Concerned Catgirl Noises

03: Skittery Spiders

Zenn happily took a bite of a leg of roasted spider meat, the buttery, lobster-like flavor melting on her tongue while they talked with their new Catboy friend back at his scrap yard.

“Alright then,” the Catboy grinned, holding up a fork as he and his employees gathered around to tell their tales. “You told us a lot about your lives back on the home worlds, so we should probably tell you a few tales about life on Elysium.”

One particularly sad looking Doggirl who’d only been sullenly eating the entire time whined sadly. “Guess that’s my cue, huh?” she said, ears drooping.

“Well, I’m Peter Petrovich, named for my father. He’s gone now,” she said, sadly. A Bunnygirl next to her patted Peter’s shoulder. “I came to Elysium knowing it wasn’t all, you know, green paradise and beaches like the brochures said. Instead, I did my research, saw what it was really like. And, I saw they were enticing colonists… if you filled out the right forms.”

“Hyperion’s subdivision, the Parasol Division, was offering a field test for their desert adapted shigs, subsidized by Dig Deep Galactic and a nice plot of scrubland. I figured, new colony, new need for meat. Woop Woo’s got a big demand for it, lots of Doggirls see an all meat diet as, like, a status symbol, you see. I thought I could get a loan and pay back within a few years. I had it all planned out,” Peter said, hanging her head.

“Went well, at first. Avoided debt traps in the big city, who the Hell would fall for the butter fee?” she said, snorting. Gwen’s ears folded. “Got my allotted land, got my herd of shigs, a dozen to start with.”

Gwen actually raised her hand, like she was in class. There was a moment of silence before several of the scrap yard girls giggled, making Gwen flush. “Um. Question. What’s a shig? You keep mentioning them.”

Peter blinked. “A shig? It’s a shig. Four legs. Oinks and baas occasionally. Wooly coat that insulates at night, likes to sleep during the day. You know. A shig? Can get milk and meat and wool from them.”

Gwen just looked confused. “It sounds almost like a combination of sheeps and pigs.” This, in turn, got her looks from the non Catgirls sitting around the BBQ. “Um, Zenn, help me out? You’ve seen sheep and pigs, right?”

“I mean, can’t be any worse than Vampire Cows,” Zenn chuckled. “Last I heard, those got loose on Delta-5, and took over the world somehow.”

Gwen opened and closed her mouth wordlessly.

The Bunnygirl shook her head. “The more I hear about Neko Prime the weirder it gets.”

Gwen’s ears slowly folded and her hand fell down.

“Anyway,” Peter continued, “Things were going well. Shigs practically take care of themselves, just need a sheering or two a year, sewes need milking, but well, it was manageable. Even had my first batch of shiglets! Cute little buggers, good mamas. Then it all went to Hell.” The scrap yard girls all looked down.

“Whuh?” Zenn asked, before swallowing her mouthful of food. “What happened?”

"Spiders,” Peter said darkly.

Gwen went rigid but said nothing.

“Turns out half the native life of Elysium is some type of spider, arachnid, whatever. Other half are beetles. Apparently thrive in deeper tunnels but plenty on the surface. I didn’t know about any of this. I knew it was an arid world, but they edited out the giant fucking spiders out of the initial exploration reports. And, given I was new here, I didn’t learn about it until it was too late,” Peter said gloomily, setting her spider leg down.

“So here I was, thinking the only thing I had to worry about were local reptiles, but then I start losing shigs, night by night. First the ones who ranged furthest out, and then closer and closer to the barn. I thought they just wandered off at one point, was losing my mind, when I tried to walk out the front of the barn and damn near got grabbed,” Peter said.

“Trap door fucking spiders had set up shop. They’d been moving burrows closer and closer to my herd until they were finally set up right outside my barn. Had to abandon the whole property. Only shig left was Ol’ Bruce who’d learned to jump from rock to rock and avoid the ground. Couldn’t even get him out of there, no idea if he’s still around. Probably. Stubborn bastard of a shig, hated him, but he also survived where all the other shigs died so Hell if I know. Probably feral by now.”

Peter slumped. “And that’s my slice of the Elysium story. Can’t fill my quota, got loans, and now I’m working here. Adrian was nice enough to get me the job, but… yeah. Really living the frontier dream, huh?” she finished.

“Ah it ain’t all that bad,” Adrian slapped her back. “At least ye made it out alive, yeah? And if we can get the bounty hunters to come clear the place out, we can just try again, but with propa protection this time!”

Zenn nodded furiously at this, raising her fist. “Yeah! Spiders are tasty, so there will definitely be someone to take the job!”

Peter gave a small smile at that, although her own ears were still droopy. “Would be nice to have my place back. Got some keepsakes of my dad, if nothing else.”

“Fucking hunters need to get their asses in gear,” another Doggirl complained. “Names Sheera, similar story, just a different ranch. But unlike Peter, I didn’t even get to enjoy my ranch for long before it went to shit. You think trap door spiders are bad? They’re at least mostly solitary. My herd got decimated over three nights, not weeks, by a pack of wolf spiders. Big, can run 30kph, strong, and coordinate. Got one of them with my old blaster, but when you see them learning to dodge and observing your schedule, you get the fuck out. So yeah, my ranch is abandoned too,” Sheera grouched, angrily biting into the spider leg like it owed her money. It might have.

“Call me Granny Goodbone,” the last one began, an older greyhound woman “For one day, when I was sitting with my Grandchildren on my ranch, rocking away on my rockin’ chair, the biggest damn spider I has ever did seen, came to knock on my goddamn door.”

She took a deep breath. “See, this motherfucker saw my Son attacking her children, and thought that us trying to defend out goddamn ranch was not o-kosher, and decided that as Queen of the Spoods, she was gonna knock our rather nice little ranch house that we built with our own two hands, clean into the motherfuckin’ sky. Bitch-ass motherfuckin’ cunt ate my husband, sicked a scorpion squad on my son, and then ran me and my Grandkids out of our home, een with all the turrets blastin’ at her full on!”

Everyone around looked at her like she was just nuts, but she finished up soon after with a growl. “Hell, my Grandson is on a revenge streak now, because the damn scorpion venom made his Father’s tits fat, and now he’s bein’ made fun of in school!”

Gwen opened and closed her mouth. She didn’t seem to have words.

“Yeah, not sure on that one. Something fucked up Ol’ Granny here’s ranch, but it seems to have fucked her in the head. Point is, fuck spiders,” Sheera said.

“Might be fun to hunt down some spiders for the locals, right Gwen?” Zenn beamed. “Seriously, imagine if we managed to get enough to eat, and enough to sell to the bounty board daily while we’re here. We can even take other jobs too!”

“You’re gonna need a set of Shock Spears before you try hunting Spiders,” Adrian chuckled. “But I may have a pair of old ones in the back you can have, if you think you can fix the circuits.”

“Well. Spider does taste good and we do need the work. Ship’s on its last legs. Why not, let me take a look… just, in the morning, please. Tired,” Gwen said, yawning.

“It is getting pretty late,” Adrian smiled, looking over the group. “Why don’t you go with the girls and get settled. Probably better than sleeping in an old Laika, especially one in that condition. Hell, I have forty of those in better condition that I literally use for spare parts…”

“Ooh. The frame of the Laika we have is actually real good. If I could get some quality parts… I’ve been thinking of some upgrades to make this thing better than new,” Gwen contemplated aloud. She then yawned, louder. “Also that sounds real nice. The bunks in the Laika are kinda old…”

“Sounds like we’ll be doing business for a good while then,” Adrian laughed, his ears twitching cutely.

“Sounds good! Time for bed first though, cutie~” Zenn patted him on the head, figuring he was just an adorable little shop owner trying to get in their good graces, as the only Catgirls around for a while.

Well, it wasn’t as though she minded. She was going to milk the situation for all it was worth.

For Gwen’s sake, she would do pretty much anything.

~~~~

AN:

HiddenMaster: This is kinda a part two to ‘Welcome to Elysium’. Enjoy rampant capitalism and giant spiders.

At least they are tasty…

Kitsu: Foxxo is very pleased with the Catgirl story so far. I was actually quite nervous about getting Zenn right, but she’s a remarkably simple character, and the Commissioner has voiced no complaints about how I write her, so like, I dun think I’m doing her wrong at least?

Made her a street smart Miltary girl, to the best of my ability. It was quite fun writing her, and I’m quite glad we listened to the commissioner to make it a two MC story and not a Four MC story to start. It made it a lot easier to keep track of, and made it a lot simpler to deal with, which in turn let us focus more on character development in the first few chapters, while also having enough time to build the lore of the setting up a bit.

HiddenMaster: Indeed. The lore is getting fun, too, and I’m appreciating the space western vibes we got going.

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