Chapter 20:

Chapter 20

~~~~Fu Jian~~~~~

Most do not appreciate the value of sleep until they can’t engage regularly in it. I used to love to sleep so many centuries ago but now everyone knows I don’t need it and so they come bother me when I wish to sleep.

“Sect master Fu Jian, I return with the report of the current batch of Aspirants.” A female voice declared.

‘Has it been one hundred years yet since I managed to catch one night of sleep without people coming to bother me?’ I thought in wonder.

There is always something to do, something to keep me active and the rare instances where I can just rest are so few in number that whenever I try to sleep during them, something always interrupts.

“Speak Min Min, I was just resting my eyes, what is the current batch up to?” I asked.

Two hours, barely a short nap, and yet it was enough to remind me of what I lost upon my ascension to Nascent Soul.

I have lost the chance to sleep for days, endless fluffy dreams surrounded by sheep who do not judge you or demand that you go drop anything because a peasant thought he saw some spider clan near his farm or worse, a rabbit.

“The Lemons and Cherries are at each other’s throats.” She replied promptly.

I snorted at that, when are they not?

“Will we have any cherries pass the exam this time?” I asked curiously.

That’s something that rarely happens when the sons of the Lemon Tree bannermen get sent here but it does happen.

“Most likely, one of them has managed to join the Lemon Bannermen's squad. Me and the others have bets placed on whether or not she’s joining the bed of the leader or the bulky one, poor girl is smitten with both their wives.” She answered.

That earned an earnest laughter from me.

Becoming a cultivator removes one’s inhibitions and restraint and it can take years if not decades to build them back up, even as adults. This resulted in the sons of the two banners going at each other’s throats due to the general hostility of their leaders to one another the moment they start becoming cultivators.

Said hostility ends most of the time with the cherries being popped and some very bloodthirsty lemons once the cherries start making one too many enemies by bullying people and stealing their supplies.

“I wish her luck, and put five spirit stones from me on her joining the leader’s bed, whoever can wrangle lemons to follow his lead can handle multiple women.” I replied with a soft smile.

Nothing like a good little bet to keep morale up.

“Anything else of note?” I asked bluntly.

While hearing of a cherry girl being adopted by the lemons is funny, I sincerely hoped that wasn’t the only reason she decided to wake me up.

“Yes, the current crop of civilians is already banding together, as one man seems hellbent on gathering them up to protect themselves from the cherries being their normal self, and the Auditor is horrified at what she is seeing and demanded to speak to you about it.” She answered promptly.

I opened my eyes and sighed at that. There goes my chance at resting, now I have to deal with that idiot.

“Send her in, I am not moving from here to have the same conversation I’ll have in a few decades when the next auditor enters the rotation.” I ordered.

The red haired woman left and returned shortly with a barbarian looking young woman in red robes I sincerely wished to see as little as I could of. No matter how easy on the eyes she might be, Auditors are rarely people one can be bothered to look much at due to how insufferable they are.

“Sect master!” The woman started screeching as she stood up.

I interrupted her with a shout.

“Kneel, I am not some mongrel you can lord around, I am a sect master of her Imperial Majesty. If you can’t respect my position enough to show me the barest courtesy then at the very least respect your own position by acting how it demands.” I shouted, my voice like thunder.

The woman lost all wind in her sails and knelt fearfully and I grunted in approval.

Auditors are all the same, scared of their own shadow and far, far too caught up in petty things that they don’t need to be caught up in. I don’t care for her kneeling or not in front of me, I don’t demand this from my sect and I have the authority to demand it from them a lot more than I have of her.

Unfortunately for her, I am sick and tired of having to repeat myself to each new Auditor that keeps appearing every now and then.

“I apologize for the breach of decorum sect master but what I saw warranted it.” She said fearfully as she knelt.

I stood there as she looked more and more worried and I considered what to say.

“Let me guess? The children of the banners killing each other? Some of them acting little better than bandits and applicants killing each other with impunity?” I asked.

“So you were made aware of the issues?” She asked hopefully.

So she thinks those are issues and that I'll magically fix them? I would laugh if she didn't have me woken up for it.

“They are not issues, everything there is business as usual as far as this trial is concerned.” I replied drolly.

“I am sorry sect master but do you mean to tell me that this obscene thing is normal? Have you lost your damned mind?”

I snorted at that, just where do they keep finding these idiots?

“It is not so much as normal, as it is routine. All you saw was not only approved by her Imperial Majesty but we’ve received direct orders to not change certain parts of the tests we’ve created, including the written tests and the trek as well as the survival challenge to make sure it keeps happening.” I explained, my voice thick with annoyance.

“How can this travesty be normal?” She shouted.

The only travesty here is you complaining about normal things to me when I want to sleep.

“The cherries are a blight on this test intentionally. Their banner may serve a role in spider hunts, but in this sect we don’t need garrison fillers and brigands, we need the people that will kill both of those when told to and this part of the test will allow us to see if they have what it takes or not.” I explained as if the one in front of me was a child.

She was a young mortal, so she might as well have been a child, but mortals don’t seem to understand their position unless you explain it to them in a way that is very hard to misinterpret.

“And what happens when those brigands enter your sect?” She asked defiantly.

I hate having this conversation over and over again.

“Assuming that happens, then I have two choices to pick from. Either I arrange for their deaths while they are inside of the sect, or I do what her Blazing Majesty gave me the power to do, and heavily encouraged me to do as often as possible as a matter of fact, after the Stellar Blade Sect betrayed Her and I just tell them they failed the moral test and that they are to return to their banners and have their dantian ripped from their body to make sure they can’t cultivate.” I continued.

I thank the bastards that decided to have a go at independence each day for their stupidity, as it gave the rest of us the chance to be pickier with our Aspirants, as opposed to just accepting anyone that can read and write and has some basic survival training and cultivation potential.

I have to look for ‘heretic’ tendencies of the Way of the Fist adherents more than I’d like, but the instructions on that are so vague I can just look at brigand-like behavior and rip someone’s dantian off, which more than makes up for the paperwork I have to fill each time.

“I will still be writing a report about this and it will reach her Majesty's table, especially as the writing standards are too lax!” The despicable creature whine.

I sighed at that, the written test is a sham of a test, sure it allows anyone that can read and write to pass it and that’s a difficult skill to acquire for most provincials, but a significant part of the way it’s structured is meant to look for heretical thought and know where it is. It being a test of one’s knowledge is a tertiary concern. It tests determination in those with little opportunities and the way one thinks, not what they know.

“I have this conversation at least twice every one hundred years, so I will repeat what I always tell each of the Auditors that ask the same stupid questions. Unless you have some other questions not related to them, you will leave my sight and your next complaint will be made on a written report I will use to clean my ass after shitting.” I said.

Left unsaid was that I don’t need to shit, but will find a way to make it happen just to use said paper to clean my ass. She’s a smart and educated individual, she knows exactly what my words mean.

The thing had the temerity to look affronted at my words but I ignored her indignation as I put up my left hand to enumerate the same old questions I’ve been hearing for seven hundred years.

“One, the written test is simple by design, it’s main goal is to check for heretical thought, as well as to check for the determination of provincials who do not have the means to learn how to read and write normally and see if they have the right mentality to rise through the tiers.

Two, just because someone shows heretical thoughts during the writing exam, does not mean they are rejected, it only means that they are under observation. The test is meant to filter the heretics out, but the uneducated that don't think right can be educated to think right, otherwise I would have less than five aspirants pass the tests each year.

Three I don’t care for applicants killing each other, becoming a cultivator tends to have this sort of thing happen, so as long as the winners don’t go out of their way to attack people out of nowhere I don’t care, they’ve been doing it for longer than I’ve been alive.” I enumerated off the most repeated talking points I had to touch in such conversations.

“And them acting in inappropriate sexual ways?” She asked.

Heavens, please have mercy on this poor soul and please don’t tell me the mortals are getting prudish again. The last thing I want is another wave of complaints from fools because my sect member's clothing is destroyed in battle and they need to walk naked until they get clothes.

“Unless someone is getting raped I don’t care, the applicants and my sect members can fuck who and what they want as long as it’s not an animal. This goes double for my sect members if they can fulfill their duties. There are no laws or regulations that apply to sect members as to what they do in their private lives and where they do it and I won’t be entertaining whatever nonsense you think my cultivators should do. You are here to verify that the regulations are followed, not make new ones.” I explained harshly.

She did not seem as chastised as she should have and my eyes narrowed. This thing thinks she can order me around doesn't she? She's no shadow and even if she was they know better than to try and make me do anything the laws don't demand that I do.

“It is still highly inappropriate sect master Fu Jian.” She tried to continue.

I closed my fist in a signal for her to stop and whatever she wished to say afterwards would forever remain unsaid.

“No it is not. My duties are to prepare my sect to deal with spiders. The only ‘moral’ part of my duties is to prevent the Adherents of the Way of the Fist from getting a new sect joining in their nonsense about surpassing or rising against the Heavens, or whatever it is they changed it to this time. If you think you can dictate what is appropriate for them to do, then I have no reason to bother with entertaining this charade! Min Min!” I shouted.

Said woman perked up at hearing her name and if she had a tail like one of her distant ancestors I have no doubt it would be wagging furiously.

“I can’t be bothered with entertaining our guest any longer, not when she has showed a clear disrespect to my own person, our sect’s traditions and the limit of her own duties. Get her out of my sight and file a formal report to the Empress.” I ordered.

The auditor's screams of impotence and outrage were ignored as my trustworthy subordinate and apprentice did her duties with the zeal expected of her position and I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

Hopefully I’ll get a few more hours of relaxation before someone else decides to come bother me.