CoM 03

Call of the Maid

03: Useless Catgirls

Sakuya idly wished she had another juice box. They were a relatively recent invention by her estimate, only really showing up in the last fifty years or so of her culinary training journey, but they were nifty and stabbing them with a straw was very satisfying.

Leaving her newest ‘master’ behind, Sakuya found a small group of maids in the next room. Her entire demeanor shifted, and now the temporal maid eyed the competition.

Sure, she was training her chef skills, but all maids knew the world of service and maidom was cutthroat, and your coworkers one day could be mortal enemies the next.

One maid was silver-haired and about Sakuya’s own height with a grudgingly acceptable level of dress and quality in her uniform, while the two catgirls were…

Well, one red haired catgirl maid was tolerable. She had a bit more blue accents to her uniform but it was fine. The other was taller, tanned, and her different ears than all other catgirls Sakuya had seen, placed aside her head, not on top.

Maybe she was the product of a catgirl and an elf? Sakuya wasn’t sure.

But, as she watched, Sakuya’s sizing up of the competition became comedy.

While the red-haired one was turned around talking to the silver-haired maid, the tanned maid took the latter’s uneaten sandwich that’d been left on a small platter.

She turned back to look at the platter. Her tail went stiff, and her gaze trailed up. “You did not just take the special chicken salad sandwich Ramsay prepared for me, did you Zenn? I warned you last time,” the red-haired catgirl said.

Zenn, ears twitching, shrugged and smirked. “Nope, no idea what you’re talking about Gwen,” she said, holding the sandwich with a bite taken out of it.

“…Give it back,” Gwen demanded.

Zenn appeared to think about it a moment. She then chose to stuff the entire sandwich in her mouth. “Toof lakte!” she said.

Gwen’s eyes dilated, her hair stood up, tail stiffened, and her claws came out. With a hiss, she pounced on Zenn and the two proceeded to have a surprisingly brutal wrestling match then and there.

Sakuya knew a lot of people fetishized maids fighting. They thought, ‘oh, two maids, they must be rubbing bewbies and stuff and it ends in kissing!’.

No.

This fight was brutal and involved tooth and claw, headlocks and judo flips, and saw them crash an entire bookcase as Gwen chased Zenn around only to get pinned. Sakuya took some notes as the two catgirls were incredibly flexible and able to escape pins and holds she’d struggle to break free of.

It was at this point the room grew incredibly cold. “I think you two need to take a timeout to cool off and reflect on how destroying a study over a sandwich is unfitting behavior for a maid,” the silver-haired maid said.

“Wait, Grayfia, it’s not what it looks like, it—” Gwen tried to explain.

“Yeah, it’s a misunderstanding, please not the—” Zenn begged.

Both were ignored as they were encased in ice.

Grayfia sighed and looked back to Sakuya. “Sorry you had to see that,” she began. “They’re new, and I’ve been having to break some bad habits.”

“No kidding,” she said, although honestly, the show had been appreciated. Sakuya didn’t exactly want to be here, so a bit of humor was welcome. That, and the judo flip thing Zenn had inflicted on Gwen was a welcome technique to add to her repertoire.

“Hmm. Actually I don’t recognize you. Oh! You must be the new maid Sirzechs brought in for Millicas,” Grayfia asked, looking Sakuya up and down with a considering eye.

Sakuya put a hand on her hip, arching a brow. Did this maid want to throw down to and establish hierarchy?

“You wouldn’t be related to the Lucifuge bloodline, would you? Your features are distinctly familiar,” Grayfi something said. Grayfo? Sakuya couldn’t be bothered to remember.

“No? Are you?” Sakuya asked.

There was a looooooooong stare from the other maid. “…Yes. I am Grayfia Gremory, formerly of the Lucifuge clan.”

Was that supposed to mean something to her? Why did everyone act like she should know them?

Sakuya decided to be diplomatic and just said, “Okay.”

The staring was getting to be a bit much, so Sakuya ignored the other maid and walked off to go see if Millicas was ready for his training yet.

~~~~

Millicas was in combat training. His hellish physical exercise routine consisting of pushups with the maids on his back, squats and jumps while avoiding Zenn, and a brutal irradiated obstacle course where the maids did their best to bombard him with nuclear bombs as he completed the ever-shifting course back and forth while blindfolded, was completed for the day.

What was next, was training with Rias on controlling his Power of Destruction, while using it to clean up the radiation in the area without damaging anything else.

While power was useful, he didn’t exactly need more power from his Power of Destruction. His father was The Satan Lucifer. He had power flowing through him in spades.

No, what he needed was control. Finesse even. And his Aunt Rias was more than willing to help him train in such.

Though, the Power of Destruction was such a… wasteful power. It didn’t convert things to another form, changing them and increasing their potential energy like Nuclear magic, or any other form of magic… Instead, it simply erased it from existence, returning it to nothingness, as though it had never existed in the first place.

It was at this point Sakuya walked into up, looking over the crater’s left by the nuclear ‘footballs’ the maids had been hurling at him. She had gotten another juice box at some point.

“You know, I can think of some improvements you could make to this regimen of yours,” she commented.

“Indeed?” Millicas asked curiously. “Then I guess I can hear you out.”

The conversation that followed was one he shuddered about to this day, for the loss of his innocence and the poor, poor maids that he had incidentally consigned to what Sakyua called “Bullet Hell”.

~~~~

AN:

HiddenMaster: Sakuya introduces bullet hells to mainstream DxD, revolutionary training and absolutely fucking hated by everyone who has to go through it.

I would say it’s among the more cruel things I’ve done to a setting, but let’s be honest, I’ve done worse.

Still, glad to be getting back to this after a bit of a pause.

Kitsu: Foxxo is back and shenaniganizing on this fic, though it took like, months to get back on it.

Thankfully, our commissioner found another job swiftly after he quit the last one, so we should be basically golden.

Also! We are in need of more commissioners for Hidden, due to his current car troubles!

He needs to raise about 4k US dollars minimum to replace his absolute shitbox of a Buick, because not only did the power steering decide it would only work intermittently, but also, he can’t even open the doors on the car except for one handle on the passenger side exterior, and that’s also flimsy.

So not only dies he need to climb in from the passenger side, there is no AC, and there is an extremely high chance he simply cooks alive or freezes to death inside his car when the exterior handle breaks on it and he’s forced to call for an emergency to come cut the car door off.

Which would cost him more than buying a new car.

Also, the breaks are sketchy, so he really shouldn’t be driving it, but it’s all he has and he needs it to get to the blood bank where he donates plasma for enough cash to even eat in a given month.

HiddenMaster: Yeah, the brakes are sketchy at this point. Repairs would probably equal a new damn car, so sooner I can get it, the better.

Now, if you would like to save me from my horrible fucking car that seems to get worse with every passing day, please check out our support carrds below where you can find our Patreons, koFi’s, and our commission info!

HiddenMaster’s Archive: https://hiddenmasterarchive.carrd.co/

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