Chapter 42:

Chapter 42: The dead should not be bothered for they are a much greater annoyance than the living.


Eldar don't stay dead when they die, it's not in our nature to do so for we reincarnate and get to live again when we damn well please. This doesn't change the fact that we can stay dead when we want to in order to mess with others which is why we're still building Tombs.

The tombs of all other species are things to rest in, where the souls of the dead might find rest so that they do not dissolve into the Warp or face the consequences of their actions and very rarely they get to watch over their descendants. Eldar Tombs operate more on the last principle than the first ones but with a twist, for Eldar can leave their tombs and live again whenever they want to.

I was being lowered in my own Tomb now for three reasons that are legally pertinent to my incoming demise.

The first reason is that I am a dead man walking as Slaanesh decided to hit me and only me with enough force to kill a star, and so everyone that knows of this knows that I should be dead and a Tomb is where the dead lay and so I can be sent there.

The second is that an Eldar Tomb exists as a prank to any would be grave robbers and people that would wish to desecrate the body and soul of the dead, and as such there are many loopholes related to them that one can exploit and the freedom to enact Divine Pranks is a legally protected right in front of the Divine. Thankfully that covers both pranks made by the Divine and those that are made to the Divine or otherwise my plan wouldn't work.

The third is simple, for pranking your family is also a divinely protected right and it is more protected than the right of the Divine to prank you, meaning that if I manage to prank my family with the same actions as I use to prank the Divine, then Divine retribution will only come after the punchline against my family.

A tomb is meant for pranks because Eldar don't stay dead, so we don't need tombs for our dead to rest in but to prank others with, which is mainly our enemies but sometimes friends and family too.

This is why I chose to prank my family and their subjects by pretending to be a Skin Walker and making it seem to them that I'm dying of old age. The spouses of royalty get the best Tombs after all and I get a massive Island sized complex filled with traps, songs, protectors and other such nonsense that Slaanesh now has no choice but to let me build it so that my prank against my family may be complete before she can come kick my ass into non-existence.

A fourth reason I am being lowered into my tomb, but that is not legally relevant is that I wish to continue living but that's just silly legal nonsense because tombs are for the dead to lay in, not to allow them to live, but that's fine for the loopholes created by the edicts around pranking, royalty and Divine-Mortal interactions more than make up for me not wishing to actually die.

Slaanesh has already sent her kick and tantrum towards me, which brings her down to three strikes before she runs out of them and we can pass the threshold for getting the gods to reconsider whether or not the laws applying to being able to kill unfilial reincarnated children applies to before they are reborn and not only after.

Everybody with even half a working brain knows what the answer to that is going to be.

I plan to make her lose a lot more strikes because for some reason she hates me personally which is a weakness I can abuse and, oh I do so plan to abuse it.

My family and servants continue to gently lower my closed sarcophagus from the top of the mountain all the way to the bottom of my tomb in the giant pit they carved and I can feel that I am close to the ground now. I cannot see for I have been given a mockery of embalming, I cannot move for the bandages I am wrapped in prevent it and I cannot sing or look upon Mortal and Divine yet for the ceremony has not yet ended.

I can hear the false cries of my family, that of my apprentice who still hasn't married yet and that of the few that personally know me. There's some genuine ones too among them, as most of my Skin Walker vassals do not know that this is a prank.

My bodyguards know it is so, which is why the 300 of them will stay and die in this tomb for me in order to protect me from those that would desecrate me or my tomb and have been called by Royal Decree protectors of the family of Royalty.

They, will die, for they face Divine Wrath as protectors of their liege and thus will be subjected to our laws fully and thus be granted the right to reincarnate as subjects of my wife, and as only Eldar and Sirens are her subjects on this worlds they will be reincarnated as that.

It's a promotion in a sense, albeit some might say being reborn as Eldar is a curse, and it is why I've talked with their clan heads on how to treat their reincarnated Ancestors once they die. Three of them have already reincarnated in their 100.000 years of servitude to their Siren masters, for they were the returning heroes of their people that have slain an Eldar in single combat and return victorious and unmarked by the Maton for their great deed, and thus the Sirens called them their heroes with great fervor and the Divine responded by giving them legal consideration as people and the only things Eldar laws call people are things with Eldar Souls which most of the time means Eldar but not always.

It's also all legal nonsense either way and they have been told as such, for every single one of my servants knows my will and knows that I truly and deeply wish them well, and I wish them well for they are loyal to me and loyalty is a form of love and I am weak to that which loves me.

The rest of their people are not aware of the trickery, as while they may or may not believe I am a Skin Walker they truly believe this is my funeral and the only thing that gets that sort of thing are the dead. Even my protectors killed themselves by taking a pill that killed them painlessly, for only the dead may rightfully remain in an Eldar tomb and not desecrate it with their presence.

When the last of my protectors finally went to their post and died I looked upon Mortal and Divine alike so that I may mock them and I felt it, the kick.

It had the power to kill stars, for it was the power of God worshiped by Quintillions of Eldar across time and space and I could feel it, both it and the vengeful creature that threw it that wished me dead.

Slaanesh broke through my Tomb which brought her down to two strikes, for the unborn are not allowed to be among the dead and only the Dead may lay in Tombs. This is an old law, one among many that prevented the unborn from being put in harm's way by pranks and their result, for all Tombs are pranks against our enemies and so the unborn are not to be allowed in them.

She was also in my Tomb after it was closed which meant that she is there to desecrate it, for she cannot hit me while I am in my tomb without her also being here. This brought her down to one strike, for babies, be they born or not, are not meant to desecrate Tombs. If she actually hits me directly she would lose her final strike, for desecrating the dead is not something babies should be doing either and now she was stuck and she realized it now.

"You dumb arrogant bitch, you forgot to read the laws!" I laughed at her as my soul danced around my body for my dead bodyguards to see as they were taken on Vaul's Anvil. They could feel it now, for to see their Master Dance and the Divine being pranked is something Eldar are meant to do and it was a fine farewell gift for their loyalty and sacrifice.

If this works well, their people will see greater gifts still.

I also swore to myself I would find Vect, for his own Resurrection and prank against his enemies is what gave me this idea and even if he did not know it, or could even possibly know of it, I now owe him one and freeing him from Slavery should be enough to repay it and if I can't do so then my siblings know to do it for me, for the Prince of Commoragh who failed to become its rightful king and thus settled to becoming a lesser Divine has earned a favor from me.

Slaanesh is not even a newborn yet, and so she can't read yet, and like most Eldar she is not aware of the legality of various actions or of how the laws are enforced, for she only knows of the laws her followers know and it's Ceograch job to remind you of what you forgot and prank you when you forget, and my brother made sure he did not remind people of many Divine Laws, for laws to Eldar are not like the laws of other species as they are not the guidelines that guide society, but hidden traps one can hit you with when they know them and you don't.

I could feel her, feel her half Eldar face and half which is made out crying stars looking at me in stupefaction and hate as she felt her own Doom approaching and her family prepared itself to Murder her.

The right half of her face is an Eldar face, for she is beautiful and pale and has luscious white hair, a purple eye with a dark sclera that glows and the left side of her is not a her but an it, for it is a burning nebula and her eye is a pink star and both of her eyes burn with equal hate, for she realized that she has made a mistake. Her body, is half chitin armor meant to keep the rot that plagues her unborn self from spilling out and the other the burning inferno of screaming Chaos and she is tall, taller than I am when I am capable of standing for what I see is not a fully Eldar baby but the Avatar of Divinity and that Divinity is now one act away from death.

She had wasted not one, not two, not even three but five strikes on killing me and if she wishes to guarantee killing me she'll die for it. I see my Siblings gazing at me, all of them living or dead across time and space and they see it as cleanly as I do and they cheer, for Slaanesh is one act from death, one measly death away from Khaine Murdering her, for I have created a paradox that forces her to act and kill herself, and kill me as well with it.

I am meant to be dead, this entire tomb is meant for the dead to lay in, but I am not dead and as I am not dead then this is not a tomb, but if she does kill me it becomes one as my prank is finally complete.

I am not dead until she hits me, but if she does she'll die for it, for she desecrates the tomb of another but she can avoid dying by proving I am not dead and this is not a tomb as you can't kill the dead as they already died. But the fact this is a prank and is recognized by Royalty as a proper Tomb and those that protect it are now under legal consideration makes it so she now has to act somehow and she's already acted and the end of this act will kill her.

My protectors killed themselves, their souls are now Eldar and thus citizens and this enforced the paradox as they are now protected by the Divine Laws and their citizenship in the Empire of Ten Million Stars, as they died to protect their liege which is a Lord among Eldar and husband of Royalty and sibling to the Divine and the fact they died reinforces the fact that she must act, for her own past actions compel her to act as to not act would make her no longer be Eldar.

Eldar abide by cause and effect, even if we sometimes switch the order in which they happen and if she somehow fails to abide by it then she is no longer Eldar and thus no longer protected, meaning she no longer gets access to our souls upon birth and she can be killed whenever and wherever she can be found and she is right there in my Tomb!

I can feel the Divine gathering in the Grand Chamber I reside in, all of those that live or have not been born yet and they look upon me as I mock Mortal and Divine alike with knowledge that they forgot.

Cegorach prances and dances, for he has done his duty and pranked those that forgot the law and he reminded them of it by pranking them for it.

Khaine prepares to strike against her as his other half Asuryan is already reciting the laws Slaanesh broke to inform her of them, for she is a daughter of the Empire and when one breaks the laws they should be recited the law they broke and are to be punished for.

Isha, Kurnous and Lileath dance and sing a mourning song, for they know a newborn or their newest sister risks death now and they do so with a smile as they laugh and dance in joy and await for the flames to burn the Galaxy anew.

Vaul looks indifferently from his forge as he prepares to reforge my dead former servants into Eldar souls for this revelry is not something he cares for.

Morai-Heg helps him, for souls are her domain, but she does so as she laughs at the foolishness of the young.

I cannot see Gea and Hoec and Dromlach does not stir, the gods notice this too and the celebrations cease.

A scream is heard and the Divine look in disappointment and sadness upon it.

"My soul, my loyalty, all that I am , have been and can be I swear to whichever, whatever and whoever can grant my son a chance at life and to find vengeance against that which killed his mother and nearly killed him!" A young female voice screamed as she burned and died.

Slaanesh found a loophole.

The revelry ends as the cries that first hounded my dreams so many years ago return, and Target 40's cries once again can be heard and she once more begs for her child to live and now she dies and Innia Bris pledges her soul freely, openly and gladly to Slaanesh as Slaanesh agreed to give her a chance at what she desires, for it meant that her child has a chance at life.

Slaanesh accepts her oath and repays the favor to her now most loyal servant for saving her life and adopts her as her own daughter for it. Her own parents are dead, the father of her child died and her lover abandoned her to pursue revenge, and thus she has nobody else to call family except her new mother who opens her arms with the love she had never and will never receive from another, but that which she now gifts to another out of gratitude.

A debt is formed and repaid, a favor is given, an oath of Vengeance is made and an adoption is performed by the same act and all of those are protected by Divine Decree and cannot be held against the Unborn Divine, for the right of helping family and saving them as well as pursuing Vengeance in their name supersedes all other laws and considerations when put together.

A monstrosity appears at the Entrance of my Tomb, for it was born there from the burning corpse of his own mother Innia Bris, she who swore eternal servitude for the mere chance that her son would live and in the same breath swore vengeance against me and my family and did so rightfully, for we killed her and nearly killed her own son and as he was born without citizenship this is his only chance at it and the only chance his new Divine Grandmother could grant her grandson at life and thus saved herself as well.

A whisper met me as Slaanesh mumbled her first song before pretending once again she is an unborn baby and I couldn't hold it against her either, for gloating at your enemies demise and singing are both legally protected rights you can't legally be held liable for.

'You are right Bessar, Eldar time shenanigans will never stop being funny.' She sang to me in the voice of burning stars, kind brushes and soft chimes.

'I know little sister, Eldar time shenanigans will never stop being funny even with the legal nonsense they create." I sang back in annoyance to her.

A deep sense of smugness and agreement was her only answer.

The gods continued to watch but their preparations ceased as Slaanesh's loophole was that the kick she meant for me would not be delivered by her, but by the son of her daughter seeking to avenge his dead mother and thus separating herself from the act by making this be a favor for the daughter who was born before her.

No matter what happened now she would not die for it, for she sent her kick and because it is not her that delivers it but her family she won't be held responsible for it.

It was the son of the same daughter I stole from her and that I killed and that gave this situation the familial circumstances that warped laws, mind and logic into fractal pretzels also known as paradoxes.

Slaanesh managed to escape her first legal paradox with her own, for she learned the lessons taught by the ones who should have been her caretakers by pretending to be a filial daughter and learning from her family. The lesson being that a loving family and their love for you can get your ass our of the fire.

The nameless child yearning to avenge his mother was born at the Entrance of my tomb and it would do his best to kill me and avenge his mother, for his quest is cheered by his Divine Grandmother which hilariously has not been born yet.

'You really need to find your own tricks little sister, as you can't get by by only stealing those of your siblings.' Were my final words of advice to her and thus completed the ritual that acknowledge her as sister.

She always was, but as nobody wished for her to live nobody recognized her as such, but now I must do so in order to turn this around.

I still could not hide my own amusement for the Eldar time shenanigans would never stop being funny but I'll make sure she pays for this and does so dearly, for now she has a family that loves her and that she is forced to love back and we can use that against her now and her screams for it will be delicious.

She did not respond to my words or left any impression that she heard them.

'She wants time warping family nonsense? Fine, I'll give her some she can choke on.' I thought to myself in annoyance and vengeance.

I have time to think now, and Slaanesh left her grandson in my Tomb, and while it was her only chance at life I will make her regret not taking the easy way out.

The world outside my tomb burned and its screams could be heard even by the dead, for the Warp Storm was in full swing and the dead and living and those that have never been either now fought on the surface.

My would be nephew started to run towards me and he'll need to get through the traps of my Tomb to get to me, for all Tombs must have those but he's family now and I doubt that will stop him from reaching me, for my family is filled with precocious and murderous babies.

I should know, I used to be one after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We looked upon our brother's gambit as reality cried and we cried with it. A million years of planning, coordination with Cegorach and our other Siblings and our new unborn sister managed to find a loophole on her incoming demise due to our own plans.

The Followers of Hoeth talk across time and space with each other and knowledge coming from the future and other timelines helps the present and the past and the Followers of Hoeth have arranged for these circumstances millions of years ago with the information and knowledge we and others have given them.

We could feel Cegorach be proud at us and Bessar for almost getting Slaanesh this time and we felt with horror as the timelines finally locked in and the flames of Asuryan burned brightest across time and space.

'This was the best possible result?' We cried to ourselves and to our siblings.

They did not respond.

Time in the Warp is three dimensional and similar enough to a sea that the comparison is apt and Asuryan's golden light flames served as the center for our Species, for as long as they burned the right way, we knew that the course we are in is the one we are are meant to take as we move across time.

If they stop burning then the Pantheon has abandoned a timeline as failed due to our mistakes, and thus will no longer pursue it and if the Flames of Asuryan still Burn then this reality is one the Divine still call as possibly their own, and the brighter the Flames the more likely it is for a timeline to be our true course of action.

If the flames stop burning, then it means your failure was too great to salvage and we could feel the Phoenix that is the Divine Ruler of our people cheer for what has just happened is the best possible timeline we could reach.

Slaanesh is one strike away from death, our brother has a chance at life, the Followers of Hoeth can now be as annoying as we want to be and Slaanesh only needs to err once either willingly or unwillingly and she dies and we still have centuries to provoke her or to find loopholes she is not aware of in order to catch her.

Reality bleeds and the stars dim as the Warp and Reality become one.

The Tomb of our brother remains sealed, for only he or those that have fully desecrated his tomb and him can leave it.

We've made the Tomb the best we could and the thing Slaanesh left behind should die, but it was born from Divine Nonsense and we need to hope Bessar own Bessaric Nonsense will be enough to counteract it, for it was nearly enough to see her killed and Slaanesh had to mimic our brother's ways to live and it abused our past actions by making them needed by both her and us.

We prepared to fight the result of the Tantrum, but our own tools were limited.

Bessar is considered dead and thus we lost access to his Blessings until he came out of his Tomb, this meant we could not whisper as Khaine, our souls were harder to heal from damage and we could no longer use Khaine's flames or make his Gun-Swords as he could, but we still have reserves. One third of us still had a combat related Blessing and that will be enough.

"Flood the world, let it feel that not even in death they are free from our brother's bloodlust." Marsa asked our Royal widows as we looked upon the fraying reality.

All of us were dressed in the ceremonial black mourning robes of this world and stood to watch as reality broke, for Slaanesh needed less than five heartbeats to all but die and find the loopholes she could abuse it order to survive.

Our Queen took our request and ordered her troops to do as we asked and every single centimeter of ice we could do so to was teleported from the poles across the dry land of this world and started melting. Wards of Darkness started going up across the Siren and Eldar settlements left under our protection and we could feel as Logic frayed.

Cities were crushed in seconds and the screams started, for the Eldar population of this world started to increase as the Webway Gates and tunnels flooded with people and stars.

Our other siblings plans started going into effect and the surrounding tunnels in the Webway started being sterilized to prevent the trillions of cultists from reaching us by following the cries of their Divine.

We felt reality become one with the Warp and the souls of the Eldar faithful we killed joined the fight against the living and their fellow dead.

We heard it, as the few tens of millions of faithful in the Pantheon fought against Trillions of the Dead hurling themselves at us and thanks to our siblings machination they only do so as Dead and not as the living as well meaning we need to beat each once as opposed to twice for Eldar do not stay dead when you kill them, nor do they need to use their bodies to kill you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I bared my soul in front of my cousin who is to become my Master in the craft he is still only one of two Masters of and he is the only one that can teach this craft to me.

The Divine had caught my soul upon my death and treated me as an enemy, one that does their bidding not by trickery or deals, but by orders for which refusal leads to a fate worse than death, and so they sent me to be reborn into the clan which considers the Damned Sons of Cegorach-as-he-was-before friends and family.

"Rionala Arana, are you certain you wish to pursue this craft handed to me by our Uncle and Grand Uncle? Even as your soul is close to his, it is not like mine which makes it easy to learn and its lessons are hard to learn." He asked me as I knelt in front in his meditation room.

We were in his workshop made for him by the Princess of The World of a Thousand Names and I had reached 15 years old, the age his own Master started creating his art and thus by his decree the age at which one can start learning it. All that wish to apprentice under a Master of Murderous Medicine have 38 years to earn their Mastery, for that is the period of time its first Master took from creating it to teaching a second Master and if one is incapable earning Mastery and the kind tutelage of another in that time then they are not worthy of it.

I wished to answer but I was stopped, for a vision hit me and my would-be Master.

A Divine was put on trial and the trial was held in the Tomb of Bessar Agail, for the New Divine had erred.

I knew it was Bessar Agail's tomb for behind the plain the Sarcophagus rested a statue of himself and it wore the same clothes he always wore on this world, a plain white blouse and pants with the symbol of a laughing blade emblazoned on his chest.

We felt the revelry and I realized that the plan of the Damned had worked and the creature might finally die.

We felt it as the oath was made and I felt Despair for Slaanesh had finally felt the power of Love and was Saved by it and now her own grandson was left to kill the one which had almost gotten her killed and the Vision ended.

The cries started and we felt the Webway Gates around our planet close shut as large parts of the Webway were sterilized by Stars.

Worlds that did not close their Gates burned, the cities and realms within reach burned as well, fleets of million burned too and conflicts stopped, for the Prank War between the Damned and The Mortal Phoenix King and his New Divine is not yet done and the damned were annoyed, for the New Divine Desecrated one of their Tombs.

"Master." My cousin wept, for he knew his master's plans failed and now he rests in his Tomb.

"He will exit his Tomb cousin, for he is Damned and they do not die that easily." I assured him from my place.

He wore the same clothing his own Master taught him in, only without the symbol of the Laughing Blade on it and as his would-be Apprentice I had come dressed in the same but now we both felt it, the slight warmth in the shape of a Laughing Blade on our chest.

It was a message, one loud and clear and that my cousin is to accept my request and I was annoyed for the Damned plan for both success and failure and they planned to do this stunt on the day I would request to be taken as an Apprentice.

My words hit him after two heartbeats and he looked at me and I had to stop myself from grimacing as he realized I spoke from experience and not faith.

I had killed two Damned in my past life as I sought to escape Boredom, each time they did not die easily and after the second time they stopped trying to avert their deaths and instead made them so tedious I would not bother with them anymore. The two times they died they threw more than Stars to keep me away from them, they threw from their Endless bag of Tricks and Horrors at me that which granted me the reprieve from Boredom I sought and I rejoiced even as Empires broke in my chase for thrill and more.

This is not enough to kill them, even one as young as Bessar Agail, for those Madmen are the closest to the Divine and the Madness of the Divine is not so easily extinguished for good.

My cousin sighed and looked tiredly at me as he pretended he did not hear my mistake. We could both hear the screams of Trillions and we did not care for it, for Eldar do not care much for the death of others of their kind unless they are Friends and family or if it affects them, and the Princess had made whatever happens with the Damned and their plots not our problem and so we did not care for the Burning Stars passing through the Webway. They're either going to be stopped by someone capable of it or they'll settle somewhere and others will make use of them.

"I will take you as Apprentice Rionala Arana, your lessons will start in three days from now on, for now I can see that the Wards of Darkness are in use and I need to make sure they do not break for the Tantrum of Divinity taxes them severely." My new Master said.

I bowed as I thanked him in both song and speech.

"Thank you Master I will inform mother!" I responded cheerfully.

I proceeded to lift myself up and left his workshop and went on the busy streets to look for my mother for I was now to inform her of my new Apprenticeship.

I thanked the Divine, for even when they were Angry at you they made sure you would still be Loved and I was sent into a family that Loved me.

My mother is Mighty Gua Bis and she loves all that is her family and friends and she makes it so that all her friends become family and now I am among them and I am loved, for she now teaches me as a Mother should teach he daughter and does so with the love I have not received from any but the Divine and I felt Reality become brighter.

I found her in her Wraithbone armor and at her post and I hugged her before she could spot me, for the lessons of my father taught me how to surprise her and she hugged me back and I told her that I was now the Apprentice of Cipanni Oiair and she and her comrades sang with Joy as Billions still died and cared not for that nonsense for their comrade and their family are now singing with joy.

Eldar do not care for Death for it does not stick to them and so we did not care for those that died, for they were not friends or family and their fate something we cared for and the knowledge one's family is happy is more important than the burning stars and tunnels and the death of civilizations.