from my side.

That was the least important part of what he should have observed, yet it was the one thing I cared for too.

“All of them used to have backpacks at the very least or leather bags too.” I replied numbly.

My spear what at my side, with it’s smaller tip impaled deeply into the soft ground. After yesterday, the lesson of never being without your weapon in the field rang truer than ever.

I knew I should be feeling more than I am feeling now but I don’t. I look at the corpses of four people I helped kill and all I am feeling is curiosity at the fact they can’t speak tell me why they no longer have their supplies on them.

There’s no feeling that this is a waste of life, or mourning, just a numb feeling of ‘I can’t get anything out of this.’ as that’s the most important thing to think when you look at the corpse of four people that if circumstances were any different I would have fought side by side with.

“There weren’t any hidden nearby?” I asked.

The larger man shook his head.

“No, Bao Xiaoli went to search early in the morning as you and Ya Xue were fast asleep from the alchemical concoction taking a lot out of both of you. No hidden stashes, she found their trail and they’ve been moving in a straight line almost.” He answered.

He was frowning and so was I. This didn’t make much sense for them to be like this normally. Even if they ran out of food so fast they wouldn’t just throw their own backpacks.

“They had their own resources stolen, or they had to abandon them." I said finally.

It’s the only answer that made sense and neither of those options made me happy.

“Probably. Are you alright?” Da Xiu asked.

He noticed something was wrong too.

“I don’t feel any regret or pity when I look at this.” I admitted simply.

Four bannermen dead and I am thinking more about why they don’t have resources to pilfer after they tried killing me.

“Qi.” He said simply.

I turned towards him to ask what he meant and then I recalled it myself. Teacher Hao Wen’s warnings echoed through my mind.

‘All of the power in the world is not worth it if you're not yourself at the end of it.’

Her echoes went through my head and I looked deeply into myself and noticed something I wasn’t consciously aware of. There was Qi in my body now, a small amount, but my Dantian turned from something I was only intellectually aware of to something that I actually felt.

I could even attract some Qi into it by focusing on a feeling of emptiness. I felt how the tips of my meridians left my body, how they split at the end around my body and especially my fingers and toes and how they slowly pulled in Qi. I felt how it traveled through them all, I felt the warmth of Qi coursing through my body until it settled in my diaphragm and it felt good. It felt as if I just ate a hearty meal and was now both full and craving for more.

I was now a cultivator and I was already going mad from power in the most literal sense.

“The path to power is not a slippery slope but a heaven’s damned crater.” I muttered silently to myself.

I thought teacher referred to a slow steady loss of morals as one grew more desperate to advance, not this sudden cliff where the moment you can cultivate you lose your care for the deaths of strangers.

How do cultivators even have a civilization if this just happens? How do you get used to acting without regret or even doubt? How do those people that can create storms and shatter mountains think when they look at the rest of us? Are we even a consideration to them or are we just something that exists and they care not if we die or not if they can’t get anything out of it?

‘Will I become the same?' I wondered fearfully.

I shuddered, I guess I’ll find out if I survive this trial.

“I didn’t hear what you said brother.” The big lug of a man said.

“Do you think they were capable of cultivating too and that’s why they just went and fought like that?” I asked simply and ignored his question.

He shook his head and took a thinking pose.

“Maybe, my grand uncle told me that cultivation doesn’t change you, it simply removes that part of yourself that makes you feel bad about your actions. You are yourself, but without regrets, without doubt but still as loving, still as fearful and still as greedy or benevolent. It certainly does not feel like that though.” He answered.

SO he had a cultivator in the family? From what I heard from teacher I am not sure if that's a blessing or a curse.

I looked at his face, at the same focused eyes I knew I would find on my own face and a realization hit. He was wondering the same things I was and feeling the same things.

“You can feel it too, your dantian.” I accused.

“Yes, in-between my lungs and stomach.” He admitted.

“Same.” Was my only answer.

How do you make sense of the fact that you were a different man yesterday?

“What now?” Da Xiu asked and awaited for me to answer.

I didn’t know. Oh I knew what we would be doing next, we would go south pass this test and then go on to become cultivators, but there was a more pressing question now.

“How are the girls?” I asked and got the core of the issue.

“Yu took what happened last night with the least issues as she’s killed before and had time to center herself to it, she’s keeping Bao Xiaoli and Ya Xue company and helping them with processing what happened, especially Ya Xue, she took it the hardest it seems.” He answered seemingly without judgment.

I knew there was some, otherwise he would not have said as the man doesn’t say things he does not mean. It’s one of the reasons I’ve come to appreciate his presence these past few days.

“They were kin of hers, no matter how much they disliked her, and they called her a traitor and you don’t allow traitors to live. She bled with us and she’s part of us, that’s all that matters now.” I said simply.

The other man smiled and it was a genuine smile.

“That she is, glad to see you didn’t fully lose it.” He remarked gladly.

“What made you think I lost it?” I asked.

Yes the situation was confusing, strange and made me slightly fearful but I am not gone.

“Last night, I honestly thought you’d be kicking her out once I saw her throw her boots off.”

I shook my head at that.

“Maybe if she kept them, as they are symbol that she stood with the cherry trees still, but she stands with us now, so it’s my duty to look after her. Come, I’ve looked far too much at nothing useful, time to look at something pretty at least.” I said and bid for him to follow.

He did so silently as we walked back to camp.

I saw the place of our battle filled with blood, trampled grass and dirt. I could even see where I was brought down as the scene replayed itself in my mind again and again. I put it to the side as replaying a done battle is less important than preparing for the next one.

I heard the girls speaking before I saw them.

“No way, you can’t be serious, oh he can’t find that out.” Bao said with a giggle as she and the other women were gossiping.

Some things truly were universal it seems.

“Find out what?” I asked loudly.

The three women looked at each other and Bao made the sign of a locked key as she glared at the others. The three women were down on the ground near the now dead fire gossiping like most friends do. I also noticed that all three of them had their spears near them now.

It seems that last night did give them a lasting lesson. If only it came with less risks.

“Nothing!” The three women said as one.

I gave them a half-hearted glare to see if any of them will break but it seemed that whatever joke they want to play at my or Da’s expense will not be revealed that easily.

None of them would break and so I decided to let them be, I had bigger things to worry than some prank that might not even be aimed at me.

“How is everyone?” I asked them all.

I was however looking at Yu Zong to hear her answer. She was the one that was looking after the other two women.

“Better, last night was frightening, but we’re not down that easily.” She replied firmly.

Good, exactly what I wished to hear.

“I am glad to hear it, both Da Xiu and I have good news as well. We’re both able to feel our Dantian now and I have a plan to see if I can help the rest of you to feel it as well.” I said with a faint smile.

Bao took that opportunity to rise up and jump at me and hug me. To my side I saw Yu Zong do the same to Da Xiu.

“Ha ha ha, that’s my husband!” Bao exclaimed happily and jumped into a kiss

To my side I could hear Yu Zong say something similar to Da Xiu but I couldn’t exactly pay attention to that when Bao was busy keeping me focused on her as my worries disappeared for a short moment

I broke the kiss and looked into her eyes and I could feel the love in them and recalled what happened that brought this on

“Come, let’s sit down as I tell you my idea.” I said happily.

She just pulled me down near the unlit campfire as we waited for Da Xiu and Yu Zong to come.

To my side I could see that Ya Xue was looking longingly at them and I put my hand to her shoulder.

“You’ll find someone too eventually.” I assured and gave her a light squeeze.

That stopped her from staring at least as she start looking anywhere else but where she was looking at previously.

It took me pretending to cough when I saw that the two lover birds were getting a bit frisky to remind them where they were but they did join us.

“Now, what is your plan Tai?” Yu Zong asked.

“I can sense ki, thanks to my Water Meridians I can both draw Qi in as well as push a bit into the air. I can’t control it once it’s outside the Meridians, but I can push some roughly where the dantian is to let you to feel it.” I explained.

I won’t be pushing too much just in case, just a few whiffs to let the three women sense their Dantian and then they’ll be able to cultivate.

“Isn’t it dangerous?” Ya Xue asked.

I haven’t considered that which made me thing about it some more.

“I don’t know but we can test it out. I’ll push some Qi in your meridians using that methods, if they hurt or feel different then I won’t try the same in your dantian. Do you all agree to it?” I asked.

“Yes.” Said Bao.

It was natural that she’ll be the first to try it as she always trusted me. I nodded at that and kissed her again as thanks for the support.

“Thank you for trusting me.” I said simply.

My wife blushed deeply and started muttering about how spouses must always trust each other as she pulled herself into my chest.

“Yes.” Said Ya Xue.

I looked into her eyes and saw that there was no doubt there which made me nod in appreciation. I can respect this sort of determination.

“It would be strange if I didn’t agree then.” Declared Yu Zong as she too was standing I nthe lap of her husband.

“Very well, we’ll go in order from closest to furthest. Bao is first.” I replied.

“I am ready!” She exclaimed confidently.

I put my left hand around hers and pushed just the tiniest amount of Qi I could into her hand Meridians. It looked more like we were holding hands than transferring energies but I suppose the two were about as intimate.

No if anything I imagine that the transferring of Qi was more intimate. Her brow furrowed as she tried to focus on the feeling of my Qi mixing with hers.

“I am feeling it, it doesn’t feel any different compared to the Qi I’ve sensed so far.” She said after a a few moments of concentration.

“I am going to try doing the same to the dantian then.” I replied.

“Then do it.” She said calmly.

She however did not let go of my left hand which meant I would have to use the other hand. A fair price to pay for being allowed to try this on her first I think.

I put my right arm around her body and my palm touched her diaphragm where I did the same.

She gasped suddenly and I froze. Did I fuck up?

“I am fine, I am fine, just… it surprised me. I can feel… something there now, but I still can’t draw Qi in.” She said as a thousand thoughts were running through my head.

“Try focusing on the feeling of emptiness, Qi reacts to it and attracts the Qi to the dantian.” I instructed softly.

“It’s… it’s working! I can cultivate, thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re amazing Tai!” She said excitedly as she let go of my hand and hugged me.

“Good, now let’s do this for everyone else and we can start our trek tomorrow once everyone got used to cultivating.” I replied as I returned the hug.

Things were slowly looking up, but we were not out of danger. The other applicants are now a threat but so are the beasts we’ll have to face. We’ve been lucky so far that we have not found any but I doubted that would last long.

I am lucky, lucky to have been born in a loving family, lucky to have a wonderful woman by my side, lucky to have found good friends, and lucky to have good opportunities, but I am not that lucky that I can have all of that and more without having to fight for it.